When you're strong, and competent, you can step aside from your pain, and not let it overwhelm you... but it's still there, and it's still real, and you're still healing from it.

Those reactions, they're not that hard to understand. They're just signs of a healthy person dealing with a lot of complicated emotional stress.

I mean, think about it. You've had a loss... but IIRC, you're not even sure if it's a loss of what might-have-been, or if it was just an illness that seemed like a pregnancy. You don't know what the future will bring, and you're nervous about that, and you were very, very happy (but stressed) and given a serious letdown.

It's complicated stuff, and it's going to affect you in complicated ways. It's not a sign of being broken (though I reckon it does feel that way).

Re: Michael, darlin', you don't need to be the one person he shares his pain with, for every pain he has. Sure, you need to be there for him; he needs to know you love him, that there's no huge barrier between you, and sure, if you *can* help him, you certainly should. But you don't need to carry his burden of grief. It's good that he has someone who understands; it's good that you can deal with your own grieving without having to worry too much about him.

Be well, and know that my love and my prayers go with you always.