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rivkaMy dear friend ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
trinker is fond of pointing out that "exotic" is a relative term. It doesn't refer to a particular culture, or to cultures that vary from a particular reference culture. She thinks molded lime jello salads are exotic. She thinks Methodist church suppers are exotic.
All of this is a lead-in to saying that last night I had the unusual (for me) experience of being exoticized.
I was at a dinner meeting for a research study I'm coordinating. We've trained lay counselors to do a phone intervention with women who are facing a scary medical procedure. Our six peer counselors were at this dinner, as well as the surgeon and nurse practitioner who comprise the medical half of the study. As we ate, the conversation flowed freely until it came around to the subject of funerals.
One of the peer counselors mentioned that she'd been talking to a co-worker "who happens to be a white lady," and that she had just been amazed at some of the differences between white people's funerals and black people's funerals. She went on to explain, in exactly the tones in which I might discuss something I'd read about coming-of-age rituals in Samoa. "So, at a white funeral, they... and apparently, they believe that... which I thought was interesting, because of course we would never..." Her tone wasn't derogatory or critical. Nor did she seem the least bit self-conscious about taking this anthropological tone in front of actual white people. The other peer counselors were very interested in hearing about and shaking their heads at exotic white customs. The surgeon (also black) interjected several comments trying to make sense of the described behaviors, or justify the differences: "Well, probably they feel that... maybe that comes from...."
There were two white peer counselors there, and me. As we addressed these "white customs" we found ourselves trying in vain to make the point that there are a lot of cultural differences between white people, depending on region and religion and ancestry and class. Our responses ranged from an outraged "Hey! That's not a white custom, that's just creepy!" (food served at a wake, in the same room as the open casket), to confusion ("Huh. No, I wouldn't think it was an insult to slip money into a sympathy card for the widow, I've just never heard of it being done. I wouldn't even think to give money at a funeral.") to clarifying explanation ("Well, of course you usually go back to the house afterward for a meal, but sometimes instead the church ladies will put together a lunch and serve it at the church, or...").
It was a fascinating conversation. More liike my last trip to a foreign country than anything else. Previously, I've had an intellectual understanding of whattrinker meant about definitions of "exotic" - but I'd never felt exotic before, not in my own country. Not in a country where lots of people like me live and work and have funerals, and are readily available for observation. It was a strange experience.
trinker is fond of pointing out that "exotic" is a relative term. It doesn't refer to a particular culture, or to cultures that vary from a particular reference culture. She thinks molded lime jello salads are exotic. She thinks Methodist church suppers are exotic.All of this is a lead-in to saying that last night I had the unusual (for me) experience of being exoticized.
I was at a dinner meeting for a research study I'm coordinating. We've trained lay counselors to do a phone intervention with women who are facing a scary medical procedure. Our six peer counselors were at this dinner, as well as the surgeon and nurse practitioner who comprise the medical half of the study. As we ate, the conversation flowed freely until it came around to the subject of funerals.
One of the peer counselors mentioned that she'd been talking to a co-worker "who happens to be a white lady," and that she had just been amazed at some of the differences between white people's funerals and black people's funerals. She went on to explain, in exactly the tones in which I might discuss something I'd read about coming-of-age rituals in Samoa. "So, at a white funeral, they... and apparently, they believe that... which I thought was interesting, because of course we would never..." Her tone wasn't derogatory or critical. Nor did she seem the least bit self-conscious about taking this anthropological tone in front of actual white people. The other peer counselors were very interested in hearing about and shaking their heads at exotic white customs. The surgeon (also black) interjected several comments trying to make sense of the described behaviors, or justify the differences: "Well, probably they feel that... maybe that comes from...."
There were two white peer counselors there, and me. As we addressed these "white customs" we found ourselves trying in vain to make the point that there are a lot of cultural differences between white people, depending on region and religion and ancestry and class. Our responses ranged from an outraged "Hey! That's not a white custom, that's just creepy!" (food served at a wake, in the same room as the open casket), to confusion ("Huh. No, I wouldn't think it was an insult to slip money into a sympathy card for the widow, I've just never heard of it being done. I wouldn't even think to give money at a funeral.") to clarifying explanation ("Well, of course you usually go back to the house afterward for a meal, but sometimes instead the church ladies will put together a lunch and serve it at the church, or...").
It was a fascinating conversation. More liike my last trip to a foreign country than anything else. Previously, I've had an intellectual understanding of what
trinker meant about definitions of "exotic" - but I'd never felt exotic before, not in my own country. Not in a country where lots of people like me live and work and have funerals, and are readily available for observation. It was a strange experience.
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Re: So...
Date: 2002-01-16 03:06 pm (UTC)I think this is what underlies my annoyance at the "natto is *sooooooo* disgusting!" meme. It pretends that one's own culture doesn't have foodstuffs that might be viewed with equal revulsion, and attaches additional layers of meaning ("...and those people are so *weird* and not like us *normal* people for liking it!").
(And no, it didn't cause me pain, it caused me puzzlement.)
Re: So...
Date: 2002-01-17 01:15 pm (UTC)Didn't I say "exoticized"? ...I did. It's right up there in my very first characterization of the event. But I guess I also said exotic.
I think of exotic as a sort of neutral, "this thing is not common here" concept, now, but to exoticize feels to me as if it's a "thrusting out of the circle".
Right. I've had plenty of "whoa, this ain't my culture" experiences. Feeling like an anthropological specimen is different. Although, come to think of it, I have felt that way before - just not in a while. And never before because of my race.
Re: So...
Date: 2002-01-17 04:39 pm (UTC)And...interesting. I find it hard to separate culture and "race" in most of the cases where I've felt exoticized. (Unless it's about California/Southern California vs. the rest of the world... ;)
Re: So...
Date: 2002-01-17 06:17 pm (UTC)I was thinking, for example, of the chick who turned to me at a crowded psychology department happy hour and asked brightly, "So, do bisexuals need to date a man and a woman at the same time?"
Re: So...
Date: 2002-01-17 07:07 pm (UTC)