How to freak the hell out of Rivka:

[rivka]

Doctor Sis: So, how many weeks are you?
rivka: Twenty-three.
Doctor Sis: Wow, you're right at the threshold of viability!
rivka: [stares, blinks, rapidly changes the subject]

But of course, then I had to go and look it up. We indeed appear to be right on the cusp of viability. A 1993 study found that, at Johns Hopkins, no babies born at 22 weeks survived, 15% born at 23 weeks survived, 56% at 24 weeks, and 79% at 25 weeks. So the three weeks of gestation we're working on right now literally mark the line between death and life.

Fetal development is a strange and awesome thing.

I was already talking to my sister about death and life when she mentioned viability. I had called to ask her whether she would be willing to be named as the Li'l Critter's guardian in case Michael and I should simultaneously die in a fiery cataclysm. There's another strange thing to think about. It seems morbid to even bring it up, and yet it's also our duty to make these arrangements. We have chosen to create a tiny, fragile, helpless living thing. Our responsibility to her will not end with our deaths.

So we're looking into acquiring vastly more life insurance, and we're planning to meet with a lawyer sometime this month, to draw up our wills. This conversation with my sister was the first step.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Big decisions, and necessary. And you're more than ready.

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Melodrama in the mind.

I remember the first time I drew up a will, and I recall the most recent (before I shipped out to Iraq) and the letter I left with someone when we headed north.

And that with nothing more than a dog, and some snakes, to worry about in the dependent survivor category.

Congrats, and lets hope you don't have to test the viability.

TK

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

I have two co-workers who had preemies - one at 26 weeks (which did not survive), and one at 29 weeks (she is now 3 1/2 years old and darned cute). So I've been kinda trying to avoid thinking about the viability issues, the possibility of premature labor/birth, etc. - whenever I think "oh, this is how many weeks ______ was when her baby was born...", I force myself to change my mental line of thought. I don't need to go there.

Right now I'm freaked that I'm edging into the third trimester. As in the last trimester, final three months.... I mean, I know this all intellectually, but it's kind of scary that it's here already.

As for wills, well, thank the gods I'm married to an estate planning lawyer (well, he was once upon a time) who knows this stuff. He'll draw something up for us. And we've had the guardian-after-a-fiery-crash discussion too. Yikes.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

As for wills, well, thank the gods I'm married to an estate planning lawyer (well, he was once upon a time) who knows this stuff. He'll draw something up for us.

Wow, that's wonderful. How exceptionally clever of galagan to manage to have that background. The whole area is kind of a mystery to me, but we've recently had an estate lawyer join our church, and we've heard wonderful things about her. Hopefully we'll be able to put ourselves in her hands.

Would Alissa be your fiery-crash person?

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

How exceptionally clever of galagan to manage to have that background.

I occasionally claim I married him so I'd have my own personal tax attorney / estate planner / financial planner.

Would Alissa be your fiery-crash person?

Actually, we're leaning toward galagan's brother at the moment - he's older and married, has one child already, could handle it financially, and all that. My sister would be fabulous, but she's not at a place right now in her life where that would necessarily work well for her - she doesn't know what's she's doing with her life longterm, she is probably going back to graduate school, etc. etc.

[jmhm.livejournal.com]

HM is going to my cousin, who I'm not really all that close to, but she's close to her kids and she'd be a great mom for HM to have.

Another cousin, btw, had two who weighed less than a pound, as did my SIL, and all are thriving nicely.

On the other hand, you can't expect your young sprog to give up having his/her own private pool all that easily

signed,

the mother of rocket baby, the 43.5 week wunderkind

[rivka.livejournal.com]

43.5! Good heavens. I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that, because the idea of still being pregnant at the end of April is just...

I'm actually not particularly worried about having a premature baby. Instead, I have chosen to have obsessive worries about fetal death. Oh, and dropping the baby.

[jmhm.livejournal.com]

Oh dear.

I know it's no use telling someone not to obsessively worry, so I'll just tell you to keep these months in mind so when the little dear isn't letting you sleep for weeks at a time, you can cast back your mind and remember how much work it was for you to grow a pound of baby and make allowances.

[elisem.livejournal.com]

This may be kind of dorky of me to say, but it all reminds me of when --

Hmm. Does one put fic spoilers in comments?

Let's just say that it reminds me strongly of the ending of the most recent book by that friend of mine who is now a mutual friend of ours. All about how the world changes, with this parently thing, and I am incoherent about it now, but sending lots of love. To all three of you.

[tikva.livejournal.com]

On behalf of the L'il Critter, I have to say: thank you thank you thank you for getting all that stuff in order.

Recent events in my life have made me really appreciate that kind of thing. It looks like I'm going to have to put all of my dad's stuff in order, because no one else can/is willing to. This stuff is hard for you to think about now, but believe me when I tell you that you are doing your child a world of good. Thank you.

P.S. I know I owe your spouselet an e-mail. I am a goober, and my head has been eaten by a grue lately, but I haven't forgotten about him, I promise. :)

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

Yup. It's another of those "I'm a grown-up" moments. Both of us are insured to the hilt, and we know where the kids would go.

When I turned 18, my parents told me that if they died in said Fiery Cataclysm, I would be responsible for my younger siblings. It's not that I want them to die, ever, but I prayed especially hard until the youngest reached his majority.

Now we have had a discussion and allocated who is responsible for which part of estate-stuff. My yuppie sister deals with the money, I deal with the stuff, and li'l brother probably gets to allocate the legacies.

[ailbhe]

We made a will primarily to make sure that particular members of my family didn't get guardianship. We're *not* insured up to the hilt - cost of house only - as if there was real money involved, pmomf would be more interested than is healthy.

But the house is safe.

A few more years of alienation and we'll be able to improve our insurance, too.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I am regularly amazed by how rude people can be to preganant women. Any strangers grab your belly yet?

And those stats are way out of date. Medical science makes huge strides all the time, and babies that were not viable a few years ago are alive and okay today.

B

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I didn't think my sister was rude, I just wasn't ready to contemplate the possibility that my baby might be born now. I haven't been really worried that she might be, so it was a startling thought.

The stats probably are out of date - when I Googled for viability information, I found a letter from NICU docs at Baylor saying that they had a 50% survival rate for 23-weekers. What really fascinated me was not the absolute numbers, but how steep the slope is. Obviously something dramatic is happening right now. (It looks like a combination of weight gain and the beginnings of surfactant production, which will make her lungs usable.)

No strangers have touched my belly, but acquaintances have. WHY do people do that, for heaven's sake? (Friends who ask if they can touch my belly are a very different story, obviously.)

[jmhm.livejournal.com]

It's an early form of the wanting to pick up the baby impulse.

Wrapping your arms around your belly to look warmly maternal and proud and enclosed works wonders.

You can sort of understand the impulse - let's face it, it's pretty damn cool - but it does sort of impart that "I am the package a baby comes in" feeling, which can be very disconcerting.

I didn't have too much trouble with it, but then I'm twice everyone else's size, which seems to make a difference.