Home.

[rivka]

We flew home to Baltimore this morning. It is good to be back in my own house, sitting at my desk in my quiet study rather than balancing a laptop on my knee in a chaotic hotel room. Our nanny came for her usual hours this afternoon even though Michael and I were both available. She did some cleaning and played with Colin, both of which were very helpful. We had left the house so abruptly that it was in greater chaos than usual - even dishes left undone. So there was a lot of work to come back to.

That's actually okay with me. I find that when I sit still with nothing to occupy me, sadness claws at my belly. Better to keep busy.

It feels as if we've been outside of time. None of our usual routines, responsibilities, and appointments. No work, no homeschooling, yet - for most of the long and horrible week - not very much to fill the hours with in replacement. All of what we spent the week in Memphis for could have been compacted into eight hours, and we were there for nearly a week. We did errands. We saw to the children. We killed time. We made small talk with people. We fended off grief or gave into it, depending on the competing demands of the moment. We waited.

Now we're re-entering normal life. I need to dredge up motivation from somewhere to pick my jobs and projects back up and feed them energy. I find myself simultaneously craving quiet solitude and wanting to avoid it.

Comments

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

I am glad you are home and back to your normal life. You're all in my thoughts.

[mme-hardy.livejournal.com]

Welcome home. I hope that your grief becomes more bearable, and that everyday life is rewarding.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're home. I've been thinking of you a lot this week.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

I found that to be really normal when I was dealing with my mom's death. I could go from wanting to GET UP AND DO THINGS to wanting to sit and not-cry. It was a very strange time, especially because I had a kind of sense of "oh, this is normal for someone in this situation".

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Yes, there is a lot of "waiting for the next thing" that happens. And the hours of waiting are all too fraught.

It's good that you're back home. I hope you all can find your way back into your daily routines pretty quickly. Know that my thoughts are with you.

[lynsaurus.livejournal.com]

Hug.

[redbird]

Welcome home. Be gentle with yourself.

[gerisullivan.livejournal.com]

Welcome home.

Grief is such an individual process, yet I recognize and remember so much in your words, your experience.

Here's to comfort, healing, shared tolerance, time, and, most of all, love, love, love.

[puzzlement.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're back at your home, my thoughts are with you for the continued grieving, and living with grief.

[acceberskoorb.livejournal.com]

Hug, hug and more hug. Getting back into a routine is a different kind difficult. <3

[ailbhe]

I am thinking of you all at this difficult time.

[ratphooey.livejournal.com]

Re-entry is so difficult. I hope it's going well for you all.

[mme-hardy.livejournal.com]

Just to say that I've been thinking of you all with love.