Miracles of modern medicine.

One dose of Augmentin, and I feel approximately one thousand times better.

(My viral ick turned into bacterial ick. I saw that coming, but unfortunately all you can really do is watch and wait.)

Everything is okay.

The milestone every parent looks forward to: first call to Poison Control.

"Ow, my lip hurts!" Alex said suddenly.

"Let me see... did you bite it?"

"No, I bited the pump," i.e., the hand sanitizer. 62% ethyl alcohol, harmful if swallowed, contact poison control immediately.

"What were you doing biting the pump?"

"I wanted to taste it, but it's yucky."

"How much did you eat?"

"Just a little bit."

I didn't think it could do any harm, but I called just in case. Poison Control seemed to detect a note of disgusted embarrassment, rather than panic, in my voice, and led me through a series of demographic questions before telling me to give her a glass of milk and she'd be fine.

She decided to taste the hand sanitizer. What the hell?