rivka: (family)
[personal profile] rivka
Alex gained nine ounces in four days. It's more and more clear that it wasn't a matter of her simply being a small baby by nature, or the growth charts being inappropriate for breastfed babies - she really just wasn't getting enough to eat. She's gained a pound in eleven days since switching to bottle feeding.

Coming off the special feeder on Friday, she hit an enormous eating jag. My parents were here this weekend, fortunately, because I'm not sure I would've had the courage to massively increase her feeding amounts without Mom's supervision. Dr. Sears says that bottle-fed babies should get two to two-and-a-half ounces of formula per pound per day. Alex is currently taking in much, much more than that - more than half again as much. But she wants it, so I'm not arguing.

I think she's going to be so much easier and so much less fussy, now that she's finally getting enough to eat.

I had a weird interaction with my father. He's a retired pediatrician, and he's been making dubious noises about Alex's reflux ever since it was diagnosed. He started right in on it again during their visit. When he was in practice, "reflux was a diagnosis reserved for only a small group of very sick babies who needed extensive treatment, and now it's handed out all over the place."

"Our pediatrician is pretty sure she has reflux, Dad."

"Well, your pediatrician is, in some ways, going along with fashion..."

"And the Zantac has helped a lot - it's like night and day."

"You know, on some level, all babies have reflux, in the sense that they have immature digestive systems. I'm not convinced that, as an illness, it's widespread."

We went on like that for a while. Finally I said to my mother, "The reflux - which Dad doesn't believe in-"

He interrupted me with some force. "I don't like to think of my grandchild as being sick, okay?"

I was stunned. "Is that it? Is that why you've been arguing so much about the diagnosis?

Yes. That was it. That was the only reason. I commented that I felt much better knowing why he was arguing with me, and he was surprised. He had no idea that his questioning my observations and my pediatrician's judgment would be stressful for me. My father is inexplicable.

Overall we had a lovely weekend. We played with the baby and took her for walks and matched her up against my mother's developmental screening datasheets from her job. I am pleased to say that, at six weeks, Alex has mastered all the one month milestones and several of the two month ones. Even though she was starving.

Date: 2005-05-22 07:15 pm (UTC)
ext_2918: (Default)
From: [identity profile] therealjae.livejournal.com
Well, it's a good thing your dad had enough self-awareness to tell you why he was arguing, because that sounds like it could have gone on for months and months otherwise. Funny dad.

Good for Alex and the eating! Yay!

-J

Reflux

Date: 2005-05-22 07:19 pm (UTC)
ailbhe: (Default)
From: [personal profile] ailbhe
It's a diagnosis that scares the pants off me, because my nephew, aged three, is still partially tube-fed. There are degrees of reflux. It's something that runs in my family - my mother now believes it's the reason she and her mother had such a lousy relationship; my mother was "a cranky baby" and my grandmother couldn't handle that. My nephew wasn't a cranky baby, he just almost died.

I'm not surprised Alex has mastered her milestones early - her new-baby photos were *very* unusually alert. The only other baby I've seen that I thought looked that alert was my own, and there's bound to be some maternal bias at work there.

I'm glad it's getting better. For everyone's sake.

Date: 2005-05-22 07:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] casperflea.livejournal.com
The fact that Alex is eating a lot right now does not mean you were starving her before, which it sounds like you are accusing yourself of doing. Six weeks is a classic time for a growth spurt - my daughter nursed every hour for days on end. Yes, Alex wasn't getting enough food from breastmilk alone - but You Were Not Starving Her. Haven't you been bottle-supplementing for several weeks now? Not Starving.

Parents are inexplicable. Though I have found they become slightly more explicable once they become grandparents.

Date: 2005-05-22 07:35 pm (UTC)
firecat: damiel from wings of desire tasting blood on his fingers. text "i has a flavor!" (Default)
From: [personal profile] firecat
There are a lot of conditions that are treated at much less severe levels than they were in the past. In many cases this is a good thing.

Date: 2005-05-22 07:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] minnehaha.livejournal.com
What good news after your earlier stressed reports. I am so glad!

Maybe your dad was so forceful because after having been through major medical stuff with you, he doesn't want to go through that again with your daughter. I'm sure it's obviously Not The Same, but maybe emotionally, it sort of is for him.

K.

Reflux

Date: 2005-05-22 08:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tammylc.livejournal.com
I used to wonder if all of these reflux diagnoses were just "disease du jour" as well - a label to put on what babies have always been like.

But recently I read a really fascinating article in Scientific American that talks about the increase in reflux disease in both adults and children, and links it back to the decrease in the H. Pylori bacteria. H. Pylori is best known for causing ulcers, but apparently the way it acts in the gut actually provides protection against the over production of acid which can lead to reflux. Increased hygiene has lowered the transmission of H. Pylori from person to person, so while ulcers are declining, reflux is on the rise. They're investigating therapies to innoculate people with the more benign strands of H. Pylori.

Maybe your father should hunt down some journal articles.

Six weeks is classic growth spurt time, so it makes sense that Alex is eating a lot. Glad to hear she's doing well and that the Zantac is helping!

Re: Reflux

Date: 2005-05-23 06:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sashajwolf.livejournal.com
That's really interesting about H. pylori. Thanks!

Date: 2005-05-22 08:58 pm (UTC)
eeyorerin: (Default)
From: [personal profile] eeyorerin
Go Team Alex!

How are you doing, other than boggled at your dad?

Date: 2005-05-22 09:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elisem.livejournal.com
Yay for progress and good news!

Date: 2005-05-22 10:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] juliansinger.livejournal.com
That is, in a weird sort of way, an incredibly great conversation to have with your dad.

You got to what was actually going on with him, he and you dealt with it, and he (eventually...) stopped denying your damn reality.

So. Go y'all. And go Alex! It's not your birthday, it's your growthday!

Date: 2005-05-23 08:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baratron.livejournal.com
Yeah. I agree with all of this :)

Date: 2005-05-22 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] minnehaha.livejournal.com
It's great to hear this good news. Congratulations on finding a solution that's working.

B

Date: 2005-05-23 12:21 am (UTC)
boxofdelights: (Default)
From: [personal profile] boxofdelights
Yay, Alex!

I can really sympathize with your dad (even as I scold him for making you cope with his neurotic wibbling.) Denial is a normal part of grief, right? Especially since "reflux" meant "very sick baby" when he was practicing.

It's true that reflux is getting diagnosed more now that we have a better drug to treat it. Pediatricians still take care to distinguish between a health problem and a laundry problem.

Date: 2005-05-23 12:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lisajulie.livejournal.com
Sing "hey"! for for the wonderfulness that is both you and Alex! Cue "basso continuo" that you are her mother and are giving her what she needs in the best and most wonderful way. Keep that basso continuo going, even if some rag-mannered person might suggest otherwise.

We love and support you. And if some ill-mannered person should happen to suggest that you might be doing something inappropriate? We'll annihilate them! Nuclear option to the forefront!

Date: 2005-05-23 01:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ratphooey.livejournal.com
Alex is currently taking in much, much more than that - more than half again as much. But she wants it, so I'm not arguing.

Exactly right. The girl's got some catching up to do, after all. She'll let you know when she's hungry, and she'll let you know when she's full, too. Babies are handy that way.

Date: 2005-05-23 02:40 am (UTC)
pameladean: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pameladean
I am so glad to see the good news.

P.

Date: 2005-05-23 02:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jmhm.livejournal.com
He may have felt that the diagnosis would be upsetting for you and that he was being supportive by telling you it was a grey area.

Date: 2005-05-23 08:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] micheinnz.livejournal.com
Oh, hooray on all counts! (And especially go you and your dad for working out what the _real_ problem was and sorting it.)

helpful

Date: 2005-05-23 01:13 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I mean this very supportively.

I think, it makes sense to do some more thinking about reflux. I would base this upon (a)Alex's original feeding difficulties and (b)the recent feeding changes that have resulted in less fussiness and an increase in consumption and weight.

New babies are notoriously hard to read, and a reflux cry and a still-a-bit hungry baby cry would be difficult for even an expert to sort out at the beginning. You are a great mother, and feeling the confidence to consider reasonable observations and advice that may differ from your own is part of being a great mother. Mothers are not bad mothers if they need to regroup or change their original hypotheses. Mothers actually have to do this all the time, just like you did when you stopped breastfeeding. It does not reflect poorly on you or your judgement at all. I am sure your father meant well. You are an intelligent and responsive mother.

Re: helpful

Date: 2005-05-23 04:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rivka.livejournal.com
That's actually something I've wondered about too, and I'm going to bring it up with the pediatrician at her two-month visit.

Re: helpful

Date: 2005-05-24 07:00 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Perhaps just sharing the fact that you are "wondering" with your father will further ease the communication problem. He may not think you have considered this point, because you were feeling that you had to defend the original diagnosis in that particular conversation with him. Given his profession, and the feeding issues, he may be expressing doubts about the reflux for the very same reasons you are, and just going about it rather indirectly. It would be amazing for the two of you to discover that you are actually on the very same page!

Date: 2005-05-23 02:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalmn.livejournal.com
when do we get fat baby pictures? pictures pictures!

Date: 2005-05-23 04:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rivka.livejournal.com
Here you go! (http://www.flickr.com/photos/49268373@N00/sets/342565/)

Date: 2005-05-23 10:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beaq.livejournal.com
She *is* a brave li'l bapoo!

Date: 2005-05-24 01:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pegkerr.livejournal.com
It's amazing, the changes you can have in your relationship with your own parents when you have a child of your own.

BTW, I have recommended these two books already, haven't I? If not, take note: these two were the most helpful to me in making my transition to being a parent:

When Partners Become Parents: The Big Life Change for Couples by Carolyn Cowan and Philip Cowan and The Transition to Parenthood by Jay Belsky and John Kelly. Both were very helpful in helping me understand why my relationship with my parents and husband changed because of the baby. Lots of insight, v. encouraging. Also good at helping me ward of potential problems.

Date: 2005-05-24 01:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pegkerr.livejournal.com
"ward off potential problems."

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rivka

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