(no subject)

[rivka]

I finally stopped ignoring the fact that someday I will return to work, and posted an ad for a babysitter on Craigslist. In the 24 hours the ad has been up, we've gotten six responses. Two of them are from my imagined target market - students looking for a part-time job compatible with classes. (One of them will be attending the Maryland Institute College of Art, right up the street from us, which would certainly be convenient.) Two of them are from people who seem to be looking for summer employment only. One just finished her doctoral fellowship in psychology, for God's sake, and why she's interested in a babysitting job is beyond me. And the last is a Chinese university professor whose husband works at Hopkins. Why she's interested in a babysitting job is a little more explicable, but it still seems like a bit of a mismatch.

I plan to set up interviews for next week. I don't have a very clear idea of what I ought to ask, though, so I am turning to my handy friends' list for help. How would you hire a babysitter?

Questions I've thought of so far:

- What's your past experience with infants? What were the infants you took care of like, and what things did you like and dislike about caring for them? (Partly I'm curious about whether they'll seem to be good observers of infants, able to speak about their temperament and so forth.)

- What do you think are the most important things that a baby Alex's age needs?

- What would your approach be to a crying baby? Are there times you think a baby should be left to "cry it out"?

- What do you do when you get frustrated with a child?

- Have you taken infant CPR? First aid? Developmental psychology or child development courses?

- What's your schedule like for the summer? For the fall? If we hire you, how long a time period can you commit to? Are there any times you won't be available - for example, university breaks?

What else should I ask? What should I be looking for?

Comments

[tammylc.livejournal.com]

Since Alex seems to so like being slung, you might ask about experience with or willingness to wear the baby.

I think your basic question list is good. I think so much of picking a child care provider is based on gut level instinct - do you feel comfortable with this person? How does she approach and interact with Alex? How does Alex respond?

The director of the daycare Liam goes to is an incredible flake. She's totally ADD and more than a little annoying at times. But she "gets" one-to-two year olds like nobody else!

Every morning when we get to daycare, I put Liam on the floor and he runs over to her to get picked up. But that's okay, because every evening when I come to get him, he runs over to me to get picked up. I'm happy that he's got so many people who love him.

[melebeth]

Make sure you specify what ages they've taken care of, beyond infants. People have varying definitions, and may not have experience with very young moppets.

[chiefted]

Actually will ask this question first.

Can I throw this post captivatinglove's way?

She has been a Nanny for the last 20 years. Most of the kids she has taken care of
for the last 15 have been since birth to about 6 months old and has taken care of them
till they have been at least 2.

She has done alot of baby/night nurse stuff, and she has taken care of preemies (not that Alex is just part of her resume)

She may have many more questions that you should/could be asking.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Sure, that would be great. Actually, any advice she could give us on how to be good childcare employers would be very welcome. I'm not saying I have any fears of starring in the sequel to The Nanny Diaries, but I'm sure we could inadvertently make mistakes.

[chiefted]

Ok sent her the link to your post.

She was taking care of one of her charges today (the other one was over playing and her mom tagged along).

She will probably drop you a response either here or through you @livejournal.com e-mail

[saoba.livejournal.com]

Does he/she drive or have other reliable transport in the event of an emergency? How would you and the sitter handle sick days, be they Alex's, yours or the sitter's?

I'd watch how they talk to and about Alex. As you know, Bob, I am a huge fan of talking to infants and toddlers as if they were actually people, and I've seen a lot of people who talk to infants/toddlers as if the ywere rather dim pets.

How do they feel about reading to Alex, playing music for her, other enrichment activities?

Probe a bit to see how sure you can feel they'll respect your parenting choices. Ideally, you end up with a sitter who offers an informed opinion but understands you are the parent andthe final say is yours. I've seen sitters who undermined parents' choices and it's not pretty.

A lot depends on how long they can commit for. Alex is little enough that changing sitters if the need arose would not be too horrible for her, though stressful for you.

My long stint of caring for the Divine Miss L was a bit of a fluke. I flatter myself in thinking perhaps it was a lucky thing for us both. She was a joy to keep, and I did my best by her.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I sure wish we could enroll Alex in Miss Barbara's Boot Camp For Babies. Anything else is second best.

[saoba.livejournal.com]

Where's those darned transporters when we need them, any way?

I'm deeply honored to think you would trust me with Alex, given that you have already seen my handiwork. *grin*

[thbeatnik.livejournal.com]

Probe a bit to see how sure you can feel they'll respect your parenting choices. Ideally, you end up with a sitter who offers an informed opinion but understands you are the parent andthe final say is yours. I've seen sitters who undermined parents' choices and it's not pretty.


I'd agree wholeheartedly with this!

[moeticae.livejournal.com]

It may sound trite, but "Have you ever been arrested, and if so, for what?" has its merits.

Moe

[zeldajean.livejournal.com]

I've not read the other responses. That said,

REFERENCES!!! And call them, check those references!

More when i'm more coherent (read: sober)

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

Yes, references. They are key. And you'll need to come up with some questions to ask those references. Things like:

- How did nanny deal with conflict/emergency situations?

- Did you ever see nanny teach someone else a new skill? What was her approach like?

- How was nanny on basic stuff like punctuality and thoroughness?

- Would you hire nanny again? For what types of jobs?

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I've no idea if there are laws about what you may or may not ask, but I'd want to know if the candidate takes prescription medications, and what and why; if they have any allergies; I'd want to know if they have siblings; I'd want to know what other jobs they currently have; I'd want to know that they're willing to strictly adhere to *your* ideas about introducing new foods; I'd want to know if they're willing to do anything around the house while there (perhaps baby laundry?, certainly any dishes they dirty); I'd ask under what circumstances they'd call you at work to discuss the baby, too.

And resounding yes on the reference check.

K.

[abbylee]

I have to say, if I was applying for a job and a parent asked me about prescription medications, I would *never* take the job.

However, I'd probably think a reasonable question could be "do you have any health concerns we should be aware of?" To me, that would be an opening for me to mention that I have problems around smoke (including scented candles and incense) and I have back problems that rarely interfere with my daily routines (ie, when I work with kids, I have no problems picking up the 8 year olds as I know how to balance) except for the rare very bad day (ie, a few times a year I can't carry a glass of water). However, the medication I'm on to regulate my sleeping patterns is not my employer's business, nor is whether or not I'm on birth control.

I also like the idea of asking under what circumstances they'd call you.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Yes, getting to the reasonable phrasing of the question is what I wanted; thanks.

In the end, anyone can and will lie about anything, natch. But I was hoping for some way to ask about debilitating conditions of any kind, physical or emotional. I can hardly think of any that would rule someone out as a baby-sitter candidate, but as the hiring person I'd want to know about them, in part to be able to accommodate unimportant limitations in an otherwise ideal candidate, and in part to not be taken by surprise.

Also, Rivka, the last time I hired anyone through a craiglist ad, I didn't find an ideal candidate at all. I hope your search goes better than that.

K.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

If they're expected to be doing laundry and washing dishes, they may have to be neglecting the baby to do it. Nannies are nannies, maids are maids. I was talking to a nanny the other day who said that question meant she didn't take the job, because what it usually means is that the parents want a maid.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

An awful lot of people advertising childcare jobs seem to ask for "light housekeeping" as well. It seems reasonable to me to ask the nanny to pick up after herself and the baby - for example, putting toys away, putting her own lunch dishes in the dishwasher, washing baby bottles. Anything else seems like it shouldn't be part of her job description.

I could see saying something like "she went through absolutely every outfit she owns yesterday. I've got a load of clothes in the washer - could you shift them over to the dryer when it stops running?" - but only as an occasional thing.

[abbylee]

Some things that you may want to talk about, without necessarily formally asking a question are music, books, and games. You don't need the person with the most extensive repertoire, but you want someone who will have fun with Alex, as well as be able to figure out how to calm her down / make her smile. Of course, you could also ask for their favourite children's album, board book, and game.

- What would you bring with you to take an infant to the park?

- How would you clean an infant's snotty nose?

- How much flexibility do you have with your time? Does each week's schedule need to be set, or can we decide each week?

Nanny

[ailbhe]

If hiring a nanny rather than using a nursery, I'd ideally like to meet one of the other families that the nanny has worked for, if that's possible. Failing that, references references references.

Unfortunately my sister in childcare is still suffering from recent-graduate-itis and has a long list of reasons why it's practically child abuse not to enroll your child in a nursery with lots of other kids, so I can't really ask her, but it's something my antenatal class friends and I discuss a lot.

What we're going to do with our chosen babysitter, now that I might be well enough to make use of one - a part-time evenings-only arrangement - is have her over for a bit on half-pay or so, while we're here, to let her get to know Linnea and to let us see how she does. She's a school-age teenager who lives three doors down with her mother, so if she *did* get into any trouble her mother is *right there*. Otherwise we wouldn't be considering someone that young, I think. Linnea's a handful. Or two. And I don't think I could actually usefully interview someone enough to feel confident later about leaving them alone with Linnea, because I'm not good at interviews.

Re: Nanny

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately my sister in childcare is still suffering from recent-graduate-itis and has a long list of reasons why it's practically child abuse not to enroll your child in a nursery with lots of other kids, so I can't really ask her, but it's something my antenatal class friends and I discuss a lot.

When Alex is a toddler, we'll probably consider a different arrangement where she'll have more opportunities for socializing with agemates. But at age 3 months, the only thing she's likely to get from other kids is their germs.

We will absolutely be talking to their references.

Re: Nanny

[ailbhe]

Yes, we're (I'm) beginning to take Linnea to toddler stuff now - there are lots of activities around here for little kids. I meet a lot of nannies and childminders at them, actually - I might try to be unshy enough to ask them questions soon. For some reason, libraries seem to do an *awful lot* for small children.

Rob's childminder sends us birthday and Christmas cards for Linnea. We often pop in to see her when we're visiting his parents. She and his mother have a fantastic relationship. It's lovely.

Re: Nanny

[(Anonymous)]

I found my own children, even as infants, surprisingly interested and reactive around other young children! It is tempting to think that using a private nanny in your home will allow your child the most attention and stimulation, but actually, the happy chaos of a mixed-age group might be beneficial, and allow Alex oodles more socialization, learning, social skill practice, and flexibility.

Also, many parents end up feeling more secure with a liscenced childcare setting. A daycare with a very good child-adult ratio, planned activities and schedules, impeccable references, and a complete open-door policy is a wonderful thing. There are some excellent nannies out there, but I think I would hesitate to have a hired provider working alone in my home with my not-yet-verbal baby.

Re: Nanny

[rivka.livejournal.com]

A daycare with a very good child-adult ratio, planned activities and schedules, impeccable references, and a complete open-door policy is a wonderful thing.

And expensive, and hard to find, and usually completely unwilling to take an infant on a part-time basis.

Believe me, we investigated all our childcare options.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

Coincidentally, I was talking to a nanny on Friday, and here anyway, from what she says it's an employees market. She said she takes jobs based on how much she likes the kid and how much the parents' attitude meshes with hers. I think in reverse, that's what I'd go for, how much she likes Alex and how much her attitudes mesh with yours.

[heidi8.livejournal.com]

I'm not trying to push but Alex is going to be a toddler in - believe me - 7 to 12 months, and you don't want to have someone who's grand at cooing over an infant but who can't cope with or keep up with a toddler. So ask the same sorts of questions regarding experience and responses, but replace infant with toddler.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

That's an excellent point, thanks.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

Continuity of care is important. Is this person going to be available in the fall? Is this person going to be available next year? For the next five years?

Look into day-care, too. Yes, she is too young to get benefits from socializing with others. But exposure to germs really is good for her, to a certain extent. Early exercise of the immune system -- within reason -- cuts down on the rate of allergies, asthma, and auto-immune disorders later in life.

Anyway, if you decide to go with a nanny now and daycare later, the ideal situation would be a nanny who you can call on in future years for evening babysitting and even taking care of Alex on those days when she is too sick for day-care but not sick enough for you to have to be with her. Believe me, there will be many, many days like that. Day-care centers will often not let a child come back until 24 hours have passed since she last ran a fever. She'll be sent home if she vomits, even if it was because of nerves or making herself dizzy, not because she's sick. At some point or another, she will get lice, pinworms, conjunctivitis, and chickenpox. (If you're lucky, these will not be all at the same time!)

If you are sure you will never want to run for office, your very best candidate would be the spouse of a foreign graduate student or professional worker. This will be someone who will be in this country for several years, but who is not herself legally allowed to work here. She will be happy for the income you provide, and for giving her something to do. She will speak to Alex in her own language, so Alex will have the benefits of being bilingual. How cool would it be for her to be able to put on her college application that she speaks fluent Cantonese!

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

If you are sure you will never want to run for office, your very best candidate would be the spouse of a foreign graduate student or professional worker. This will be someone who will be in this country for several years, but who is not herself legally allowed to work here.

I hope this suggestion was a joke!

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

Would I advocate circumventing my country's byzantine and illogical immigration authorities? Would I recommend actually paying a furriner instead of a red-blooded American? Don't I think that if English was good enough for God to write the Bible in, it's good enough to be the only language American kids know how to speak?

Ha ha! Yes! It's a joke!

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Well, the idea that hiring a Chinese nanny for a baby less than a year old will lead to adult fluency is pretty ludicrous.

But hey: if you're going to leave comments in my journal, please be more civil to my friends. If for no other reason than that it makes you look awfully silly to impute American jingoism to hobbitbabe, who is not an American.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I thought hobbitbabe's objection was to circumventing Immigration Dept rulings that keep a number of friends of mine unemployed and bored.

Actually, exposure to bilingualism at a young age does help a child learn foreign languages and possibly mathematics later in life, even if the child no longer remembers the foreign language. But, Alex is going to remain an infant for just a few more months, and you may end up with a nanny at least part-time for five years or more. A language she speaks as a toddler may well stay with her, especially if she keeps in touch with her nanny as she grows up.