(no subject)

[rivka]

hobbitbabe recently posted questions about work - including asking about the oddest or most unpleasant work people had ever done. It got me thinking about my monkey job.

Then the monkeys came up in conversation today on our way home from work. "I didn't say anything about the monkeys in my list of 100 things!" I realized. "You could post an addendum," curiousangel suggested. I gave it a try:

1. I shaved the monkeys.
2. I dyed some monkeys red and green with Manic Panic hair dye. But I only did it once.

"Hey," I said. "This has potential."

So, without further ado:


1. I shaved the monkeys. I used a regular Gilette safety razor.
2. I dyed some monkeys red and green with Manic Panic hair dye. But I only did it once.
3. We carried the monkeys around in Playmate Coolers.
4. I once got in trouble with my housemates for leaving monkey blood in the refrigerator overnight.
5. I am all too familiar with the euphemism "self-mouthing."
6. The monkeys all had numbers tattooed on their arms in blue ink. No one but me seemed to think this was creepy.
7. I've spent much too much time looking after monkeys who had recently been anesthetized with ketamine to be able to conceive of that stuff as a party drug.
8. I am one of the world's experts on methods of testing infant monkeys' vision.
9. Even now, seven years later, when I see parents buying Corn Pops for their children, I am briefly shocked. That's monkey food.
10. It comforted me to reflect, from time to time, on the fact that my horrible, evil, cruel-to-the-monkeys boss used to have to jerk them off.
11. It comforted me even more to know that that would never, ever be part of my job description.

[Note: I don't really want to get into a debate about the validity of animal research. Something I once wrote about the topic can be found here. My opinion hasn't changed substantially since then.]

Comments

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Self-mouthing?!

And...I eat Corn Pops. But from now on, when I buy them, I'm going to announce that I'm buying myself a box of Monkey Chow. (Pity Corn Pops don't say "Ralston Purina" on them.)

Did you close the lid on the coolers? Does seeing people using those coolers now make you think that there might be a monkey inside?

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Self-mouthing?!

Uh huh. It's exactly what it sounds like. Infant monkeys are flexible little buggers.

Did you close the lid on the coolers?

How else would you keep the monkeys inside, huh? Yes, we closed the lids. They had air holes drilled in them. We'd also line the bottom with a towel, for comfort and cleanliness.

It was usually two monkeys to a cooler, and when they were small there was room enough to play. I'd often walk into a building and set the cooler down for a minute while I spoke to someone or set something up. People would walk past and see this lunch cooler shaking and making noises... we got some weird looks.

Does seeing people using those coolers now make you think that there might be a monkey inside?

Yes.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

-I suppose it doesn't look as good to call it "autofellatio" when referring to the activities of infant monkeys.

Did you close the lid on the coolers?

How else would you keep the monkeys inside, huh? Yes, we closed the lids. They had air holes drilled in them. We'd also line the bottom with a towel, for comfort and cleanliness.


Uhh. You're the one who shaved and dyed monkeys. Closing the lid seemed so mundane, somehow. I wish I could listen in on the moment that someone came up with this whole method, though. I know a lot of people who use the smallest size to carry lunch to work. Thanks to you, I'm now going to wonder...

I don't know if that's shared joy or shared pain.

[mittelbar.livejournal.com]

I bet "autofellatio" doesn't even *begin* to cover the possible manifestations of self-mouthing.

[oneironaut.livejournal.com]

(Pity Corn Pops don't say "Ralston Purina" on them.)

I had my first bowl of Corn Pops -- delicious, coveted Corn Pops -- in years last Friday. You just made my day.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're welcome, but you should thank Rivka, too. After all...