A day in the life.

[rivka]

A big part of my strategy for surviving the first insane weeks of parenthood involves narrowing my focus. When I wake up in the morning, I don't think about whether I'm going to get any more sleep during the coming night than I did during the previous night. I don't think about how we'll cope when I go back to work. I don't think about whether it will be easier next month than it is right now. I mostly think about the time between right now and the next feeding. Occasionally, I branch out and think things like, "she needs a bath today," or "I'm going to need to pump sometime before Michael gets home." But that's the very limit.

Yesterday it occurred to me that it would be a good thing to get a larger picture of my day. Partly because I think it will be different in a month or so, and I want to preserve the memory, and partly because keeping my focus as narrow as I do means that I don't see my days as a whole. So yesterday I took notes. I don't expect this to interest anyone else, but here it is:

2:00am: The alarm goes off, and I wake Alex to eat. This wasn't supposed to be necessary anymore, but she was so soundly asleep at bedtime that neither Michael nor I could wake her to eat, and it made me nervous. I change her diaper. We nurse both sides, sleepily, and I give her a supplemental bottle - one ounce of expressed breast milk.
3:00am: She spits up about half the supplemental bottle, probably because I didn't burp her vigorously enough. And then she is hungry again. I try to fight it for a while, and then give up and nurse both sides again. When she continues to make tragically hungry faces, I give her a second supplemental bottle.
4:00: She sleeps. I sleep. Mmm, sleep.
7:30: Alex is stirring and making little conversational noises. I get up and change her diaper, and we nurse one side. She never wakes up fully, and drifts off to sleep on the breast.
8:00: I put her back in bed so that I can go to the bathroom and check my e-mail.
8:10: Alex is howling with outrage at having been callously abandoned when she is STARVING. I pick her up and put her to the other breast.
8:12: She falls asleep with her mouth on my nipple.
8:20: I take advantage of her sleep to shower and dress.
8:40: She wakes up and cries. We nurse the other side.
9:00: We move downstairs for the day. I pack up the diaper bag with everything we might want from the bedroom (nipple shield, used bottles, clean outfit for Alex), sling it over my shoulder, throw the nursing pillow over the railing, and carry Alex downstairs. She's sleeping. I hook myself up to the breast pump while she slumbers on the couch next to me.
9:15: Finished pumping - 2.75 ounces, a noble haul. I wash the pump parts and last night's bottles.
9:20: Alex continues to sleep. Mmmm, sleeping baby. I have breakfast (Cheerios and grapes). When she continues to sleep, I throw caution to the winds and have a cup of tea. I assemble the playmat we got as a shower gift. I write three thank-you notes. She continues to sleep! This is awesome. I read a little.
10:40: Alex wakes up and cries a little. I change her diaper and nurse one side.
11:00: She falls asleep while I'm burping her, so I put her in her bouncy seat to see if she'll wake up.
11:07: Alex is awake and mildly entertained by the toys dangling from the bouncy seat.
11:12: Entertained no longer, she fusses. I nurse the other side and give her a supplemental bottle.
11:40: She falls asleep on my shoulder, scrunched up in the fetal position. I bury my face in her hair and give it little kisses - God, she smells good. She smiles in her sleep.
12:05: I'm hungry, so I slide Alex into her sling and make myself some lunch. Smoked turkey and cheddar sandwich on seven-grain bread, Kettle chips, carrot sticks and red pepper strips with ranch dressing, lemonade-and-seltzer. I read through lunch - Georgette Heyer's The Convenient Marriage. It bothers me a little that I can instantly pick out the hero and heroine from the crowd, because they're the ones with grey eyes.
12:45: I go upstairs and surf the net for a while, Alex still asleep in the sling.
2:00: Whoa! How could it be two o'clock? Shouldn't this baby be awake by now?
2:05: I try puting her on her new playmat. She is unimpressed and starts to yell. I change her diaper and then put in a movie (Love! Valour! Compassion!) while we nurse.
2:50: I worry that she hasn't been eating enough today, and that she's been sleeping too much.
3:05: She wakes up and screams. I change her diaper - more screaming. She nurses like a starving thing.
3:20: She's finished one side, and I'm delaying the other one because she's got a nasty case of the hiccups. She sniffles and fusses. And fills her diaper again, so I change her again.
3:35: We nurse the other side. Alex is kind of desultory about it, and continues to be a fussy baby who doesn't really want to settle down to anything in particular.
4:05: Walking around the room with Alex. I put on a Glenn Miller CD, and we dance our way through "Moonlight Serenade," "In the Mood," and "Pennsylvania 6-5000." Sadly, Mama is still out of shape from pregnancy and childbirth, and we have to stop dancing after just three songs. Alex enjoyed it.
4:20: I give up and accept that we've entered the "nurse every hour" portion of the day. We nurse one side.
4:35: She falls asleep with one hand protectively clutching my breast. I drift off, as well.
5:00: Alex wakes up and we nurse the other side. Then we both fall asleep again.
5:45: Michael comes home. We chat briefly and he admires the adorableness of his baby. I more-or-less wake up, although Alex doesn't, and I read for a while.
6:30: I hand Alex off to her Papa so that I can pump (2.25oz) and start dinner. We're having one of our Let's Dish entrees - "pork chops with Italian stuffing," which means bread stuffing that has roasted red peppers, sun-dried tomatoes, and Italian spices in it. The dish itself doesn't seem particularly Italian.
7:05: Michael puts Alex in her bouncy seat, in hopes that she will wake up and nurse so that by the time our dinner is ready she will be full and happy. Ha.
7:30: She finally wakes up, and Michael changes her. I start to nurse, but she's not going about it in a particularly dedicated fashion.
8:00: I help Michael decide whether the pork chops are done. (Yes.) He serves up dinner. We put on Monday Night Baseball - because of a rain delay, they're showing the O's-Blue Jays game, yay! Except that the O's are trailing, alas.
8:15: Just as Michael brings in my plate, Alex starts crying to nurse. Damn it. We nurse one side.
8:25: I put her down for a few bites. She's not particularly happy about it.
8:35: I give up and nurse the other side. Michael cuts my food into bites in hopes that I'll be able to snatch a little here and there.
8:45: Finish nursing and hand the baby off to Papa. Dinner is surprisingly good, even lukewarm.
8:55: Cranky baby is nursing again. When she's irritable like this, her style of nursing involves a great deal of razor-sharp-fingernails-to-the-breast, which - combined with the incessant nursing - really hurts quite a bit. Which makes Mama just as irritable as Alex.
9:15: Now she's screaming. I ask Michael to make up a supplemental bottle.
9:25: I feed her the supplemental bottle. She falls asleep briefly, and then claws her way awake again. Because god forbid she sleep when she's this tired and unhappy, apparently. I try the pacifier, which sort of works. She's not screaming, but there's a certain volatility to the situation.
9:50: I hand her off to Michael so that I can pump. He sings to her in the lowest part of his register, which she seems to like. She doesn't fall asleep, though.
10:10: As is our usual routine, I ask Michael to give me ten minutes or so to get situated upstairs before he brings me the baby. I take the diaper bag and nursing pillow upstairs, take my meds, brush my teeth, sit down to check my e-mail, and hear "I think she's about to lose it." I ask him to change her diaper and then bring her up to nurse.
10:25: We nurse one last time. I'm honestly not sure there's anything left in my breasts, after all that cluster nursing and then the pumping, so because she still seems unsatisfied I give her one last supplemental bottle. She drifts off to sleep, and I can finally clip her razor-sharp nails. Michael takes the empty bottle downstairs to wash and refill it, so that I'll still have two ounces available for overnight.
11:00: Alex and I go to bed. We won't wake up until 4:00, so there's another fine five hours of sleep, yay.

There. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Comments

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

That sounds exhausting!

One of my friends told me that he sometimes put socks on his baby's hands so that the baby didn't cut herself.

[eeyorerin]

Doesn't that sound like fun?

As you have so eloquently said, it's a darn good thing that your (and her) biology makes you bond with her so much right now. :)

[geekymary.livejournal.com]

I remember those days. I'm wildly impressed with the fact that you actually cooked food for dinner. I don't remember exactly what we ate when Eddie was 3 weeks old, but I remember a lot of carry out and microwave stuff.

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

Isn't it amazing how *fast* the day goes, too? Even now (with the EB at the advanced age of 8 weeks), I sometimes look up and say "wow, it's already 2 p.m.?" Though we're finally getting into a bit more of a schedule now.....

In the early weeks, when we were having so much trouble with feeding, we started keeping a breastfeeding log (so we could tell the doctor if need be, or the lactation consultant, exactly what was going on) for a few weeks. I also started writing in there how much I pumped each time. There are some notes about her mood as well - as in "would not eat, screamed head off" and stuff. It will be fascinating at some point down the road to look back at it.

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

Heh. I call the hands The Claw.

THE CLAW demands breakfast!

But it's cute, and you're right, you should notice while it lasts.

[richtermom.livejournal.com]

Hey, you're using complete sentences! Wow, you're doing great! :^)

I think it's all still too soon for me. Squeaky's first 3 months were a blur. Boob. Sleep. Poop. More boob. Cry. (her, not me) More boob. More cry (both.)

Some day, when you get a chance, give Michael a big hug because a supportive partner is worth his weight in gold.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

It's one of those things where people just say "Can't describe it. If you've never done it, you don't know.", but you can describe it. Thank you for including those of us who never will know first-hand.

[saoba.livejournal.com]

This is where I second the socks or mitts or nightgowns with the sleeves that fold over the Deadly Ninja Baby Hands. Only one of my three tended to Deadly Ninja baby Hands, but she shredded me enough to make up for the slack her siblings cut me.

I want to stress that it sounds to me, based on your post, as if you guys are doing really well. Love to all of you.

[ailsaek.livejournal.com]

I remember the gritty-eyed sleep-wake-sleep don't-even-think-about-asking-me-to-do-anything-but-nurse-sleep-and-baby-care stage. I started taking notes when David was a little older than that because we were concerned he wasn't eating enough and I have two commonplace books full of David's day to day nursing and my day to day eating up until he was close to a year old.

There is little in life as wonderful as that first night you get eight solid hours of sleep.

[ailsaek.livejournal.com]

Deadly Ninja Baby Hands

That's just perfect. I love it! (The image, that is, not the experience.)

[curiousangel.livejournal.com]

Dinner actually consisted of a pre-prepared entree from Let's Dish!, where it had been fixed and frozen, and all we had to do was pop the dish in the oven, and then warm up some frozen green beans. I did make spaghetti the night before, but my repertoire of dishes is pretty limited, so carryout is a major part of our dining future.

[tammylc.livejournal.com]

Yep, that sure does sound like 3 weeks. Prime time for a growth spurt, so that might account for some of the cluster nursing and insatiability

I like to say that I have enjoyed all of the various stages of Liam's growth and development, but at the same time, I definitely wouldn't want to go back to where you are now!

But before you know it, you'll be celebrating Alex's first birthday and wondering how on earth a year has passed already. Sniff, sniff.

[geekymary.livejournal.com]

Oh good. I was about to be really scared of you. Cooking with a newborn in the house is seriously a superpower up there with telekenesis and flying. Same goes for cleaning. (although if you've got telekenesis, the cooking and cleaning does get easier, I suppose...)

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Exactly! To hell with "you can't describe it" ... those mothers just aren't trying hard enough. :-)

I'd teach Alex my surefire, never-fails hiccup cure, but I think she might be a little young.

-J

Good Lord!

[adela-terrell.livejournal.com]

I am the mother of a three week old Alex and a three week old Tom, and I would have been driven to hari kari if my day went like that! I think my boys are very good to me, maybe they realise that they can only get half my attention. They wake to eat every three hours on the dot now, which allows for popping out with them in their pram. They are still just 5lb though, maybe I have all this to come when they get a bit bigger. And your baby has the luxury of being offered the other breast, mine get one, but I swop sides with them in case one is eating more than the other, but they do get a lot more supplemental bottles. Oh, and they spend most of the day asleep, which is fair enough, they aren't due for another three weeks yet!

[ailbhe]

Wow, you are so... awake, and alert! I'm somewhat amazed. You can read! And watch TV! I am in awe of your brainpower.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my never-fail hiccup cure is drinking from the wrong side of a glass of water, but (a) babies shouldn't have water, (b) Alex can't drink from a glass, and (c) there is no wrong side to my nipples - they're round. So she's out of luck.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Heh. I see that Michael has already explained.

We're getting great mileage from the "Let's Dish" meals - lots of them need something added, like a vegetable or rice, but Michael is fully capable of doing that. I think it's probably a little more healthy than takeout, and better-tasting than storebought frozen dinners. So far, we've liked five of the six different recipes we've tried, which is not a bad ratio.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm still keeping a nursing-diapers-pumping log. I tried to discontinue it, but discovered that I'm totally incapable of keeping track on my own of how many supplemental bottles she's had. You wouldn't think that counting to six would be complicated, would you?

[journeywoman.livejournal.com]

If I'd had enough powers of concentration to take notes when Evan was three weeks old, it would've looked quite similar to that entry. Now that he's all grown up at five months, your post brings back a flood of fuzzy memories. Fear not--it gets much, much easier at about six weeks.

It bothers me a little that I can instantly pick out the hero and heroine from the crowd, because they're the ones with grey eyes.

At least they weren't violet-eyed.

Re: Good Lord!

[purplepaisley.livejournal.com]

They are still just 5lb though, maybe I have all this to come when they get a bit bigger.

Oh yes, you just might. I've often found the mothers of premies exclaiming about what quiet and easy babies they are. What they are is little and tired because they are putting so very much of their energy into eating and growing. Then they get fussy and their moms wonder what they're doing wrong.

Give 'em a month and a couple of pounds and they'll get perkier - and more demanding, I'll bet. But by then you'll be so much more skilled and will have tandem nursing down pat, so you'll make it! Just don't wonder what you're doing wrong or whether you're losing your milk - it just means that you are doing a wonderful job of growing your early little guys into big guys! Nurse, nurse, nurse and you'll make plenty of milk for them.

There is a wonderful family doctor here who does lactation work who nursed her own twins exclusively until they were six months, and continued nursing until they were two! She's a great person for mothers of multiples to consult. I wish we could clone her.

Re: Good Lord!

[adela-terrell.livejournal.com]

I had the downside of mine being started on bottles when we were in hospital, so I don't have the confidence not to give them bottles late in the day, I could have done with meeting your Doctor! And my Mum keeps talking about how my sister can't be making enough milk for her big baby, I don't want to be rude to her and tell her how wrong she is, and not to undermine little sis's breastfeeding confidence, she is doing so well.

And, yes, I fully expect life to get more difficult before it gets better as these guys get bigger.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Speaking of cooking, any ideas of what you'd like on Thursday?

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I'm thawing a "Let's Dish" meal, actually - barbecued pork to cook in the Crock-pot. So we'll have that, and we can throw together vegetables to go with.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

OK, that'll be fine. Anything you need, just drop a note and I'll pick it up on my way over.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

What if you hung upside down off the bed or something?

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Zoe gets random hiccups, but won't drink upside down from a glass. :)

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

You wouldn't think that counting to six would be complicated, would you?

It'll all come back to you after a few years. :)

Re: Good Lord!

[purplepaisley.livejournal.com]

They're awfully swift with the bottles for premies. I don't know why, but I've seen that it's a train that can run you down before you even know it's happening. :-(

It's a good thing your sister has you for support. There are a lot of grannies who need cluesticking, unfortunately. I know they mean well and they worry, but it's really, really hard when you're a new mom and don't have a lot of confidence in yourself yet. Sounds like both you and your sister are doing really well, though, so perhaps your mom will start to believe that you both really *do* know what's right for yourselves and your families. Hang in there.

(And if you're interested in getting rid of the bottles, it can be done, but it would probably be good to do it gradually so you don't freak yourself out too much - it's really scary to worry about whether you're starving your child. I don't have much experience with twins at this point, but with a single baby I'd suggest trying to nurse really thoroughly then burp and swaddle and cuddle and wait a bit before offering a bottle to see whether the baby really needs it or is just expecting it. It would mean nursing more during that late day period (or even around the clock) for a few days until you build up your supply, so having extra support around at that time might help. If you're in touch with a breastfeeding clinic or a parents of twins group where you live they could help. But if you're comfortable with the routine you're establishing and your babies are thriving, that's okay too. Your kids, your choice.)

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Yes, the grey eyes do get annoying. Especially when they are always humorous or betray subtle emotions. (My favourite Heyer novel is Venetia btw.)

Thank you very much for posting this - I was wondering whether I should warn work not to expect anything from me during the first couple of months post-birth. Got my answer :)

Huge hugs to the three of you,

perceval

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

My favorite is how *every single time mommy gets food* is the hungriest time for baby. Who is now waking up, gotta go....

[starstraf.livejournal.com]

Mary I run into you in the oddest places.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Hey! Who are you calling odd?!

[starstraf.livejournal.com]

well an odd place for my mono-chicago friend to pop up

[lcohen]

We're having one of our Let's Dish entrees - "pork chops with Italian stuffing," which means bread stuffing that has roasted red peppers, sun-dried tomatoes, and Italian spices in it. The dish itself doesn't seem particularly Italian.

if the spices contain oregano, that's italian!!

i actually have a spice post rolling around in my head but it is not fascinating. that doesn't mean i won't make it, though.

He sings to her in the lowest part of his register, which she seems to like.

ah, so chest voice. so noted.

*lots of hugs* the good news (for me) is, anything i cook will seem fresh and exciting. and it just about takes a newborn to make that happen!