since I'm the new mom wired was referring to, I thought I'd throw in my thoughts on the subject.
there are days when I feel guilty or sad about not being able to sustain breastfeeding with my daughter, but thankfully those are fairly few and far between right now. she had major latching issues, significant jaundice, my supply never caught up, and it took 4 hands to keep her stimulated throughout her feedings, because she would fall asleep almost as soon as she had latched (which meant it was almost impossible to get a good feeding in by myself, and night feedings were a bitch).
I never thought I wouldn't breastfeed her. I accepted the possibility that we could hit a medical situation that would prevent it, but I never really thought it would happen. I mean, I started lactating about 10 days after conception, you would think I'd have no problems breastfeeding. and my milk came in about 24 hrs after having her, which seems like it should be a good thing, but actually made it harder because it made getting anything out harder when she most needed to be nursing for her jaundice. I saw a number of lactation consultants--I was doing everything right, and for the most part, so was she (she performed great in front of them, horribly at home, for no reason I could figure out). I pumped, and got less and less milk from doing so. I hand expressed, and got better results except horrible back pain from hunching over and cramping hands from expressing. and with formula she actually ate. I think there is a definite possibility that she would not have made it if we hadn't started her on formula when we did.
I'm sad that I won't be breastfeeding her. but while there are a lot of wonderful benefits to breastfeeding, when I weigh breastfeeding against my mental health, the benefits to my daughter of having a mentally healthy mom and being formula fed are much higher than having a mentally unstable mom and being breastfed. every nursing session got more and more frustrating (which doesn't help milk supply or let down) for both of us, and more and more involved me in tears. right now I don't have PPD. but I could see developing it if we kept following that path. and it was getting harder and harder not getting angry with her, even though it clearly wasn't her fault, and she was no happier with the situation than I was, and I was worried that sooner or later in my frustration I would accidentally hurt her somehow. and that was not an okay option.
three things have helped me feel more at peace with our decision to stop breastfeeding/pumping/expression and switch completely over to formula. the first is that when talking about our decision with our pediatrician and the lactation consultants, everyone was incredibly supportive. second, I think of my friends who were raised on formula or who have raised their children on formula, and they are great, smart people and great, smart kids. I cannot see how they have suffered from being formula fed. and third, I enjoy my time spent with my daughter so much more than I was when breastfeeding was driving me crazy. I enjoy feeding her, and since it takes a lot less time than breastfeeding was, I get lots more time to bond with her in other ways. and I love that.
I am sorry that you still feel as conflicted over this as you do. I am lucky that I haven't gotten any shit from people about my choice yet. I expect that I will, and that I will still have moments of sorrowful regret. I think you made the right choice for your daughter. and I think that as her mother it was your right to make that choice, and other people should find better things to do with their lives than running around finding things to judge others on.
no subject
there are days when I feel guilty or sad about not being able to sustain breastfeeding with my daughter, but thankfully those are fairly few and far between right now. she had major latching issues, significant jaundice, my supply never caught up, and it took 4 hands to keep her stimulated throughout her feedings, because she would fall asleep almost as soon as she had latched (which meant it was almost impossible to get a good feeding in by myself, and night feedings were a bitch).
I never thought I wouldn't breastfeed her. I accepted the possibility that we could hit a medical situation that would prevent it, but I never really thought it would happen. I mean, I started lactating about 10 days after conception, you would think I'd have no problems breastfeeding. and my milk came in about 24 hrs after having her, which seems like it should be a good thing, but actually made it harder because it made getting anything out harder when she most needed to be nursing for her jaundice. I saw a number of lactation consultants--I was doing everything right, and for the most part, so was she (she performed great in front of them, horribly at home, for no reason I could figure out). I pumped, and got less and less milk from doing so. I hand expressed, and got better results except horrible back pain from hunching over and cramping hands from expressing. and with formula she actually ate. I think there is a definite possibility that she would not have made it if we hadn't started her on formula when we did.
I'm sad that I won't be breastfeeding her. but while there are a lot of wonderful benefits to breastfeeding, when I weigh breastfeeding against my mental health, the benefits to my daughter of having a mentally healthy mom and being formula fed are much higher than having a mentally unstable mom and being breastfed. every nursing session got more and more frustrating (which doesn't help milk supply or let down) for both of us, and more and more involved me in tears. right now I don't have PPD. but I could see developing it if we kept following that path. and it was getting harder and harder not getting angry with her, even though it clearly wasn't her fault, and she was no happier with the situation than I was, and I was worried that sooner or later in my frustration I would accidentally hurt her somehow. and that was not an okay option.
three things have helped me feel more at peace with our decision to stop breastfeeding/pumping/expression and switch completely over to formula. the first is that when talking about our decision with our pediatrician and the lactation consultants, everyone was incredibly supportive. second, I think of my friends who were raised on formula or who have raised their children on formula, and they are great, smart people and great, smart kids. I cannot see how they have suffered from being formula fed. and third, I enjoy my time spent with my daughter so much more than I was when breastfeeding was driving me crazy. I enjoy feeding her, and since it takes a lot less time than breastfeeding was, I get lots more time to bond with her in other ways. and I love that.
I am sorry that you still feel as conflicted over this as you do. I am lucky that I haven't gotten any shit from people about my choice yet. I expect that I will, and that I will still have moments of sorrowful regret. I think you made the right choice for your daughter. and I think that as her mother it was your right to make that choice, and other people should find better things to do with their lives than running around finding things to judge others on.