![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaFriday morning, we went to the midwife. It was probably just as well that our Tuesday appointment didn't work out (because they had six! babies! born in 19 hours!), because on Tuesday I had had several bad days in a row, and by Friday I was feeling better. So she got a much more balanced story about my symptoms.
Everything looks great. Blood pressure 98/66, no swelling in my hands and feet, no spilling protein or sugar. I only gained three pounds this month (maybe because I didn't have much of an appetite during my two-week cold) but the midwives continue to worry less about my low weight gain than I do. My uterus is measuring perfectly - 32cm from the pubic bone to the top of the uterus at 32 weeks (I love that one-to-one correspondence). The baby is head down and has a strong, steady heartbeat. I have finally managed to kick the Yeast That Would Not Die. All is well. The only minor annoyance is that my rosacea is flaring up, after more than a year of no symptoms. So it's back on the MetroGel.
The midwife also filled out my Family Medical Leave Act paperwork, which allows me to go ahead and schedule my maternity leave, and pronounced our draft birth plan "perfect." (Should I post the birth plan?)
Last Tuesday, we also had our last childbirth class. I'm going to miss it - I've learned so much, and I've gained so much confidence. Fortunately, Michele (our instructor) also facilitates a mothers' group which is a combination of ongoing parenting education and emotional support. So I might do that. I also think I might want to keep in touch with one of the other women in the class, but I don't know. I'm so shy about these things.
The final class was pretty info-packed: labor signs review, water birth, postpartum adjustment, choosing a pediatrician, and infant care. She started by distributing cards with labor scenarios on them - each couple read a scenario and said how they would respond, and then we discussed it. We got the best one: "It's 6pm. You've had a few hours of contractions every eight minutes, but you still feel pretty good in between each one. As you're in the kitchen preparing dinner, suddenly you feel a big gush of fluid and the contractions become much more intense and are right on top of each other. You have an overpowering sense that the baby is coming. What do you do?"![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rivka: "I would turn off the stove." (Yes, and then I would lie down and shout for Michael, and he would call 911 and unlock the door for the paramedics. But turning off the stove sounded like the best way of ensuring that the baby and I would come home from the hospital to find our house still standing.)
Water birth: Michele explained it briefly, and then we watched a video of a water birth. Important points to keep in mind: you shouldn't get too fixated on the idea that you want to be in the tub, because some women find that they don't like it. The water is kept just above blood temperature, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't get very warm in the tub room, so (a) some people feel dizzy and overheated, and (b) fathers should wear light clothing. I mentioned that I wasn't sure how a whole crowd of people would fit into the bathroom where the birth tub is, and she said that usually when you're in the tub you don't need a lot of ongoing additional support, so it's a good time for your support people to take a break. But yeah, it would be difficult if you actually birthed in the tub, and everyone wanted to be there to watch. My conclusion after watching the water birth video: I would very much like to have access to the tub during labor, but I'm pretty sure I want the Li'l Critter to be born on dry land.
We spent a lot of time talking about postpartum adjustment and the effects of childbirth on the mind, the body, and the relationship. Michele recommends allowing very few visitors in the first couple of weeks, and putting anyone who does visit to work. "They should show up with a casserole in their hands. And when they ask 'is there anything I can do to help?' you should give them something to do." She also assured us that we would not be alone and without help, although we would probably feel that way, and gave us a rundown of support options. One nice thing I didn't know is that she welcomes phone calls from her childbirth class graduates - we can call with questions about infant care or just to get reassurance.
Physical adjustment: "if you're still seeing bright red blood at two weeks postpartum, you're doing too much." We should not try to start getting back in shape immediately. We should not take the stairs more than twice a day. We should not, in fact, do much of anything in the first few weeks, other than nurse and sleep. "You can start having sex again when the bleeding stops and when she says she's ready. Hear that, guys? When she says she's ready." We should not expect the first few times to be comfortable. She recommends Astroglide in industrial quantities.
Emotional adjustment: 85% of new mothers get the "baby blues" shortly after they come home from the hospital. Crying spells during the first week are not abnormal and are not a sign of postpartum depression. The best treatment for the baby blues is rest and social support. If the blues extend past the first week or two, or become so overpowering that you don't care about yourself or the baby anymore, that's an urgent call to the midwife. Medication helps.
Relationship adjustment: yes, having a baby can put a strain on a relationship. We went over the alt.poly mantra ("communicate, communicate, communicate") and talked about some of the little things we can do to feel connected. She wants us to have a babysitter by three months, so that we can go out as a couple. She also mentioned that many new fathers panic about their adequacy as breadwinners and start working extra hours, which is often misunderstood by new mothers as the father avoiding the home and the baby. In this scenario, good communication about feelings can help prevent disaster.
Choosing a pediatrician: it's important for the pediatrician to have good office hours and convenient coverage arrangements, and to be supportive of your parenting philosophy, but the number one requirement for a pediatrician is that you should feel comfortable calling them up and crying at them when you're terrified. Okay.
Baby care: we whipped through this topic. What your baby looks like after birth: ugly. (She had pictures.) A brief five-minute guide to breastfeeding positions and how to get the baby latched on, and a fair amount of information about where to get additional help and advice. How to take a baby's temperature, complete with an anti-ear-thermometer sermon I have already heard several times from my mother. How to bathe and swaddle the baby. How to take care of the umbilical cord stump. How to care for a circumcision site, which resulted in widespread wincing and confirmed our decision that we wouldn't circumcise a boy.
And then we were done, and that was it. So theoretically, we're ready now.
Ha.
Everything looks great. Blood pressure 98/66, no swelling in my hands and feet, no spilling protein or sugar. I only gained three pounds this month (maybe because I didn't have much of an appetite during my two-week cold) but the midwives continue to worry less about my low weight gain than I do. My uterus is measuring perfectly - 32cm from the pubic bone to the top of the uterus at 32 weeks (I love that one-to-one correspondence). The baby is head down and has a strong, steady heartbeat. I have finally managed to kick the Yeast That Would Not Die. All is well. The only minor annoyance is that my rosacea is flaring up, after more than a year of no symptoms. So it's back on the MetroGel.
The midwife also filled out my Family Medical Leave Act paperwork, which allows me to go ahead and schedule my maternity leave, and pronounced our draft birth plan "perfect." (Should I post the birth plan?)
Last Tuesday, we also had our last childbirth class. I'm going to miss it - I've learned so much, and I've gained so much confidence. Fortunately, Michele (our instructor) also facilitates a mothers' group which is a combination of ongoing parenting education and emotional support. So I might do that. I also think I might want to keep in touch with one of the other women in the class, but I don't know. I'm so shy about these things.
The final class was pretty info-packed: labor signs review, water birth, postpartum adjustment, choosing a pediatrician, and infant care. She started by distributing cards with labor scenarios on them - each couple read a scenario and said how they would respond, and then we discussed it. We got the best one: "It's 6pm. You've had a few hours of contractions every eight minutes, but you still feel pretty good in between each one. As you're in the kitchen preparing dinner, suddenly you feel a big gush of fluid and the contractions become much more intense and are right on top of each other. You have an overpowering sense that the baby is coming. What do you do?"
rivka: "I would turn off the stove." (Yes, and then I would lie down and shout for Michael, and he would call 911 and unlock the door for the paramedics. But turning off the stove sounded like the best way of ensuring that the baby and I would come home from the hospital to find our house still standing.)Water birth: Michele explained it briefly, and then we watched a video of a water birth. Important points to keep in mind: you shouldn't get too fixated on the idea that you want to be in the tub, because some women find that they don't like it. The water is kept just above blood temperature, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't get very warm in the tub room, so (a) some people feel dizzy and overheated, and (b) fathers should wear light clothing. I mentioned that I wasn't sure how a whole crowd of people would fit into the bathroom where the birth tub is, and she said that usually when you're in the tub you don't need a lot of ongoing additional support, so it's a good time for your support people to take a break. But yeah, it would be difficult if you actually birthed in the tub, and everyone wanted to be there to watch. My conclusion after watching the water birth video: I would very much like to have access to the tub during labor, but I'm pretty sure I want the Li'l Critter to be born on dry land.
We spent a lot of time talking about postpartum adjustment and the effects of childbirth on the mind, the body, and the relationship. Michele recommends allowing very few visitors in the first couple of weeks, and putting anyone who does visit to work. "They should show up with a casserole in their hands. And when they ask 'is there anything I can do to help?' you should give them something to do." She also assured us that we would not be alone and without help, although we would probably feel that way, and gave us a rundown of support options. One nice thing I didn't know is that she welcomes phone calls from her childbirth class graduates - we can call with questions about infant care or just to get reassurance.
Physical adjustment: "if you're still seeing bright red blood at two weeks postpartum, you're doing too much." We should not try to start getting back in shape immediately. We should not take the stairs more than twice a day. We should not, in fact, do much of anything in the first few weeks, other than nurse and sleep. "You can start having sex again when the bleeding stops and when she says she's ready. Hear that, guys? When she says she's ready." We should not expect the first few times to be comfortable. She recommends Astroglide in industrial quantities.
Emotional adjustment: 85% of new mothers get the "baby blues" shortly after they come home from the hospital. Crying spells during the first week are not abnormal and are not a sign of postpartum depression. The best treatment for the baby blues is rest and social support. If the blues extend past the first week or two, or become so overpowering that you don't care about yourself or the baby anymore, that's an urgent call to the midwife. Medication helps.
Relationship adjustment: yes, having a baby can put a strain on a relationship. We went over the alt.poly mantra ("communicate, communicate, communicate") and talked about some of the little things we can do to feel connected. She wants us to have a babysitter by three months, so that we can go out as a couple. She also mentioned that many new fathers panic about their adequacy as breadwinners and start working extra hours, which is often misunderstood by new mothers as the father avoiding the home and the baby. In this scenario, good communication about feelings can help prevent disaster.
Choosing a pediatrician: it's important for the pediatrician to have good office hours and convenient coverage arrangements, and to be supportive of your parenting philosophy, but the number one requirement for a pediatrician is that you should feel comfortable calling them up and crying at them when you're terrified. Okay.
Baby care: we whipped through this topic. What your baby looks like after birth: ugly. (She had pictures.) A brief five-minute guide to breastfeeding positions and how to get the baby latched on, and a fair amount of information about where to get additional help and advice. How to take a baby's temperature, complete with an anti-ear-thermometer sermon I have already heard several times from my mother. How to bathe and swaddle the baby. How to take care of the umbilical cord stump. How to care for a circumcision site, which resulted in widespread wincing and confirmed our decision that we wouldn't circumcise a boy.
And then we were done, and that was it. So theoretically, we're ready now.
Ha.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 02:41 pm (UTC)I've always heard babys post-birth compared to Winston Churchill. I wonder why he specifically got the nod?
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 02:49 pm (UTC)K.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 02:57 pm (UTC)Is there any way of keeping in touch with the other people you met in your class? Would you want to do that? (I think I probably would.)
-J
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 03:00 pm (UTC)The ones available for the home market aren't very accurate, but even hospital ear thermometers aren't good for infants because their little ear canals are so tiny. So the thermometer doesn't go in properly, and you don't get a good reading.
I've always heard babys post-birth compared to Winston Churchill.
That's, like, after a week or two. Just-born babies are even uglier than Sir Winston - they've got coneheads and blue hands and feet, they're often bright red, and there are various funky skin things that can go on. Like hair. And zits.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 03:02 pm (UTC)Seriously - congratulations, it sounds as if everything is going ::ahem:: swimmingly.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 03:06 pm (UTC)Also, you should try and keep up with the woman in your class who appealed to you. I bet it'll be totally worth the discomfort of trying to make it happen and I know all about that discomfort!
Re: The time after birth: I'm here for you guys, you know. If you need an extra pair of hands or some practical tasks tackled or a sympathetic ear or whatever.
I hope this is funny; I think it is, anyway
Date: 2005-02-14 03:12 pm (UTC)"Well, Mrs. Miles, what symptoms is she (he) showing?"
"None, yet, but she (he) will be soon."
"Mrs. Miles, I respect your judgment and appreciate your desire to catch this early, but I really can't diagnose anything until there are some actual symptoms. Call back tomorrow, okay?"
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 03:53 pm (UTC)Best wishes for continued good-pregnancy-stuff and a good birth. :)
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 03:56 pm (UTC)Yes of course post the birth plan!
How often do you see the midwife now?
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 04:31 pm (UTC)-J
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 04:34 pm (UTC)A couple things from my perspective:
At least at our hostpital, the birthing tub was japanese-bath sized, in a double-size maternity suite. There was room for about 10 people.
No matter at what point you get it, thoughts that the baby would be better off without you is a big depressoion flag. Call/tell someone right away. I was weirdly resistant about getting help the first time, and sil pretty much had to frogmarch me back to the midwife for help.
Re: I hope this is funny; I think it is, anyway
Date: 2005-02-14 04:36 pm (UTC)My mother, and I, used to work in hospitals, so I was familiar with the sorts of things people do/worry about.
The calls he got when he was on call for the practice.
My favorite (this was back before cell-phones were what they are now) was the beeper going off, him calling the service and then having to call Hawaii. Some level of real emergency was assumed (the call was, after all, from Hawaii.
Nope the kid had a sunburn, and a slight fever (d'uh).
Yeeesh.
How does the mid-wife feel about the forehead thermometers?
TK
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 05:00 pm (UTC)In my experience, when you have a small baby, it's useful to know other people with babies the same age, and when you have a toddler, it's indispensible -- but if she's going to be in daycare this may be really different for you.
Please do post the birth plan.
Oh, and as for sex after giving birth, do remember that PIV sex is not the whole of sex -- oh, and also you'll be so tired anyway.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 05:10 pm (UTC)I paid my dues in other ways.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 05:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 06:37 pm (UTC)Red, pointy, hairy, zitty, and YOURS, though, which I think goes a long way.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 08:24 pm (UTC)Then they asked him to check the sex.
Oh - and see if it's possible to keep in touch with the people from your class, I still meet a small number of people from my class and it's wonderful. It was especially good in the early days, but even now it's lovely. We're going to celebrate first birthdays together. But there are a fair few of them I just don't see ever and don't really want to.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 09:10 pm (UTC)I second
no subject
Date: 2005-02-15 02:28 am (UTC)And here I've been pitying my mother because my two oldest sisters are fourteen months apart.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-15 02:31 am (UTC)Re: The time after birth: I'm here for you guys, you know.
Thank you. That means an awful lot. As long as you're not still planning to dress my baby up in a tiny Yankee uniform, I'll be taking you up on it for sure. ;-)
no subject
Date: 2005-02-15 02:32 am (UTC)Our next appointment is three weeks after the last one. The one after that is two weeks later, and then it will be weekly until the baby is born. Although if she goes much past 41 weeks, probably they'll want us to come in even more often than weekly.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-15 03:45 am (UTC)A few years ago, I found the baby calendar my parents kept for my first year. I think I came home from the hospital on a Sunday. On the Saturday, the marked entry is:
"Mom and Dad's first Saturday night out without the baby"
Which makes me laugh because it was their first Saturday night *with* the baby!
Granted, I know that they are great parents who love their children, spend lots of time with us, but also believe it's important for all of us to have our own lives.
Fortunately, Michele (our instructor) also facilitates a mothers' group which is a combination of ongoing parenting education and emotional support. So I might do that.
That sounds like a great idea. Even if it doesn't offer anything educationally that you need (although it sounds like Michele always has good information), at least you'll have a social activity with other new parents :D
no subject
Date: 2005-02-15 03:51 am (UTC)I totally get the pitying your mom. My other sister (WINOLJ) is 13 months older than I am, and my brother is 13 months younger than I am. And my mother took the three of us, ages 4 months, 17 months, and 2 & 1/2, on a cross country train trip. Alone. With enough baggage to spend the summer with her folks. She was 23 years old at the time.
That's why their kids were about the same ages as us kids.
K. [such a middle kid, me]
no subject
Date: 2005-02-15 02:34 pm (UTC)I'm so sorry that happened to you.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-20 02:53 pm (UTC)(handing card with phone/email) "I enjoyed being in the class with you and I'm sure there will be times during maternity leave that I need to talk to someone going thru the same thing, please give a call."
RE: Visitors - Once I visited a house of someone ill (and this applies to new babies or morning) and I asked was there anything I could do or they needed - and she said "There is a list of the fridge" - on the fridge was a list of things that they needed done or errands - and some had lines thru with initials. and some were on going. Simple things like "Make sure all bathrooms have extra roll of toilet paper, kept in hall closet" (since they have more visitors then usual). "Unload and re-load dishwasher". "Offer to take extra flowers to nursing home" "Offer to rub my feet"
RE: Baby blues - YES this happend, yes this is normal, don't worry about it. You have just radically changed your life, there are worries and fears and wonders and emotions. Those around you have no problem hearing about them - REALLY we don't mind, even if it is the 4th time you mention the same fear. Our job is to ackowledge the fear, validate your feeling, and offer support.
(Yeap I have an ex-wife that I have been there for post-partum, I leared this lesson)
Other clue to support staff - yes the baby is wonderful and cute and new, but just like any NRE make sure that you give