Oh, sweetie. When the poet called April the cruellest month, he was wrong. That's February. "Cabin fever time," we used to call it when I lived in the great north. Everyone I know is suffering from it.
I don't mean to trivialize your feelings; you've got a lot on your plate. But also: February.
It's actually been freakishly warm and pleasant here for the past couple of weeks. Like, on Friday Alex and I went for two different walks, and for the second walk neither one of us even needed a coat. So for the most part I've been able to get out.
Of course, this morning was vintage February, cold and windy, and my bus was 25 minutes late. But anyway.
Do you have a weekly Mom's Night Out scheduled? If you don't, you must do this. I have had designated Friday night out since my girls were babies, and it is critical to my sanity. Use your night out to go to a movie, a coffeeshop, a bookstore, out with a friend. My children loved it as their special time with Daddy.
I swear, cross my heart, triple-dog swear, there is life after infancy and toddlerhood. You've driven into a tunnel, and it's a tiny tunnel. There is bright light at the end.
This is a hard year, and don't let any insane person try to convince you otherwise.
(And I agree that if there's any even kind of conceivable way to arrange a regular break from everything, then that sounds like a very important thing.)
I'm sorry. Hope it gets better, and I hope some of these swell friends here can help.
As an aside, Sarah still compares herself to "Baby Alex" with the same regularity. She'll be four on Wednesday, and she's older than Baby Alex. She'll be able to drive a car before Baby Alex.
Your daughter really made an impression on our daughter! Just mentioning.
I have found parenting to be one of the most emotionally exhausting things I've done in my life. And that would be true even if I didn't have paid work to do, and relationships to maintain, and all that other stuff.
And I know just how difficult it can be to follow the "give yourself a break, go out and have a mom's night out" advice that everyone tends to give. Sure, it's good advice, but there are so many factors that make it actually seem like more trouble than it's worth.
And I know just how difficult it can be to follow the "give yourself a break, go out and have a mom's night out" advice that everyone tends to give. Sure, it's good advice, but there are so many factors that make it actually seem like more trouble than it's worth.
Honestly, I don't even know what I would do with myself. It's not like there are tons of exciting things that I'd love to get out and do, and only the lack of childcare is holding me back.
I've had a gift certificate for a massage lying on the end table in the living room for months. It just never seems worth the effort to make an appointment and coordinate schedules with Michael and have it done.
I'm sorry you're feeling so burned out right now. I wish I could help.
As far as what to use a night out for, you've talked in the past about wanting to be in a book club so what about something like that once a month? The book club I was in in Edmonton was started as a way for two of my friends-with-kids to get out of the house and do something for themselves. (Now that it's just the two moms left in Edmonton, they still get together once a month for dinner and skip the whole book thing.) Maybe you have other friends-with-kids who would like the chance to have a night off or maybe a book club is already set up at your library or a nearby bookstore. It would probably require you to leave the house before Alex is fed and settled for the night, though. Is that a problem?
There are times when I just feel wiped out and about to go mad. It helps to hand the baby off to Michael, go to a bookstore/coffee shop, and just have an hour to be me. Not a mother, not a wife, not an employee--just me.
As soon as Michael is feeling better, I hope you'll be able to reschedule that date with wcg. Maybe take up country dancing again?
At Evan's 9-month checkup, our doctor's handouts started off with, "Nine-month-olds are extremely energetic. Make sure you're getting enough rest." Those two sentences didn't seem particularly compatible at the time, but for about a month there, I fell asleep for the night when Evan did, and it did help my mood.
"just have an hour to be me. Not a mother, not a wife, not an employee--just me."
That sounds like heaven! I think one of the hardest things about being a mom is feeling responsible 24/7- even if someone else has the kids for a little while, I'm nearly always the one who arranged it, and I'm usually wondering in the back of my mind how they are doing. Even when I'm asleep I'm still listening for the kids in case they wake up. Someone at preschool the other day commented that kids are much harder to take care of than those eggs they used to make kids carry around in 7th grade, and we all laughed ruefully.
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For what it's worth, you're an inspiration of a "Good Mom" (and good person) to me.
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Thanks. I am so not a Good Mom right now, but it's nice to be reminded that other people don't see me as an overall Mom Failure.
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I don't mean to trivialize your feelings; you've got a lot on your plate. But also: February.
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Of course, this morning was vintage February, cold and windy, and my bus was 25 minutes late. But anyway.
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Hahahahahahaha.
No.
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I swear, cross my heart, triple-dog swear, there is life after infancy and toddlerhood. You've driven into a tunnel, and it's a tiny tunnel. There is bright light at the end.
This is a hard year, and don't let any insane person try to convince you otherwise.
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(And I agree that if there's any even kind of conceivable way to arrange a regular break from everything, then that sounds like a very important thing.)
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you want i should send you some ice cream? because if it would help, i would.
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Sending hugs.
-J
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No, no, hanging out with you was one of the best things that happened to me all week.
Thanks for the hugs.
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Hope it gets better soon.
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As an aside, Sarah still compares herself to "Baby Alex" with the same regularity. She'll be four on Wednesday, and she's older than Baby Alex. She'll be able to drive a car before Baby Alex.
Your daughter really made an impression on our daughter! Just mentioning.
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And I know just how difficult it can be to follow the "give yourself a break, go out and have a mom's night out" advice that everyone tends to give. Sure, it's good advice, but there are so many factors that make it actually seem like more trouble than it's worth.
Many hugs.
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Honestly, I don't even know what I would do with myself. It's not like there are tons of exciting things that I'd love to get out and do, and only the lack of childcare is holding me back.
I've had a gift certificate for a massage lying on the end table in the living room for months. It just never seems worth the effort to make an appointment and coordinate schedules with Michael and have it done.
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As far as what to use a night out for, you've talked in the past about wanting to be in a book club so what about something like that once a month? The book club I was in in Edmonton was started as a way for two of my friends-with-kids to get out of the house and do something for themselves. (Now that it's just the two moms left in Edmonton, they still get together once a month for dinner and skip the whole book thing.) Maybe you have other friends-with-kids who would like the chance to have a night off or maybe a book club is already set up at your library or a nearby bookstore. It would probably require you to leave the house before Alex is fed and settled for the night, though. Is that a problem?
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As soon as Michael is feeling better, I hope you'll be able to reschedule that date with
At Evan's 9-month checkup, our doctor's handouts started off with, "Nine-month-olds are extremely energetic. Make sure you're getting enough rest." Those two sentences didn't seem particularly compatible at the time, but for about a month there, I fell asleep for the night when Evan did, and it did help my mood.
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That sounds like heaven! I think one of the hardest things about being a mom is feeling responsible 24/7- even if someone else has the kids for a little while, I'm nearly always the one who arranged it, and I'm usually wondering in the back of my mind how they are doing. Even when I'm asleep I'm still listening for the kids in case they wake up. Someone at preschool the other day commented that kids are much harder to take care of than those eggs they used to make kids carry around in 7th grade, and we all laughed ruefully.
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