Oh, for fuck's sake.

[rivka]

Ninety-nine percent of the time, when I'm offensive, (a) I know that I'm being offensive, (b) I'm doing it on purpose, and (c) I'm willing to acknowledge it. This may not be much of a virtue, but sometimes it's all I've got.

In another journal to which I shall not link, a commenter presented the opinion that "autism and ADD are 'massively overdiagnosed.' " When I asked if she had any evidence for this claim, she posted a long set of justifications involving lazy teachers, parents with no discipline skills, venal psychologists, and suggestive idiots who see symptom lists on the internet and become convinced that their child is autistic. Here's the money quote:

what is often diagnosed as autism is more likely a lack of parenting skills combined with a therapist's interest in creating a lucrative "treatment" plan - one that involves "specialists" "drugs" and "group therapy" - all of which line someone's pockets.

My response, I acknowledge, was not at all kind or temperate. I regretted, afterwards, not making the same points in slightly more temperate language. But I am not amused, today, to discover that she made a long self-pitying post in her own journal about how victimized she was by my horrible attack. Because she is never one to make a point offensively, herself. She's very gentle.

If the bit I quoted above is not unbelievably offensive to parents of autistic children and to mental health treatment providers, then I need a new definition for the word. Yes, when I fired back, I was harsh. But I'll be damned if I'm going to accept a version of events in which I am supposed to have fired the first shot.

Comments

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

There were two brothers.

One was called "computer" because he was thought to be the smarter one.

He was put on Ritalin. It helped. They took him off of it... hyperactivity is a trendy diagnosis. His parents were having marital problems. That was the only reason he was acting inappropriately.

The other... he just suffered. He didn't know how to deal with the racing thoughts, the overwhelming emotions, and hypersensitity to things.

Twenty odd years later, the other discovered that being half-asleep all the time, being unable to fight though a fog, being unable to bear the pain of being alive, that wasn't *normal*... and eventually discovered he had ADHD.

The other one, the brighter star, had already started killing himself with drugs and alcohol. He died last year. He was still finding a way to deal with his own pain, still trying to understand.

I understand that you hear all the stories, and you might think it's worth worrying about, and you also might think that Rivka is (or I am) being unduly harsh on those who don't understand.

But it can be a matter of life and death, literally.

And sometimes, sometimes you have the time, the strength, and the wisdom to be calm and find comfortable ways to counter the arguments and explain things in a way that gets people to understand.

And sometimes... sometimes you don't.

And it can be hurtful to people when they get snapped at angrily because they didn't understand. I get that. I'd rather (as would Rivka) gently change their minds, because a gently changed mind is more likely to stay changed.

But it's not always possible. People can't say "on" all the time, ready to let the pain and anger and frustration drain away, so that they can gently help another person to understand. So, sometimes the pain and frustration leaks out, and sometimes it's fair, and sometimes it's not, but life's like that, sometimes.

Yeah, I understand that people have misconceptions that can caus a great deal of suffering. I know that they're not evil or malicious for having those misconceptions. But *damn*, it still hurts.