What I realized from my online wandering is that every mommy board out there has certain hot-button issues.
1. You've got the issues that are controversial elsewhere, but that 90% of the people on the board agree with each other on, and anyone who turns up who argues for the remaining 10% will be banned or run off for trolling. Nonetheless, threads on this subject can generate many, many replies.
Frequently, on mommy boards, there are certain things that are considered abusive or actively neglectful that are not seen that way by people outside the cult group. Depending on the board, it might be abusive to cosleep, or abusive NOT to cosleep; abusive to breastfeed for more than a year, or abusive to not breastfeed for at least two years; abusive to vaccinate, or abusive to not vaccinate; etc. There is frequently a strong consensus at a board on several of these. Frequently, you can do just fine at a board where you buck a few of these if you just don't ever bring it up. For example, if you like the community's attitudes overall but think they're whacked on the infant sleep issue (you use Ferber at four months exactly and to hell with anyone who has a problem with it -- sucks for them that they're tired all the time!) you may be fine just staying off the infant sleep threads.
2. You've got issues that are obscure elsewhere, but that on that particular board are incredibly controversial. The split here is not necessarily even, and can be as disproportionate as 75%/25%, but there is a vocal minority. Sometimes the board will collectively agree to disagree, or have the subject banned outright by the moderators. What can be particularly fun (or, you know, incredibly tedious) is when part of the board takes the position that one practice is abusive and the other group takes the opposite position and it gets argued over and over again. Often you'll get a splinter board started over these.
3. You've got issues that on that board are viewed as completely negotiable, with the attitude that responsible parents can make totally variable choices and whatever works for your family is fine. At MDC, schooling choices are viewed this way, which is great; there's a good homeschooling forum, and a decent Learning a School forum, and people are civil and helpful and open-minded. I consider the fact that they treat unassisted vs. midwife-assisted homebirth the same way ("oh, if you want a midwife, that's great! I, however, birthed alone in the woods with the howling wolves") genuinely freakish.
The trick is to find a board where all three categories roughly mesh with yours.
At the board I mostly post at, spanking and carseat use are in #1. Spanking is ABUSE, and failure to use a carseat is INCREDIBLY NEGLECTFUL. I'm fine with those -- I mean, I'm not as hysterical about spanking as some of the others, but I don't use it, either, and I'm okay with it being socially unacceptable. Cry-it-out for babies is also unacceptable -- that's one I don't much care about, but again, I never did it, so eh. Alternative health care is in #2: there are non-vaxers and there are also people who will call them irresponsible. Homebirth vs hospital birth is in #3, but it had better be an assisted homebirth (or at least planned that way) or we're back into category #1.
There's probably a board out there that would mesh with you but it can be hard to find it.
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1. You've got the issues that are controversial elsewhere, but that 90% of the people on the board agree with each other on, and anyone who turns up who argues for the remaining 10% will be banned or run off for trolling. Nonetheless, threads on this subject can generate many, many replies.
Frequently, on mommy boards, there are certain things that are considered abusive or actively neglectful that are not seen that way by people outside the
cultgroup. Depending on the board, it might be abusive to cosleep, or abusive NOT to cosleep; abusive to breastfeed for more than a year, or abusive to not breastfeed for at least two years; abusive to vaccinate, or abusive to not vaccinate; etc. There is frequently a strong consensus at a board on several of these. Frequently, you can do just fine at a board where you buck a few of these if you just don't ever bring it up. For example, if you like the community's attitudes overall but think they're whacked on the infant sleep issue (you use Ferber at four months exactly and to hell with anyone who has a problem with it -- sucks for them that they're tired all the time!) you may be fine just staying off the infant sleep threads.2. You've got issues that are obscure elsewhere, but that on that particular board are incredibly controversial. The split here is not necessarily even, and can be as disproportionate as 75%/25%, but there is a vocal minority. Sometimes the board will collectively agree to disagree, or have the subject banned outright by the moderators. What can be particularly fun (or, you know, incredibly tedious) is when part of the board takes the position that one practice is abusive and the other group takes the opposite position and it gets argued over and over again. Often you'll get a splinter board started over these.
3. You've got issues that on that board are viewed as completely negotiable, with the attitude that responsible parents can make totally variable choices and whatever works for your family is fine. At MDC, schooling choices are viewed this way, which is great; there's a good homeschooling forum, and a decent Learning a School forum, and people are civil and helpful and open-minded. I consider the fact that they treat unassisted vs. midwife-assisted homebirth the same way ("oh, if you want a midwife, that's great! I, however, birthed alone in the woods with the howling wolves") genuinely freakish.
The trick is to find a board where all three categories roughly mesh with yours.
At the board I mostly post at, spanking and carseat use are in #1. Spanking is ABUSE, and failure to use a carseat is INCREDIBLY NEGLECTFUL. I'm fine with those -- I mean, I'm not as hysterical about spanking as some of the others, but I don't use it, either, and I'm okay with it being socially unacceptable. Cry-it-out for babies is also unacceptable -- that's one I don't much care about, but again, I never did it, so eh. Alternative health care is in #2: there are non-vaxers and there are also people who will call them irresponsible. Homebirth vs hospital birth is in #3, but it had better be an assisted homebirth (or at least planned that way) or we're back into category #1.
There's probably a board out there that would mesh with you but it can be hard to find it.