(no subject)

[rivka]

Today I went to work.

I still have two more weeks of maternity leave, and two more weeks before our childcare provider starts work. But the statistician for our big NIH grant is in town today through Friday, and there was no way in the world I was willing to let my boss handle those meetings by herself. They're all about the tiny little details of data collection and analysis, and Lydia is the anti-detail person. She's good at the big picture and the theory. I'm good at organization, execution, analysis - the reality.

Michael stayed home with Alex today. I put on clothes which would not hide spit-up, and a plastic tag with my picture on it, and I took the bus into my office for the first time in three months. It felt very strange.

We had the meetings at a house Lydia owns, a block from the Institute. I submerged myself in our data, all the tiny details of subject recruitment and data coding and potential missing values and possible future analyses. I discussed minutiae of Excel and SPSS (Statistical Package for Social Sciences.) I exercised mental muscles which I haven't used in months - although I have fielded occasional calls from research assistants and from my boss, during my leave.

I was good at it.

I didn't start being overpowered by thoughts of Alex until the bus ride home. When I came into the house I was so glad to see her, and especially to touch her. I held her in my arms and felt the warm solid heaviness of her body, and buried my nose in the sweet smell of her baby hair, and stroked her arms and legs. She grinned at me with her full-body grin, the one where she hunches her shoulders and draws her arms and legs in and turns her head aside, as if to say that she's so happy with what she's seeing that she can't even stand to look at it anymore.

Tomorrow and Friday I'll be taking her to work with me, because Michael only takes one day off per week. That should be fun. At least we're meeting at Lydia's house, and I won't be trying to do all-day baby care in a conference room at the Institute.

Comments

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

My partner tells me that when they were in Germany, they also discovered that fathers who Worked Did Not Cook, and could not grocery shop because the stores closed early, and Did Not Mourn miscarriage or visit family members in hospital. Sounds limiting.

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

could not grocery shop because the stores closed early,

My sister lived in Germany, and it was very difficult for her to keep up with the things that needed doing (school/work), and still make it to the grocery store for shopping and little stuff like that. She said it was just impossible, some weeks. I always felt she needed a wife to take care of her domestic tasks for her.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

It's a bit better now that a lot of supermarkets are open until 7 or 8pm, and as opposed to the UK, "normal" shops usually stay open until 6.30, not until 5, 5.30 or 6. What I would really miss, though, were I to move back, is weekend shopping. The only places you can get stuff on Sundays in Germany are filling stations. Sad but true.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

In defence of the German male, I would like to point out that those few young German dads I know (n=ridiculously small and including my own DH), are not like that at all - they share the load.

But yes, patriarchal patterns are still strong in society. And they wonder why people don't have babies. Did your partner also tell you about the "Please, please have more babies" ad campaigns? They've been running for years and years now.