(no subject)

Back to the lactation clinic today. Sure enough, I broke down in tears at their first question. ("So, how are things going?") There was praise and hugs and reassurance.

By their scale, Alex has gained half an ounce since Tuesday - which is not enough. They suggested that I start using the nipple shield on both sides, because she seems to be nursing better with the shield, and that I pump and give her expressed breast milk after every feed. Hopefully the infusion of extra calories will perk her up and she'll nurse more vigorously. (She's often a sleepy, halfhearted nurser, although she does nurse many many times a day.)

I called my pediatrician and gave him the report, and was pleased to see that all of this negativity with the nurse practitioners doesn't mean I chose the wrong doctor. He was supportive ("Please don't think for a minute that this means anything about you") and fully willing to let the lactation clinic be my guides. I don't have to go back to the pediatric clinic for a weigh-in - I'll follow up at the lactation clinic on Saturday and then call him and give him the news. If she's still not gaining on two days of supplemented feeds, he'll want to see her himself on Sunday morning. That seems reasonable.

I spent much of today feeling extremely frazzled and desperate, but have been calming down this evening. It helped to have lots of support from curiousangel and wcg - who came over while Michael was at work and chauffeured me to the clinic and held my hand and cooked us dinner, and is generally a prince among men.

We'll make it through this.