(no subject)

[rivka]

It's just stuff.

Worse things happen to people every day.

I was robbed. My wallet and cell phone were stolen. As far as I can figure out, it was a research subject I was interviewing. While I was talking to him, someone knocked on the door, and I got up to tell them not to disturb us for another 20-30 minutes. It took maybe 30 seconds - and it was the only time all morning that my purse was out of my sight.

Around noon, I reached into my purse for my cell phone and decided I must have accidentally left it on the charger. At 1:00, I went to lunch and found that I had no way to pay for it. No chance that I left my wallet on the charger last night. Stolen.

I filed a report with security. I cancelled my credit cards and my ATM card. I had my phone de-activated. I've asked the housekeeping staff to keep an eye out for my wallet in the trash. I've made up a sign offering a reward, no questions asked, for the return of my phone and my assorted ID cards.

It's no big deal, really. People get their stuff stolen every day. But I've been feeling shaky and awful all afternoon anyway. It's going to be a hassle replacing all my ID - my driver's license, my medical card, my library card, my video rental cards, my social security card, my voter's registration, my shooting range membership... I don't even know what all was there, not for certain. The bank cards were easy in comparison - three banks, three phone calls. But I'm upset beyond the level of hassle involved. It's my things. He stole from me. I paid him $10 for participating in our study, I was kind and sympathetic and understanding, and the whole time he had my wallet and my cell phone. Shit.

It's just stuff.

I couldn't get hold of Misha, so I called Ben. "Where are you! I'm coming down there." And he took me out of work and bought me lunch and reassured me. It helped a lot that he didn't think I'd messed up. (If the Muscovite-Los Angeleno-New Yorker doesn't think you were insufficiently street cautious, you weren't insufficiently street cautious.) People at the clinic were also very kind, offering advice and sympathy and secure places to store my purse in the future.

I get the feeling that the sole purpose of the security report is to give me something I can show my insurance company. They're not actually going to look for the guy, even though I gave them his name. I don't know what they'd do if they found him anyway. By now, he's gotten rid of my identifiable things, and the cash - including whatever he got for the phone - has probably already gone into his arm. It's not like I would get any satisfaction.

It's just stuff.

So why do I feel so bad?

UPDATE: Wallet turned up with ID intact. Cell phone is still missing. I'm really confused - I'll post more later.

Comments

[griffen.livejournal.com]

First off.... that really sucks. I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. Nobody should have to go through that.

Secondly.... the reason it feels so bad is because it's something that you couldn't control, didn't expect, and had no reason to think would happen. It's a nasty surprise. Feeling bad about it is a normal reaction.

I don't even like *good* surprises, let alone bad ones.

*sympathy*

[kightp.livejournal.com]

It's just stuff.

So why do I feel so bad?

Because, as your mood-icon thingie points out, it feels like a violation.

IME (having had my wallet stolen twice, my car broken into once and my home burglarized twice in one week - by, as it turned out, the same creep), the root of the icky-creeped-out-anxious feeling that follows these kinds of things has a lot less to do with the stuff than with our sense of personal safety, and with disillusion.

You go along, minding your own business, taking reasonable precautions, thinking you're safe - and then somebody comes along and violates that, and you realize safety isn't absolute - and isn't entirely in your control.

You'll probably recover your sense of safety, but I found I lost a little ... innocence ... with each such incident. Not enough to get either callous or paranoid, but still ...

*hugs* from one who's BT,DT.

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

My sister was robbed on September 11. She said she was glad, because it was so much easier to remember that stuff is transitory.

2 months later she got the shakes, thinking about what had happened to her heirloom jewelry, and what could have happened to her, since she was home at the time.

I think you get to feel scared that people would enter your space/purse, and steal your belief that people are pretty decent.

[k-crow.livejournal.com]

You feel bad because he stole your sense of security, as well as your stuff. Worse things do happen to people, but this happened to *you*. I had my car broken into last year, and was so scared and shaken by the experience that Paul/Xzerrion had to hold me for a good 10 minutes while I cried and had the shakes. Fortunately the stuff that was stolen out of my trunk were all things that I didn't much care about one way or the other. We hadn't been using any of it.

It still left me feeling violated and scared, and y'know what, it's completely okay to feel that way. You didn't mess up, the creep just took advantage of an opportunity. You did a great job dealing with getting stuff cancelled, and taking care of the other necessary details. It sucks that security probably won't do more, but you already seem to have a handle on why they won't.

Give yourself a pat on the back for the things you did right, and try to remember that despite creeps like this, most people out there are pretty good folks all around.
-Kelley, aka Crow.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Hey love,

I'm glad Ben could be there for you. I'm sorry this happened.

Yours,

-Bill

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

That really sucks. And it is a violation of your space, your trust in people, and your trust in the way the universe works. But it's not your fault.

sympathy, and a thought or two

[redbird]

I suspect part of why you're upset is that he took all the pieces of paper we use to prove who we are, and carry out lots of day-to-day business. (Does having the ID back help?)

And, well, yes you know your clientele, but you were being kind and sympathetic, and expected some kind of human reciprocation, not that he'll help solve your problems, but that all he was trying to get was sympathy and the ten bucks.

What happens if he turns up at the clinic again?

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*