rivka | (no subject)

It's been a year. (If you're pregnant, please don't click through the link.)

I would have had a six-month-old now. Playing with toys. Maybe sitting up.

If that pregnancy had not ended, I would not have become pregnant with the Niblet who is, at this very moment, trying to batter his way out of my belly with his feet. He would not exist. I will always look at this baby and know that great grief made him possible.

I have no great meaning to extract from what happened to us a year ago. I can only say that you endure what you must because there's no other choice, and eventually it ends. Suffering is finite.

I haven't forgotten; I don't think I could. Who I am has been shaped by what happened a year ago. I can still contact the sadness. But I'm not there anymore.

I survived.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

When I had my terrible accident during my pregnancy, I worried that I'd always think of Elena as a lightning-baby, as somehow scarred like the scars on my arm..... Her arrival changed that, I think - she is who she is, and that accident is just one (very subtle) facet of her, somehow (though she doesn't even really know about it yet). Niblet will be born, and he'll be himself and who he essentially is, and you will know that he's a wonderful baby. Yes, things could have turned out differently in the alternate timeline. You will always have that grief. But Niblet's wonderfulness will bring you copious amounts of joy.