Opening up a can of worms
Nov. 12th, 2001 11:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaOver the last month or so, I've been trying to ignore my growing awareness that there are some Things To Be Resolved regarding my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. If nothing else, the way I felt when someone called me to her attention alone shows that the passage of time hasn't stilled all of my strong feelings... but there were other things as well. An alt.poly thread (at this point, and in an open journal entry, I can't say which one). Going back to Portland, and re-connecting with the friends and places I shared with her.
Some of this stuff has never been said, not even to Misha. A lot of it is bound up in the belief that I owe it to her to keep secrets about the bad things she did to me. But I'm becoming more and more certain that I have to talk about those secrets, or she'll always have power over me.
I want to talk about them here. I need to be able to organize my thoughts and analyze them in bits and pieces; that means either text, or therapy. Text is cheaper. *half-grin* I've never made any private LJ posts before, but for obvious reasons I'm going to be limiting access to any posts involving this kind of excavation work.
It has occurred to me that not everyone on my friends list will want (or have the energy) to read something that has such high-stress content. What I'd like to do is set up a specific friends-list subgroup for this. People who don't want to be privy to past-relationship excavation work can continue to read my ordinary posts, without being troubled by overly private/traumatic information.
Let me know whether or not you would like to be included on the subgroup list. I'm not going to draw any Deep Meaning from your choice. If you're reading my journal without a LiveJournal account, and want to have subgroup access, I have some account codes I could give out.
Gosh, this is going to be fun.
Some of this stuff has never been said, not even to Misha. A lot of it is bound up in the belief that I owe it to her to keep secrets about the bad things she did to me. But I'm becoming more and more certain that I have to talk about those secrets, or she'll always have power over me.
I want to talk about them here. I need to be able to organize my thoughts and analyze them in bits and pieces; that means either text, or therapy. Text is cheaper. *half-grin* I've never made any private LJ posts before, but for obvious reasons I'm going to be limiting access to any posts involving this kind of excavation work.
It has occurred to me that not everyone on my friends list will want (or have the energy) to read something that has such high-stress content. What I'd like to do is set up a specific friends-list subgroup for this. People who don't want to be privy to past-relationship excavation work can continue to read my ordinary posts, without being troubled by overly private/traumatic information.
Let me know whether or not you would like to be included on the subgroup list. I'm not going to draw any Deep Meaning from your choice. If you're reading my journal without a LiveJournal account, and want to have subgroup access, I have some account codes I could give out.
Gosh, this is going to be fun.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 03:16 am (UTC)i'm not going to take you back through this by commenting on everything...at least i don't think i am. but this--i just gave someone some heartfelt advice today based on this feeling. i'll never isolate myself like this again. if i think someone is in danger of isolating themself--boy am i going to speak up.
no one knew. everyone was astonished when michele and i split up and more astonished later to hear of all the problems. i never talked to anyone about what was going on. i wanted them to like her, you see, and i figured if they knew what was going on, they'd hate her. how fucked up was that?
the most freeing thing ever was when i finally started to tell people what i had been through--when i finally named the names. but i bet you know that.
*hugs you tight*