(no subject)

[rivka]

Back to the lactation clinic today. Sure enough, I broke down in tears at their first question. ("So, how are things going?") There was praise and hugs and reassurance.

By their scale, Alex has gained half an ounce since Tuesday - which is not enough. They suggested that I start using the nipple shield on both sides, because she seems to be nursing better with the shield, and that I pump and give her expressed breast milk after every feed. Hopefully the infusion of extra calories will perk her up and she'll nurse more vigorously. (She's often a sleepy, halfhearted nurser, although she does nurse many many times a day.)

I called my pediatrician and gave him the report, and was pleased to see that all of this negativity with the nurse practitioners doesn't mean I chose the wrong doctor. He was supportive ("Please don't think for a minute that this means anything about you") and fully willing to let the lactation clinic be my guides. I don't have to go back to the pediatric clinic for a weigh-in - I'll follow up at the lactation clinic on Saturday and then call him and give him the news. If she's still not gaining on two days of supplemented feeds, he'll want to see her himself on Sunday morning. That seems reasonable.

I spent much of today feeling extremely frazzled and desperate, but have been calming down this evening. It helped to have lots of support from curiousangel and wcg - who came over while Michael was at work and chauffeured me to the clinic and held my hand and cooked us dinner, and is generally a prince among men.

We'll make it through this.

Comments

[eeyorerin]

I keep seeing the words nipple shield and thinking of you wearing some Valkyrie-type breastplate, even though I do know what one is. Which then leads to me picturing Alex wearing a little horned helmet and bonking her head against you.

Okay, I'm silly. I'm glad things are getting a little better, and I hope they continue to do so.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'm picturing the thing Janet Jackson got exposed at the Superbowl a year or so back.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Oh, you. How frustrating that all must be. I'm so sorry this has been so hard, but I'm glad you have people there (professional people and personal people) to look after things.

-J

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

Our thoughts are with you... even if they stray periodically to your amazing J-ness.

You'll make it through this. You're getting good help. I understand it's usually hard to figure out!

[dragon3.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you are feeling better and more confident that things will work out, because they certainly will.

I don't have any suggestions to offer, but Peggy notes that when Martha was a sleepy newborn and nursing half-heartedly, she held off until Martha was hungrier and that produced more vigorous nursing. Mind you, Martha was #2 and Peggy wasn't as engorged, so...

Hang in there and it will all work out well!

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

You will make it through this. You are smart and loving and surrounded by competent people. You and Alex will be fine.

[caille.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies, so that means I can make up all sorts of stuff!

My analysis: the Otterdotter's first weeks are being a little unpredictable only because she took her time about getting born. See, she's burning more calories now because she's finally got the room to move. If she'd have complied with the schedule, the calorie-burning and calorie-building would have been symmetrical from the start.

My prediction: our beloved little niece Alex will have this all sorted out within a few weeks. You are, of course, right to be terribly concerned. It's totally your job. But my guess is that when you look at this worry in the rear-view mirror, you're going to see evidence of some gratuitous white-knuckle parenting. (And when it comes to white-knuckle parenting, "gratuitous" is a good thing.)

Now you have heard from my corner of the Elderwoman Spinsterverse.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

We'll make it through this.

yes. i promise.

*hug*

[ratphooey.livejournal.com]

Good luck, and hang in there! Whatever happens, you'll both be fine.

The two hardest things about new motherhood for me were the sleep deprivation and the breast feeding angst.

[tammylc.livejournal.com]

We'll make it through this.

Yes, you will. With grace and beauty, knowing you.

Knowing this will probably change absolutely nothing about how you feel (certainly didn't for me), but post-partum hormones, lack of sleep and all the rest really do throw your emotions for a loop in the first days and weeks after birth. I remember thinking I was the worst mom in the world because we gave Liam ONE ounce of formula by syringe on our first night home from the hospital. He was hungry, and I couldn't get him to latch, and I was desperately trying to pump milk with a horrible crappy little electric pump and getting nothing. And the harder I tried to do all these things the more I felt like I was already failing as a mother. Giving him that tiny bit of formula let us all sleep, and the next morning we got a midwife visit and a nipple shield and a good pump, and things slowly started looking up.

A month later, when my hormones were back in order, I couldn't understand why I was so utterly distraught over that one ounce of formula, but at the time, it was the most important thing in the world. So when I read your posts, the intellectual me, the "knows most things there is to know about breastfeeding troubles" me, thinks - ah, fairly typical beginning hiccups, should work themselves out soon. But then I remember the post partum me, and I know just how much it all makes your heart ache and wish I could somehow make it all better for you.

Much love and hugs.

[spiritdancer]

Quietly following along here, and watching the comments, and a thought has occured to me (and it might be worthwhile to ask the lactation consultants).

You're big, and alex is having trouble due to your size, right? And they are having you pump _after_ she nurses, if I'm reading all this correctly?

How about trying to pump some _before_ she nurses, to reduce the size/tension a bit before she tries to latch on? It might help, but I can't think that it'd hurt :-)

(I'm watching and taking notes for future reference, as I'm at 12 weeks with my first *grin*)
Melissa

[caille.livejournal.com]

Yay, Melissa! You don't know how much I adore OPBs! (Other people's babies. I mean that only because my baby-making ship has, um, sailed.)

[lyrical1.livejournal.com]

I'm around town all weekend and next week if you guys need anything, please let me know. I'm a mean cook and good errand runner. I know we haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet, but we have lots of mutual friends that can vouch for me =)

I've been reading and sending hugs and vibes to all three of you.
Cris

[lcohen]

i'll vouch for her!!

and i'm sure i'm behind on what's up so i won't comment but just send lots of hugs and love.

[thbeatnik.livejournal.com]

Yep, you'll make it through this. Itlooks as if you have a pretty comptetant support staff to see that you will.

You'll make it through this, and through all the other childhood scares and mishaps.

You'll make it through the first time she tries to make a step and falls.

You'll make it through the times when she falls off her bike.

You'll make it through her first day of schoool, and through any number of times when other kids hurt her feelings.

You'll make it through her first date, through graduation day, and the day she moves out on her own.

She will shock you, scare you, and make you angry at times. She'll be responsible for more than a few gray hairs, but it will all be worthwhile.
You folks will be great parents, and Alex will be as fortunate to have you as you are to have her.

Take care!

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

Trying to get started nursing was the hardest thing I've ever done. Much, much crying. Mine and the baby's, as he was quite hungry.

Do you have a hospital grade pump? The heavy-duty one that you have to rent because it's too bloody expensive? Makes a big difference in pumping volume.

Are you undressing her to cool her off and scritching her scalp to perk her up with it's time to nurse?

Please call me anytime if you want to vent about how hard it is: (718) 486-5335.

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

No experience here, just warm thoughts for all of you. I know you will get through this with grace and style. You obviously have a fantastic support system and warmhearted advice-givers. You will be okay. Alex will thrive. All will be well.

[betanfrill.livejournal.com]

You'll be fine. She'll be fine.

If you're buying a hand-pump, get an Avant one. Not only do they work better with plus-size breasts, they have the best customer service I've ever had with anything. When the handle broke they rushed me two new ones before the next feed.

[richtermom.livejournal.com]

I'll second the Avant preference -- they're easy to clean, easy to use, and you can't hear them down the hall at work if that ever enters the equation.

I've read that some women who use nipple shields find success if they pump first, which elongates the nipples, and then offer the boob to the kid -- the latch gets easier after pumping for some.

I'm sending you lots of good wishes and good luck. I don't remember my first few weeks but I academically remember not getting showers regularly because the girl nor I wanted to have her away from me....

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I know it feels momentous but you're both learning how to nurse, and you'll both figure it out.

K.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Here's an offbeat breastfeeding article. See? Women can rise to all sorts of challenges.

Hang in there. It will get better.

Otterdotter. I love it.

[xopher-vh.livejournal.com]

All will be well. All will be well. All manner of things will be well.

(I know nothing about lactation, but I've seen my friends have all sorts of trouble with feeding their babies over the years, and all the children are now quite robust -- in a couple of cases, almost frighteningly so.)

Shouldn't it be Ottersdottir? :-)

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

Keep in mind that you are in the post-partum hormone storm, as well as sleep-deprived. Your emotions are going to be overboard. You are going to cry a lot. Frazzled and desperate are the normal emotions to feel right now -- even if everything's going right, even if the baby is nursing well and gaining the perfect amount of weight.

Keep taking good care of yourself. Get as much sleep as you can. You'll get through this, and so will Alex. You're a good Mommy.