(no subject)

[rivka]

I just made a much more personal post than usual to Respectful of Otters.

Now I'm freaking out, for reasons which make no sense. I've talked about this stuff on newsgroups and in LJ for years. What makes my blog feel so different?

Comments

I think it does make sense.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

The newsgroups and your lj had a certain safety factor to them...a culture that you could expect a certain behavior from. Your blog seems to reach a wider audience.

But I think it's going to be okay.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

That's a fine essay.

Respectful in general feels less personal than rivka does, and I can't tell you why. It's as if respectful is the public you.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

It's as if respectful is the public you.

That's exactly why I created a separate weblog.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

I, too, have talked about various personal things in newsgroups and other public online spaces, but I decided a while back that I didn't want to do that anymore. I've been in a similar position (http://www.livejournal.com/users/therealjae/107441.html), though, made the same decision, and felt similarly nervous. So I get your feelings on this one all too well.

Still, I'm very glad you wrote what you wrote, and I suspect a lot of other people will be, too. There's one kind of good blog post that's purely rigorous intellectual analysis of a situation, but there's another, arguably even better kind of good blog post that comes from having strong feelings about a situation and thinking about those feelings enough to come to an intellectual understanding of them. What makes posts like that so valuable is that they have the power to make people both think *and* feel, and that's a wonderful thing that's all too rare.

-J

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

that's a great piece.

ugh. no words here, but if an otter wanted a hug an otter could have one.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

This is me, holding my little paws up for a betsy hug.

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

It's a very scary, brave post, especially now that I've followed the links.

I don't know if the scary is situational, but it's certainly there.

It IS a great piece

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

and it is eminently respectful. It shows understanding of the feelings of those who have had to make the hard choice of abortion for many, many reasons. I honor you for your bravery in taking your clothes off in public that way, so to speak, sweet Rivka. Thank you for sharing.

I have a friend whose daughter has fragile X syndrome. I've been "listening" to her electronically for many years. You know, if the Prenatal Diagnosis Fairy had visited her and laid it on the line, both good and bad, I suspect she might have had an abortion. Little Abigail's suffering has so outweighed her joys that the scales would have been heavily weighted in that direction. But then, Abigail is profoundly retarded, and can never understand anything about her life. Kate becomes angry when she gets glurged at about parents of retarded children being "blessed" or "saints". I'm sure you understand that, and I'm glad you touched on it.

Thanks again.

[saoba.livejournal.com]

It does feel different. I hope it doesn't feel different-bad.

I am reminded of the cyclical discussions of 'why don't women blog?', which are absurd because women do blog. Often what the people asking WDWB really mean is why don't women blog the way certain big name guys do, with charts and footnotes and abstract discussions of the issues du jour?

Instead many women who blog are blogging from the sense that the personal is political. Holding a position based on graphs and statistics may work for some people. But before I can agree whole-heartedly that the minimum wage is fine where it is I want to look past the graphs at some actual people. Actual people aren't as tidy as numbers lined up in tables, but if we are going to make decisions as a society that impact people let's have the moral fortitude to look them in the face. (Pardon me, I seem to be on a soapbox. My apologies to the choir for this impromptu sermon.)

You took a big issue and you not only put a human face on it, you put your face on it. And you did it in a very public forum. It's not just good writing (which your blog is a bastion of, but I digress), it was courageous writing.

I respect the hell out of you, in the event I haven't said so recently.

[dandelion-diva.livejournal.com]

*nodnodnod* What she said, all the way around.

Gessi

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

The prenatal diagnosis fairy might also say "When she smiles, she'll be so beautiful that it makes your heart ache, until it grows strong enough to sustain the joy. She will care, passionately and well. She will be intelligent, and wise, and an inspiration to those who know her."

Re: the freakout, my guess is that blogs are meant to be read by strangers more, and you've exposed a vulernable side of yourself. Not necessarily a bad side, maybe not even one where you can be hurt, but one where, once you've said it, you have little control over the future. You've sent some powerful information out there, worked some powerful magic, and you're not sure what effect it's going to have.

Uncertainty is always a little more scary than even the worst case of certainty.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Re: the freakout, my guess is that blogs are meant to be read by strangers more, and you've exposed a vulernable side of yourself. Not necessarily a bad side, maybe not even one where you can be hurt, but one where, once you've said it, you have little control over the future. You've sent some powerful information out there, worked some powerful magic, and you're not sure what effect it's going to have.

That's exactly what it is, exactly what it feels like. Thank you. I feel like, "I don't know what people are going to do with this - and whatever they do, whether they praise it or ignore it or use it as a stick to beat abortion-seeking women with - they'll be doing it with a piece of my soul."

[mittelbar.livejournal.com]

Yeh...but that's what makes a good blog (or a good novel, or whatnot). You can talk theory and fury and humor all you want, and that's very engaging, but when you sell your soul, you gotta deliver. You want we should send the shakedown squad after you?

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that anyone who uses it ill, should you find out about it, is likely to be smacked silly, from so many directions, they won't know which way is up.

In case you'd not guessed, you have fans... serious fans, who care.

TK

(who is, with permission) going to be pointing to this, over in his LJ).

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks, Terry. Of course you can link.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

saoba and johnpalmer just said everything I could have said, and better. I'd only add that the piece is perhaps the most well-constructed examinations I've read of one of the most complex moral issues of our time. It made me think, and that's always good.

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

Because newgroups, and LJ are sort of private. In the first, while anyone can wander in, they don't.

In LJ, you can decide who gets to see it.

In a newsgroup, you are using personal experience as illumination, it isn't the focus of the conversation, and as a response, you can just hack it out... no need to dither over turn of phrase, no sense that this what will first greet the reader.

So it is different.

What's the adage, "Distress doesn't mean something is wrong. Distress means something is changing,"?

TK

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

It feels different because it's public. LJ is private; a blog is public.

I have spent years trying to find the right balance betwen my public and private life. It's not easy. And even worse, it's a constantly shifting balance.

I find it interesting that this comes so close on the heels of your mash note, which is another public/personal bridging. Are the two related?

B

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I find it interesting that this comes so close on the heels of your mash note, which is another public/personal bridging. Are the two related?

Only in that, after the mash note, I felt a little uncomfortable talking about my physical body in a place where strangers would see it. Although a part of me was also thinking hopefully, "Maybe Mash Note Guy will see this and find it a turnoff."

Really, once I read the Ehrenreich article - and even more so, once I read the NYT article she linked to - it was inevitable that I would write about it. And it's impossible for me to have a non-personal reaction to a topic this close to me.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Of course it makes sense that you would write about the topic. The question is what you would do with the essay once you wrote. You could have posted it on LJ; you could have posted it on ROO. You choose ROO.

B

[rivka.livejournal.com]

You may have noticed that I saved for LJ the admission that I was emotionally uncomfortable. I might've been vulnerable in public, but I was hardly going to admit that I was vulnerable in public.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I certainly did notice that. The public/private line moved; it didn't disappear.

This is why I am wondering about a connection between the e-mail you received and your post. Both are about the line moving. In the first, the line moved around you. In the second, you moved it.

B

[barbarakitten-t.livejournal.com]

damn, rivka...you always blow me away with your words.

i'm proud to know you.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

Other people have pretty much said what I would say, so I'll just mention that I found it an incredibly thought-provoking and moving piece. I was going to comment on it, but decided to wait a little until I was more coherent that I am today.

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth, I thought it was a well thought out and well spoken post about a very sensitive subject. I can understand why it might make you a bit self-concious to post it over at your blog, it's more "public" than LJ.

[rosefox]

I have plenty of ideological perspectives on this issue--some of them conflicting--but no personal ones. Thank you for being willing to make it more personal for your readers, and brava for doing it so well. It's a tremendously personal question and I think it's really important to escape from the inevitable ideology for a bit.