I thought I didn't have anything else to say, but it turns out I did.
Here's another thing I saw endlessly quoted in lactivist circles: "guilt is a sign of awareness that you're doing the wrong thing." And its corollary: "No one can make you feel guilty unless you know you are wrong." There it is: permission to say the most godawful things imaginable to another mother, secure in the knowledge that if it hurts her, it's her own damned fault.
As you might imagine, this line of reasoning drives me utterly looney. Saying hurtful things is hurtful--period. And even if you *don't* feel guilty about something, even if you know, fully and completely, that it's not your fault, it can still be extraordinarily painful to hear someone you care about telling you that you *should* feel guilty about it.
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Date: 2006-04-12 07:19 pm (UTC)Here's another thing I saw endlessly quoted in lactivist circles: "guilt is a sign of awareness that you're doing the wrong thing." And its corollary: "No one can make you feel guilty unless you know you are wrong." There it is: permission to say the most godawful things imaginable to another mother, secure in the knowledge that if it hurts her, it's her own damned fault.
As you might imagine, this line of reasoning drives me utterly looney. Saying hurtful things is hurtful--period. And even if you *don't* feel guilty about something, even if you know, fully and completely, that it's not your fault, it can still be extraordinarily painful to hear someone you care about telling you that you *should* feel guilty about it.
-J