A letter to my daughter.

[rivka]

Dear Alex,

You have so much to learn about the world, and of course it is your Mama's duty to be your educator and guide. In that vein, let us discuss the principles of humor.

Irony is an extremely rich substance, most effective when applied in small, well-spaced doses. Do not be tempted to use too heavy a hand; in particular, repetition kills irony. Thus, staying awake half the night and then falling into a deep sleep just as Mama has to get up for the day, done once, will produce a wry smile at the vagaries of life. Done twice, it will merely produce swearing.

A time-honored form of humor is to set up certain dramatic expectations in one's audience and then violate them. Clearly you have mastered this principle. However, I must caution you that when you stay awake half the night and then fall into a deep sleep just as Mama has to get up for the day, and then you violate the expectations you have established by waking up hungry just as Mama sits down with her bowl of Cheerios, you run the risk of being perceived as mean.

Finally, although there are those who would argue that wretched excess is, in and of itself, funny: in the first place, that is one of the basest forms of humor, and in the second place, it was never meant to apply to diapers.

Comments

[eeyorerin]

Oh my! That is terribly funny.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear.

May I forward this (or forward the link) to several of my co-workers who have children and would appreciate it? Especially my co-worker Alec, who has a newborn (their second child)?

[ailbhe]

*snigger*

That's wickedly funny.

A.
(Who thinks you should spend a day in bed with Alex and some books soon if you haven't already. Baby, books, and snacks for both of you. As part of your new, not-killing-yourself regime).

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

With diapers, however, being the basest form of humour in and of themselves, wretched excess seems all too appropriate :-)

(Ducking and running before one of said diapers splats on my head)

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

You do know about the note_to_kid community, don't you? This would be perfect for that.

[erikted.livejournal.com]

Pure brilliance.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes, I remember this. You have a better sense of humor than I do: I didn't think it was funny the *first* time.

[marykaykare.livejournal.com]

You is a wicked evil woman. A very funny wicked evil woman.

MKK

[saoba.livejournal.com]

Dear Alex,

Now, sweetie, you know that your Auntie Barbara adores you beyond all reason. And so it grieves me to have to be the one to break this bit of bad news to you, but really you are a big girl and must face the truth.

You are the victim of a cruel universe. You have been saddled with the most awful of fates for a girl.

You have a very clever and very articulate mama. This means that not only will she deal with your various little quirks handily but she will be damned amusing about it in front of other people! You will spend your life being the target of knowing looks and little secretive smiles from her friends and there's nothing to be done but to suck it up and learn to deal.

The only consolation I can offer you is my deep and abiding belief you are at least as clever as your mama... and get to inflict all the joys of puberty upon her come the day.

Love, Auntie B

[rivka.livejournal.com]

You know, actually, even if this would work for us logistically, it doesn't really appeal to me. I think it would make me feel like an invalid, which would be a step backwards. I get much more of a lift out of the fact that our new not-killing-me routine allows us to go for a walk every day.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Of course! I'd be honored.

[ailbhe]

Ah! That I understand. It made me feel like I was on holiday when I actually did it, but now I remember that as soon as I could, I got out of the house and sat in a cafe for several hours a day.

I tend to forget how physically able most people are in the first few months after birth. Sorry.

In the half-remembered words of Ogden Nash:

[ailbhe]

"I have a little Daddy
who goes in and out with me
And everything that Baby does,
Daddy's sure to see.
And everything that Baby does,
Daddy's sure to tell -
You must have read my Daddy's verse:
I hope he rots in hell."

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

My e-mail client thinks that the correct spelling of "Rivka" is "rival". It is mistaken and silly.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you both have a lot to teach each other.

B

[kightp.livejournal.com]

*grin* I see you have the daughter you deserve.

[cockermom.livejournal.com]

Mary (Mactavish) sent me over here. I have a baby boy named Alex, born May 12th (10 days late). Today we were told to add a little formula to get him to gain weight, but do it after breastfeeding him a half hour... (every 3-4 hours). Mary said you were going thru somethign similar? This is only temporary until he gains weight until he's at his birth weight (he's only 77g away).

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Sorry with the delayed response. I had serious problems with breastfeeding and weight gain for my infant - if your baby is only 77g under birthweight at two weeks, you're doing a lot better than we ever did. (Mine was five ounces under birthweight at four weeks.)

I hope things are looking up.