Un-FUCKING-believable.

[rivka]

My mastitis, which was resistant to the first antibiotic I tried, is apparently also resistant to the second antibiotic. I woke up this morning with an immensely painful and redder breast, and by noon I had developed a fever and a general whole-body malaise.

Now I'm on a third antibiotic. They've got to be fucking kidding me with this.

I can't believe how sick I feel.

Back to the lactation clinic today. Alex has gained another three ounces. She continues to have real problems with a weak suck. The lactation consultant and I agreed that it is time to make bottle feeding more difficult for her, or she may never be motivated enough to get all the calories she needs from the breast. So we're switching her from bottles to a Haberman feeder. Apparently the Haberman is more similar to a breast in terms of how the baby needs to suck. It's got three levels gradated suction - you can turn the bottle to make it easier or harder to get the milk out. As we encourage Alex to work harder at the Haberman, she'll develop the muscles she needs to suck properly from the breast. So goes the theory, anyway.

Just from her first couple of feedings with the Haberman, it seems to me that Alex's behavior is much more like it is when she's breastfeeding - taking a few sucks and then stopping, and seeming to get worn out partway through. She got most of the feeding down through the intermediate level, although I did have to keep giving her little tastes of the easy level to motivate her to keep working. I didn't put her at the hardest level at all. We'll work up to it.

Yesterday and today she had two painful reflux episodes per day. So it's not entirely better, but it is improving.

On the phone this evening, my father - who was a pediatrician for 35 years - told me that he didn't remember any mother in his practice ever working harder or having a rougher time than me. That made me cry.

Comments

[redbird]

Oh, Rivka.

*hugs*

You can do this: you will have a healthy baby, and you will get past the mastitis.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Oh, Rivka. I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. I wish there was something I could do. I am praying for you and Alex and Michael.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Even knowing some of what you're going through, it's difficult to know what to say. Just know, see, feel that there are a whole lot of people out here listening, sympathizing, empathizing, pulling for you and Alex and thinking you're one terrific mother, and one terrific person.

[eeyorerin]

Gracious. It's good that she's gaining weight and that the reflux episodes are decreasing, but poor you, continuing to still be sick! I hope the third antibiotic does the trick.

I hope things get easier soon.

[faxpaladin.livejournal.com]

Deepest GoodThoughts continuing...

[ckd]

I'm still thinking good thoughts your way. I wish there were more I could offer.

[windsea.livejournal.com]

Rivka, dear, I'm so sorry. What a nightmare, and I shared so much of it with Colin and Kate, so I know utterly what you're going through. It's beyond horrid, there's something about these issues that shatters your very soul and your self-image and your essence.

But you *are* working as hard as any human could, and your father is absolutely right. The gods have chosen to throw you really, really crappy dice, and instead of rolling over and taking it, you're throwing it right back, and doing your damndest for you and yours.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

Ouch. *hugs* I hope the third time is the charm.

[saoba.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetie, I have to agree with your dad. You are really getting the full tour of New Mommy Hell, aren't you?

I'm relieved that Miss Alex continues to gain, and the lactation folks are being so terrific at supporting your determination to breat feed. You deserve an award or a cookie or a hug... heck, take all three!

I am filled with admiration for you all over again. Which does sweet fuck all to actually help, but it's there anyway.

[adrasteah.livejournal.com]

I saw this post on /friendsfriends so I hope you don't mind my commenting.

I had mastitis a year and a bit ago and it took 2 courses of the 3rd type of antibiotic to get rid of it. And I wasn't even breastfeeding. It's really horrible and you have my condolences, I hope the 3rd time works for you too.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

You're having a brutal, brutal new-mother period, and I admire the patience with which you're facing it. I would be whining as if I wanted to make the next Olympics.

[lisajulie.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear lady, much and manifold sympathy sent to you!

You are a trooper to soldier on through all of this.

*careful hugs*

If there's something that I can do from Laurel (and, alas, full-time employment), please let me know. Actuallly, strike that full-time employment caveat. My manager gave birth at the beginning of February, and she'd let me come north to help you in a heartbeat.

So, if acquiring food or cooking food or coming and gathering up trash to put out for the trash man or recycle or whatever... I'm at your service.

*more careful hugs*

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

oh, sweetie. *careful hug*

if you thought it would be helpful, i would come east and glare at your chest until the bacteria got frightened and went away.

[tammylc.livejournal.com]

It would be hard enough dealing with reflux and slow weight gain and all the rest if you were healthy. With the mastitis - well, let's just say you totally rock.

Hugs.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

So VERY unfair that you're still sick. I grrrr at the world on your behalf.

-J

[jmhm.livejournal.com]

I'll bet he meant it as a compliment.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I know that he did. My parents have been hugely supportive - as much as they can, from a couple hundred miles away.

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

How did they treat mastitis before antibiotics. It is pretty common isn't it?

Anyway, you have my sympathy and admiration! You're doing just fine. Hang in there.

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

Same was as everything else -- you got better or you died.

You're doing great, Rivka.

[purplepaisley.livejournal.com]

Hot compresses, massage, nurse as often and for as long as possible, with a borrowed baby if necessary. I'm guessing, but that's probably it, with variations as appropriate for the technology of the time - leeches, anyone? Oh, and loosen your stays.

And the get-better-or-die bit, of course. In the case of mastitis, probably get-better-or-WISH-you-could-die. Mastitis is No Fun.

before antibiotics

[(Anonymous)]

Before antibiotics, women with persistent mastitis ended up with breast abcesses that had to be surgically drained, all the while continuing to feed. My grandmother, born 1902, had one in the late 1920s that she still shuddered to remember nearly 70 years later.

It's a horrible horrible sickness, and fever, and Rivka, you are doing so well to remain compos mentis enough to think about Alex and post as well. You'll be fine, it will pass, and Alex is a lucky girl.

And the silver lining is that some things that throw mothers of toddlers for a loop if they've had an easy time up until then, will seem simple and ordinary to you after getting through this.

Be well, and heal

Emma

Re: before antibiotics

[purplepaisley.livejournal.com]

Before antibiotics, women with persistent mastitis ended up with breast abcesses that had to be surgically drained, all the while continuing to feed.

Ah yes, I neglected that one. Lancing abcesses is probably a technology that's been around for a very, very long time. You don't have to go very far back in books on breastfeeding to find the possibility of abcess mentioned. Abcesses were more common in the days when women were instructed not to feed with the affected breast, though, which was the standard advice throughout much of the 20th century.

Much as they're subject to abuse, I'm *very* grateful for the existence of antibiotics.

[oursin.livejournal.com]

As I recall, from reading about the extremely gruesome death of Mary Wollstonecraft from 'childbed fever', they brought in puppies (because possibly no other babies available).

[purplepaisley.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's fascinating. Stories of cross-species nursing crop up from time to time, and it's always such an interesting reminder of the fact that we're all animals when you get down to it.

More *hug*

[ailbhe]

Oh, man, you are having such a rough time. I wish I could give you my baby to leech the mastitis out of you; she's had a lot more practice than Alex.

A couple of friends of mine used SNS - basically tubes taped to the boobs with a slow drip of milk that speeds up as baby sucks more - to firm up the food/breast association. But I have no idea what stage of learning to feed this was at.

I hope this lot of antibiotics kicks it. I really do.

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

Oh...! So much sympathy.

[thbeatnik.livejournal.com]

Im hoping this third antibiotic works, and works quickly.

It sounds like Alex is starting to grow like a weed. Has her reflux cleared up, other than the nursing difficulty?

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetheart...

[rivka.livejournal.com]

any chance you might be able to come by and help out for a few hours tomorrow?

[wcg.livejournal.com]

I work here in Columbia until 4 and then have to go give my students their final exam. I could swing by after the test, or perhaps later in the week? Tuesday I have to be here at work for the Configuration Control Board meeting at 2:00 pm, but I could come by for a while in the morning.

[elisem.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. What a dreadful thing to have to deal with. (I am firmly of the opinion that you ought to be able to tell dreadful things that you already gave at the office, so to speak, but they don't seem to listen much.) There are ongoing wishes of goodness and swift recovery and boundless good health for you and your daughter, from here and from many other places as well. (All my dear ones say hi, too.)

[jinian.livejournal.com]

Oh, how awful. Are you getting shots of these antibiotics, at least, since I'm always told that'll speed recovery, or is that bad for some reason?

[dragon3.livejournal.com]

You're doing a great job, even if the world is thowing some nasty obstacles at you. Take a look back and notice how much you have accomplished in this pregnancy and in general. Good for you!

Some of the reason your dad can't remember anyone working harder through a rougher time is because most would have quit. I know that breatfeeding is the best way to go and I hope it all comes together and works. I also know that sometimes it just doesn't work despite all the best intentions and effort and that not all of those babies grow up to be axe murderers. My number one son hasn't chopped anybody up yet -- although he could...

Keep Alex fed and healthy. Keep yourself fed and healthy. Do what you can towards what's *best* within the limits of maintaining your own health and sanity.

[richtermom.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. I wish there were some way I could help. I'll send positive vibes and prayers.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness.

*big fierce hugs*