I suppose I was making an assumption of an equivalent situation to this one, where the people discussing it have some level of at least kinda-friendly interest in the person in question.
And, even that might not be enough; I've known more than a few people who think that "gentle remonstration" means there's less than a pint of blood loss, and actual complaints are when they get *nasty* about it.
What I was trying to express is that no one is attacking a *PERSON* here. There isn't a living, breathing, feeling human being who is being pounded on here; there's an image in people's mind formed by what you've related. And, that's a very shallow image; there's very little that's known about it, for real.
And... while it can hurt to see this "imaginary person" being beaten up, and thinking of it all as being real, it's not real, and it's frequently better to assume that things would be different if it *was* real... at least until you know they wouldn't be.
Because, otherwise, the conversation has too much risk of being "about" this person we know nothing about, and diverts attention from the actual problem, which is people being cluelessly (or even not-cluelessly) rude.
And, hell, never mind. My thoughts are getting harder to express, and if I haven't made the point I was trying to make, more words aren't going to make my point any clearer. I think I'm going to drop out of this discussion, rather than risk digging myself in any deeper.
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Date: 2004-07-26 01:08 pm (UTC)I suppose I was making an assumption of an equivalent situation to this one, where the people discussing it have some level of at least kinda-friendly interest in the person in question.
And, even that might not be enough; I've known more than a few people who think that "gentle remonstration" means there's less than a pint of blood loss, and actual complaints are when they get *nasty* about it.
What I was trying to express is that no one is attacking a *PERSON* here. There isn't a living, breathing, feeling human being who is being pounded on here; there's an image in people's mind formed by what you've related. And, that's a very shallow image; there's very little that's known about it, for real.
And... while it can hurt to see this "imaginary person" being beaten up, and thinking of it all as being real, it's not real, and it's frequently better to assume that things would be different if it *was* real... at least until you know they wouldn't be.
Because, otherwise, the conversation has too much risk of being "about" this person we know nothing about, and diverts attention from the actual problem, which is people being cluelessly (or even not-cluelessly) rude.
And, hell, never mind. My thoughts are getting harder to express, and if I haven't made the point I was trying to make, more words aren't going to make my point any clearer. I think I'm going to drop out of this discussion, rather than risk digging myself in any deeper.