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Aug. 19th, 2001 10:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaIt's been a pretty quiet weekend. Last week was unusually action-packed, for us: dancing Monday evening, baseball Tuesday evening, sushi with one of Misha's friends Thursday evening, shooting Friday evening. So it was good to spend a couple of days lounging around, being with each other in a lazy sort of way, reading, watching TV, getting some housework done.
Misha came in to my study Friday evening, shortly after I posted the last entry, to assure me that he didn't feel that we were competing against each other in shooting, and I shouldn't worry about hurting his feelings. I realized as we talked that there's a part of me that believes, "if you're better at something than other people, they won't like you." I've got a whole bunch of reflexive strategies for downplaying my successes, for building other people up in situations in which I seem to have an advantage. And honestly, in most cases I think those strategies are a good idea - as long as I don't actually try to handicap myself. The trick, though - I think - is that modesty (or whatever you want to call it) ought to come from a position of self-confidence, not a position of anxious appeasement. Probably that part needs work.
I appreciated the opportunity to talk things out with Misha. He's got impressive clarity of vision, sometimes, and we understand each other well enough that our discussions of complicated issues or emotional trouble spots tend to go remarkably smoothly. Actually, we've been having something of a second honeymoon type thing going on, lately: spending more time together, doing more activities together, having more in-depth conversations and more physical contact. I think the easing of our financial situation has really lightened things between us, and made us feel celebratory.
It's really good.
Misha came in to my study Friday evening, shortly after I posted the last entry, to assure me that he didn't feel that we were competing against each other in shooting, and I shouldn't worry about hurting his feelings. I realized as we talked that there's a part of me that believes, "if you're better at something than other people, they won't like you." I've got a whole bunch of reflexive strategies for downplaying my successes, for building other people up in situations in which I seem to have an advantage. And honestly, in most cases I think those strategies are a good idea - as long as I don't actually try to handicap myself. The trick, though - I think - is that modesty (or whatever you want to call it) ought to come from a position of self-confidence, not a position of anxious appeasement. Probably that part needs work.
I appreciated the opportunity to talk things out with Misha. He's got impressive clarity of vision, sometimes, and we understand each other well enough that our discussions of complicated issues or emotional trouble spots tend to go remarkably smoothly. Actually, we've been having something of a second honeymoon type thing going on, lately: spending more time together, doing more activities together, having more in-depth conversations and more physical contact. I think the easing of our financial situation has really lightened things between us, and made us feel celebratory.
It's really good.
