dancing gracefully, conversing awkwardly
Aug. 7th, 2001 02:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaLast night, Misha and Bill and I went to English Country Dance. Bill and I have been going, mostly together, since early April, but this was only Misha's second time. He does wonderfully well, especially given that he had a little trouble picking up ballroom dancing. I guess that English is much closer to the SCA dancing he used to do. Anyway, he's pretty good at picking up where he's supposed to go and when, but what really stands out beautifully is his style. Courtly. Lord, the way he bows... and makes eye contact... it's a real pleasure to watch him. I'm glad he decided to start coming with us.
The first time all three of us went, I felt a bit anxious about how I should divide my time between the two of them, and whether Bill would feel neglected, or Misha abandoned. It was much more comfortable this time. It helped that there were near-even numbers of men and women, so there wasn't any particular danger of either of them having to sit out if I wasn't dancing. I was also able to dance every dance myself, for the first time since the weather got hot. It was a dreadfully miserable day for dancing - heat index reached 105 yesterday, and there were air-quality alerts - but for once the caller actually planned for hot weather, and mostly chose slower, more elegant dances. The few vigorous ones were well-spaced apart. So I made it through every dance, and really enjoyed the change of pace and the opportunity for more grace and style.
Someone came up to me at the break: "Rivka! I heard... did you just get married?"
Me: "Uh, no, I've been married for about two years. But my husband just started coming to dancing. This is Misha."
Her: "Oh!" (look of confusion) "This is your husband?" (looks from Misha to Bill, nearby; rushes on:) "At least he'll come with you. My husband doesn't dance."
Me: (after a bit of internal stumbling) "Yeah, I'm glad to have two partners to dance with. He really won't try it?"
...and we go on to talk about her husband's steadfast refusal to dance. and we leave my "two partners" comment ambiguous.
It was an amusing conversation, but it was also awkward. I don't really like coming-out speeches, except in contexts in which they're actually relevant. In college I liked being out-there with my identities, dropping them into conversations to see how people would react, taking pride in surprising or shocking people, making them confront their assumptions. (I wince, in retrospect.) These days, I don't presume to lecture people on alternative relationship constructs unless they've actually asked to be enlightened.
I'm obviously "with" both Misha and Bill at ECD. I'm affectionate with both of them, to about the same extent: hugs, the occasional very quick kiss, hand holding, dancing together 2-3 times an evening. I would hope that it's clear, without me having to make any speeches, that they're both important people in my life. I expect it's also clear that they get along well with each other, and that nothing is happening behind anyone else's back. If anyone asks me directly, I'll tell them. (I do wonder if anyone will - I rather expect not. Unless I make closer friends there than I have so far.) Otherwise... well, as I get older I find myself less inclined to snatch every social interaction as an opportunity for consciousness raising.
I wonder if that means I've sold out, or just developed manners. *grin*
The first time all three of us went, I felt a bit anxious about how I should divide my time between the two of them, and whether Bill would feel neglected, or Misha abandoned. It was much more comfortable this time. It helped that there were near-even numbers of men and women, so there wasn't any particular danger of either of them having to sit out if I wasn't dancing. I was also able to dance every dance myself, for the first time since the weather got hot. It was a dreadfully miserable day for dancing - heat index reached 105 yesterday, and there were air-quality alerts - but for once the caller actually planned for hot weather, and mostly chose slower, more elegant dances. The few vigorous ones were well-spaced apart. So I made it through every dance, and really enjoyed the change of pace and the opportunity for more grace and style.
Someone came up to me at the break: "Rivka! I heard... did you just get married?"
Me: "Uh, no, I've been married for about two years. But my husband just started coming to dancing. This is Misha."
Her: "Oh!" (look of confusion) "This is your husband?" (looks from Misha to Bill, nearby; rushes on:) "At least he'll come with you. My husband doesn't dance."
Me: (after a bit of internal stumbling) "Yeah, I'm glad to have two partners to dance with. He really won't try it?"
...and we go on to talk about her husband's steadfast refusal to dance. and we leave my "two partners" comment ambiguous.
It was an amusing conversation, but it was also awkward. I don't really like coming-out speeches, except in contexts in which they're actually relevant. In college I liked being out-there with my identities, dropping them into conversations to see how people would react, taking pride in surprising or shocking people, making them confront their assumptions. (I wince, in retrospect.) These days, I don't presume to lecture people on alternative relationship constructs unless they've actually asked to be enlightened.
I'm obviously "with" both Misha and Bill at ECD. I'm affectionate with both of them, to about the same extent: hugs, the occasional very quick kiss, hand holding, dancing together 2-3 times an evening. I would hope that it's clear, without me having to make any speeches, that they're both important people in my life. I expect it's also clear that they get along well with each other, and that nothing is happening behind anyone else's back. If anyone asks me directly, I'll tell them. (I do wonder if anyone will - I rather expect not. Unless I make closer friends there than I have so far.) Otherwise... well, as I get older I find myself less inclined to snatch every social interaction as an opportunity for consciousness raising.
I wonder if that means I've sold out, or just developed manners. *grin*
