Yes, I completely agree, and I think your feelings and fears are quite common among families of dying people. It's not a situation for which we get a whole lot of preparation, in terms of what it's going to be like and what our options are and how to deal with what is happening.

When hospice is involved (in a hospice center or at home) I think they try to have a major focus be on supporting the feelings of the family. That's often not available to everyone, though. Dr. Kissane's newest work seems to involve a family therapy focused on grief and bereavement, which starts when the dying person is still alive. That seems like it would be a very good thing.