Urban cardio.

[rivka]

After a great night out with minnaleigh, I arrived home at 11:15pm and parked just past the cross-street.

There were two men standing on the corner, about five feet apart from each other, facing the street. Not interacting. The night was chilly and windy; they were dressed in heavy dark jackets and stocking caps. My immediate read? Drug dealers. There's a bar across the street from where they were standing, and we've had dealers work that corner before. They didn't look like they were looking for tricks, there's no bus stop on that corner, and they weren't stepping outside someone's house for a smoke. So probably dealers.

Drug dealers don't actually worry me. They can tell at a glance that I'm not part of their clientele - I've never been solicited. And they have a lot more money than I do, so I don't worry that they'll rob me. We generally ignore each other. So I walked briskly past these guys without making eye contact.

And sensed movement behind me.

A quick glance over my shoulder showed that one of them had fallen into step behind me, maybe ten feet away, and adrenaline jolted through my veins. I quickened my pace. He called out to me:

"You're okay, honey. I'm just walking." But he didn't stop or fall behind, and he said a couple more things to me. I'm not sure what, exactly, because I was focusing on the distance between us and between me and the house. I didn't get the impression that it was anything sexual or threatening - it sounded like he was trying to get me to turn around and talk to him.

I was walking very quickly indeed by the time I climbed my front steps. My key was ready in my hand, and had been since I'd stepped out of the car. As I fitted it into the lock, I felt him pass just behind me. And then I was inside, with the door shut and locked, breathing hard.

Now, the next day, I am wondering if I overreacted. In particular, I'm wondering if prejudice contributed to my sense of danger. I don't think so. I've been living downtown for almost three years now, and that's the first time I've really felt scared on the street. Our neighborhood gets a lot of foot traffic, and I've always felt safe enough walking a block or two on my own at night as long as I was going in a well-traveled direction. But I can't explain why my sense of menace was so strong, and why his reassurance felt like anything but.

Partly, I guess, I think that he should've slowed down and let me put distance between us once he realized that he'd spooked me. And I think he shouldn't have continued speaking to me. But is that fair?

Comments

[zeldajean.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think it's perfectly fair. You were spooked, and likely would have been regardless of who suddenly fell into step behind you. That he realized this, commented on it, and did nothing normal to ease that (namely, letting distance come between you, and to stop talking), is, well, weird. And it would have contributed to my own sense of menace. It's possible that he thought his chatter would calm you. Perhaps that was his goal so that whatever underlying plan he had could be carried out. Perhaps he really did just mean to soothe you. But once I've been spooked, the last thing to calm me is soft words from the stranger who caused it.

I agree with you that no, prejudice didn't contribute to your sense of danger. YOu didn't feel in danger until someone started keeping pace with you. That it was one of the dealer on the street is inconsequential.

[marith.livejournal.com]

I am in love with your icon.

[zeldajean.livejournal.com]

*blush*