Cranky Rivka

[rivka]

One of my fellow passengers collapsed on the bus today. I didn't see it happen. I looked up when other passengers started talking about it, and saw her slumped over in an unnatural position, sideways with her head on the seat beside her. She had a big brace on her leg, and held a cane in one limp hand. People in nearby seats spoke to her, then shook her. No response. She was definitely breathing, though.

The driver pulled over and called the paramedics. As soon as it became clear that we weren't going anywhere, a man sitting directly in front of the unconscious woman became impatient.

"She's all right," he called to the driver. "She's all right, sir."

She continued to slump, unmoving.

"She's just fine," he repeated, urging the driver to resume the route.

"Are you a doctor?" I asked, knowing that he wasn't.

"No." He didn't even sound hostile when he answered me - just pleased with himself.

"Then you don't know that she's fine," I said in my most quelling voice.

He looked away. And then he started up again: "She's full of drugs. Druggie bitch." He snatched her cane out of her unresisting hand and grinned. The woman sitting across from him snapped at him to put it back, which he did - unrepentantly. I don't think I was the only one who was grateful when he got off the bus to wait for the next one, shortly before the paramedics arrived.

What the hell makes a person act like that? For the sake of getting the bus moving again, he was prepared to lie about someone who might have been dying. I swear, sometimes I just about lose my faith in humanity.

Comments

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Some people are just jerks.

[bunyip.livejournal.com]

With the dealings with the "business" customers at my job, and how often there would be customers with no problems on their account but a history of calling up and abusing the representative until they got a credit on their bill, there's very little left of my faith in humanity when they think there's money involved.

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

I speculate a lot about what makes us treat other people badly.

I think it must come down, at its base, to fear/anger. That is the only emotion strong enough to override so much acculturation to be civilized. At least I'd like to think so.

So here he is, he has his bus route timed out precisely so he arrives on time and his boss doesn't yell at him. Then this person totally unlike him, female, disabled, ill, threatens his order. He is so glad that he's not like her. That might be him, slumped in the seat. NO! That will never happen to him. See? He can even laugh at the prospect. He is healthy, he is fine. Nothing that scary and embarrassing will ever happen to him if he doesn't think about it. What caused her to be like that? Couldn't be bad luck -- bad luck could happen to him. Aha! Drugs! He doesn't do drugs. People like him don't do drugs. It's her fault that he will be late. But as long as he's waiting, he can distract himself from any thought that it could have been him, by playing a prank.

None of which excuses his behavior.

This was something I thought an extra-lot about after I had Baz. I had lost my veneer of civilization, and been rude and mean to people who were only trying to help me. What made me do that? Well, pain, and anger at losing control of my body, and fear that I would not be able to Do It.

[adrian-turtle.livejournal.com]

I hope the woman on the bus recovered from whatever made her collapse this morning.

Speculating on why one of the passengers responded so badly, Wired Ferret wrote:

>I think it must come down, at its base, to fear/anger. That is the >only emotion strong enough to override so much acculturation to be >civilized. At least I'd like to think so.

It would be nice to think everyone was strongly acculturated to be civilized, requiring a really strong motive to behave badly. But I don't believe it. Some people seem to be only faintly conditioned by the restraints I think of as civilized behavior, thinking of them in terms of profit or convenience or image.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

That's just horrible. On the other hand, the other people on the bus did show concern.

[edschweppe.livejournal.com]

I was about to start bloviating about how some people are so narcisstic as to be psychologically incapable of recognizing the individuality of others ... Then I remembered that, in the field of psychology, Rivka is infinitely more qualified than am I.

So I'll just echo wcg's comment that some people are jerks.

OTOH, I do kind of wish that a police officer had witnessed Mr. Jerk's swiping of the victim's cane. Whether or not theft charges would have stuck, I'll bet there was probable cause for arresting said nitwit - and perhaps the experience would have been educational.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

It might be wishful thinking ("I'd really like to believe no one is that much of a jerk without *something* being up"), but what you're describing is jarring enough that I wonder if there's literally something wrong with the guy. Taking her cane, and then not seeming to care when he's called on it? It just feels wrong, somehow.

Then again... I'm not sure it matters. The good news is that the situation was handled properly, and the woman got help, despite his interference.

Regardless of why he acted that way, it's a lousy thing to have happened, and I'm glad you were there to help protect the woman.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

That's my sense -- this guy is somehow broken, too. It's not that many of us aren't broken on some level, but some people's brokenness comes off as more callous or offensive.

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

1) I agree that some people are, indeed, just jerks.

2) Also, I think a lot of people carry around a lot of anger that (they feel) can't be discharged at appropriate targets. And like any system under pressure, it vents when it can, even highly detrimentally.

3) Also, I do think that unless we're really careful, we can let pressures and obligations make us less humane than we really are. There's a fascination experience reported in The Tipping Point. I won't detail the methodology (which was clever), but basically even ministers on their way to deliver a lecture on The Good Samaritan would fail to stop to help someone apparently in distress if they had been told they were late for the lecture!

As supergee and many of his friends say, everyone has value, even if only as a bad example. Your post is one more reminder for me to not be like that guy.

[ororo.livejournal.com]

To some people, others aren't "real" unless they have some use for them. Sounds to me like this guy didn't see a person, but an obstacle to be removed so he can continue on his merry solipist way.

Or, as my therapist is wont to say, "Maybe he's just an asshole."

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

What you said - I can't think of any grand, reasonable psychological angle. And I'm relieved that the rest of the bus acted like normal, concerned people.