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Grief is kicking my ass today.
We went grocery shopping for the first time in two weeks. At the milk cooler, Alex was hopping around being helpful.
"Mom, do you need your yellow milk?" (Milk in the yellow carton is low-fat. She drinks whole milk, in the red carton.)
"No, I'm not going to buy any." I hate milk. I only consume it when I'm pregnant and need the extra calcium.
"But you don't have any yellow milk at home."
"I know. I'm not going to have any milk for a while."
We turn away from the case. She's still not done. "Mom, you drink special milk, right?"
Yes. When I was pregnant, I drank "special" low-fat milk that was just for me, not for underweight toddlers. I'm not pregnant now. I won't be buying any more low-fat milk unless I get pregnant again. Okay? We're not buying milk in the yellow carton BECAUSE THE BABY DIED.
I didn't say any of that. I just sent her off to the deli with Michael. And had the two of them play Letter Searchers in the check-out line so she wouldn't notice me crying.
OMG grief is just kicking my ass today.
We went grocery shopping for the first time in two weeks. At the milk cooler, Alex was hopping around being helpful.
"Mom, do you need your yellow milk?" (Milk in the yellow carton is low-fat. She drinks whole milk, in the red carton.)
"No, I'm not going to buy any." I hate milk. I only consume it when I'm pregnant and need the extra calcium.
"But you don't have any yellow milk at home."
"I know. I'm not going to have any milk for a while."
We turn away from the case. She's still not done. "Mom, you drink special milk, right?"
Yes. When I was pregnant, I drank "special" low-fat milk that was just for me, not for underweight toddlers. I'm not pregnant now. I won't be buying any more low-fat milk unless I get pregnant again. Okay? We're not buying milk in the yellow carton BECAUSE THE BABY DIED.
I didn't say any of that. I just sent her off to the deli with Michael. And had the two of them play Letter Searchers in the check-out line so she wouldn't notice me crying.
OMG grief is just kicking my ass today.