Also here from Making Light. Hope you don't mind my posting a mini-novel (and friending you as well). I have a five-month-old son I am completely in love with. I did a ton of researching prior to conceiving and during my pregnancy. I intended to have as natural a birth as possible (though I was allowing for the possibility of pain meds if I just couldn't take it) and very much intended to breast-feed for at least the first year. Worst-case scenario (for me), I wanted to nurse the first three months. Unfortunately for me, things just didn't work out according to plan. Baby decided to flip around breech at the last minute AND had the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times, so I had to have a C-section. We found this out the day of my due-date and, while I'd been planning to wait longer if possible for him to decide to come on his own, ended up having an unplanned but scheduled (if that makes sense) C-section early the next morning.
Baby turned out to be a natural nurser, which excited me no end. It took a bit of positioning, but he latched right on and had a great suck. Unfortunately, from the beginning I had supply issues. Added to that the fact he had low blood sugar from day one and we were just sabotaged in our nursing efforts. Hormonal and recovering from the surgery, the last thing I wanted them doing was poking my poor baby in the foot all the time so I agreed to supplement the breast milk with formula to get his blood sugar levels in the normal range. It took a couple days, but finally they did level off. By then the damage had been done.
I spent the next weeks and months doing everything I could think of to get my supply up. I bought a great electric pump and pumped in addition to nursing. I got up nights to nurse and pump. Try as I might, I never could get my supply up very much. The most I would ever pump at a time (no matter the differing schedules I tried) was 1.5 ounces per breast. And that was in a particularly good pump. Typically I would manage to pump MAYBE 4-6 ounces in a day. A very good day. Unfortunately for my already bruised sense of self-worth as a mommy, this level did not stay consistent. It dropped off. Once I went back to work I continued pumping 3-5 times during the work day, in addition to nursing and pumping at home. My supply further decreased. Eventually I was lucky to get ONE OUNCE from both breasts after an ENTIRE DAY of pumping. This despite trying fenugreek and a weekend spent diligently nursing baby to get my supply up.
Finally, for my own sanity and the baby's well-being, I "forgave" myself for not being able to get my supply up. I "allowed" myself to be content with and proud of the 3 months nursing with formula supplementation I had managed. And I decided that the most important things are a happy, healthy baby and a happy, healthy (including mentally) mother, and to hell with anyone who believes or preaches otherwise. They're not living my life, so I'm sure as hell not going to give them the power to hurt me with their ego-centric, spiteful words.
I'm not going to lie. I shed some tears and criticized myself before I finally found peace with my decision. But my baby is 5 months old now and he and I couldn't be more in love or more closely bonded. Formula and all.
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Date: 2006-06-01 08:28 pm (UTC)Baby turned out to be a natural nurser, which excited me no end. It took a bit of positioning, but he latched right on and had a great suck. Unfortunately, from the beginning I had supply issues. Added to that the fact he had low blood sugar from day one and we were just sabotaged in our nursing efforts. Hormonal and recovering from the surgery, the last thing I wanted them doing was poking my poor baby in the foot all the time so I agreed to supplement the breast milk with formula to get his blood sugar levels in the normal range. It took a couple days, but finally they did level off. By then the damage had been done.
I spent the next weeks and months doing everything I could think of to get my supply up. I bought a great electric pump and pumped in addition to nursing. I got up nights to nurse and pump. Try as I might, I never could get my supply up very much. The most I would ever pump at a time (no matter the differing schedules I tried) was 1.5 ounces per breast. And that was in a particularly good pump. Typically I would manage to pump MAYBE 4-6 ounces in a day. A very good day. Unfortunately for my already bruised sense of self-worth as a mommy, this level did not stay consistent. It dropped off. Once I went back to work I continued pumping 3-5 times during the work day, in addition to nursing and pumping at home. My supply further decreased. Eventually I was lucky to get ONE OUNCE from both breasts after an ENTIRE DAY of pumping. This despite trying fenugreek and a weekend spent diligently nursing baby to get my supply up.
Finally, for my own sanity and the baby's well-being, I "forgave" myself for not being able to get my supply up. I "allowed" myself to be content with and proud of the 3 months nursing with formula supplementation I had managed. And I decided that the most important things are a happy, healthy baby and a happy, healthy (including mentally) mother, and to hell with anyone who believes or preaches otherwise. They're not living my life, so I'm sure as hell not going to give them the power to hurt me with their ego-centric, spiteful words.
I'm not going to lie. I shed some tears and criticized myself before I finally found peace with my decision. But my baby is 5 months old now and he and I couldn't be more in love or more closely bonded. Formula and all.