Okay, you win. That really is the most horrifying thing imaginable, saving perhaps the roach in the teacup for the Child Protection worker.

My father tells a story about the time his father brought home snails as a gourmet treat. They were in a little white cardboard box, which proved to be imperfectly sealed... as my grandmother discovered the next morning, when she opened the refrigerator and there were slime tracks across everything.