I'm sure there is. I don't know what it is. I'm trying to find it.

Part of what I do to try to achieve that is partake in communities of which I do not actually approve, because, well, the idea of everyone asking for advice in there getting it from the crazy mother-eating lunatics frightens me.

I'm afraid I might be a crazy mother-eating lunatic.

I HATE the guilt thing. I don't have the strength to contradict it every time I see it, but I do hate it.

I don't know how much of what I wrote back then you read. You weren't the only mother I knew who desperately tried to breastfeed and couldn't, of course... but you were the only one on LJ. And the only one who could afford a lactation consultant. I assumed you'd be filtering me out. But at some stage, I'd like your opinions on those pieces. Because, you know, it was easy for me. I want to know how to help the people it's not easy for - not necessarily how to help them breastfeed, but how to help them cope. And how to encourage the 1/3 of all women who never even try, once.

I'm a bit afraid of your opinions, mind you. I have no idea how nasty what I'm saying is.