Home.

We flew home to Baltimore this morning. It is good to be back in my own house, sitting at my desk in my quiet study rather than balancing a laptop on my knee in a chaotic hotel room. Our nanny came for her usual hours this afternoon even though Michael and I were both available. She did some cleaning and played with Colin, both of which were very helpful. We had left the house so abruptly that it was in greater chaos than usual - even dishes left undone. So there was a lot of work to come back to.

That's actually okay with me. I find that when I sit still with nothing to occupy me, sadness claws at my belly. Better to keep busy.

It feels as if we've been outside of time. None of our usual routines, responsibilities, and appointments. No work, no homeschooling, yet - for most of the long and horrible week - not very much to fill the hours with in replacement. All of what we spent the week in Memphis for could have been compacted into eight hours, and we were there for nearly a week. We did errands. We saw to the children. We killed time. We made small talk with people. We fended off grief or gave into it, depending on the competing demands of the moment. We waited.

Now we're re-entering normal life. I need to dredge up motivation from somewhere to pick my jobs and projects back up and feed them energy. I find myself simultaneously craving quiet solitude and wanting to avoid it.