(I am here by way of pixel. I don't believe we've ever been introduced, but hi. I am PG.)
I agree that there has to be a better way. I wish I knew what it was. And not just breastfeeding, but so many aspects of parenting. I will say up front that I did have two successful nursing relationships. It made my life easier, yes. It did not make me a better parent, any more than having a c-section made me less of a "real" woman, or using the amazing stupefying powers of television to get in a shower now and again condemned my kids to a life of listless, overweight stupidity.
One of the biggest things I see is that there is so much information being thrown at new parents, and so many people questioning their choices, that it really encourages turning a vague preference into dogma because you have to defend it over. And over. And over, until you either go blue in the face or are ready to hand your child to the next person who questions you and say "Fine. YOU raise him, I'm going to go catch up on all the sleep I've lost."
I think that people need to go in on the assumption that most mothers (parents, really, although fathers do seem to dodge most of the worst of the judgment) are doing the best job they can do. And not "Oh, I know you're trying, dearie" with the unspoken implication that maybe you could try just a bit harder and everything would miraculously become perfect.
Grant that mothers have brains, which they are using in this endeavor. Grant that yes, the sanity and physical and financial well-being of the parents is an important part of the decision, not an afterthought. Grant that the goal of parenting is not to optimize your child like a tiny machine, but to get them safely to a point where they can use their potential, and that this margin is much more forgiving than some magazine cover would have you believe. Grant that there may be circumstances you don't know about. Grant that even if the situation is exactly what it looks like on its face it might be none of your damn business that someone else's child is not being raised exactly like your child. Admit that you have fallen short of your own expectations from time to time, because you are human, and realize that nobody is going to swoop down from on high and imprint your forehead with a scarlet B if you mention these failings out loud.
[I am always amazed by the parents who come out of the woodwork and thank me for admitting that sometimes I do not like this mommy job. This does not mean that I wouldn't do it again, or that I don't love my kids. It just means that it is sometimes physically taxing, or pushing the bounds of sanity, and I will not publicly uphold the idea that if we just worked a little harder (or worse, had the right Things) it would be clear sailing right up until they were 18 and you could escort them to the edge of the nest and hug them and they would fly off as fully functional adults.]
I think the best way to encourage breastfeeding is to expand the reach of those favorable circumstances. Make lactation consultants more widely available. As time goes on, more women will have friends or relatives who breastfed and offer support. (My mom made me a lap tray that would hold a book, all the remotes, and a big glass of water. It didn't make or break anything, but it sure made it a more pleasant experience.) Structure workplaces so that pumping is possible for more women. Tell women that yes, every little bit counts, even if they only do it for a week or nurse once a day or quit at the first sign of a tooth, and that any breastfeeding is a positive rather than saying that the lack of it is a negative. It still won't apply to every woman - I have a rant about the class divide, but this is long enough- but again, something is better than nothing.
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I agree that there has to be a better way. I wish I knew what it was. And not just breastfeeding, but so many aspects of parenting.
I will say up front that I did have two successful nursing relationships. It made my life easier, yes. It did not make me a better parent, any more than having a c-section made me less of a "real" woman, or using the amazing stupefying powers of television to get in a shower now and again condemned my kids to a life of listless, overweight stupidity.
One of the biggest things I see is that there is so much information being thrown at new parents, and so many people questioning their choices, that it really encourages turning a vague preference into dogma because you have to defend it over. And over. And over, until you either go blue in the face or are ready to hand your child to the next person who questions you and say "Fine. YOU raise him, I'm going to go catch up on all the sleep I've lost."
I think that people need to go in on the assumption that most mothers (parents, really, although fathers do seem to dodge most of the worst of the judgment) are doing the best job they can do. And not "Oh, I know you're trying, dearie" with the unspoken implication that maybe you could try just a bit harder and everything would miraculously become perfect.
Grant that mothers have brains, which they are using in this endeavor. Grant that yes, the sanity and physical and financial well-being of the parents is an important part of the decision, not an afterthought. Grant that the goal of parenting is not to optimize your child like a tiny machine, but to get them safely to a point where they can use their potential, and that this margin is much more forgiving than some magazine cover would have you believe. Grant that there may be circumstances you don't know about. Grant that even if the situation is exactly what it looks like on its face it might be none of your damn business that someone else's child is not being raised exactly like your child. Admit that you have fallen short of your own expectations from time to time, because you are human, and realize that nobody is going to swoop down from on high and imprint your forehead with a scarlet B if you mention these failings out loud.
[I am always amazed by the parents who come out of the woodwork and thank me for admitting that sometimes I do not like this mommy job. This does not mean that I wouldn't do it again, or that I don't love my kids. It just means that it is sometimes physically taxing, or pushing the bounds of sanity, and I will not publicly uphold the idea that if we just worked a little harder (or worse, had the right Things) it would be clear sailing right up until they were 18 and you could escort them to the edge of the nest and hug them and they would fly off as fully functional adults.]
I think the best way to encourage breastfeeding is to expand the reach of those favorable circumstances. Make lactation consultants more widely available. As time goes on, more women will have friends or relatives who breastfed and offer support. (My mom made me a lap tray that would hold a book, all the remotes, and a big glass of water. It didn't make or break anything, but it sure made it a more pleasant experience.) Structure workplaces so that pumping is possible for more women. Tell women that yes, every little bit counts, even if they only do it for a week or nurse once a day or quit at the first sign of a tooth, and that any breastfeeding is a positive rather than saying that the lack of it is a negative. It still won't apply to every woman - I have a rant about the class divide, but this is long enough- but again, something is better than nothing.