Christmas in Memphis: no funny rants this time.

[rivka]

I think some of my friends probably look forward to my lurid stories about Michael's stepmother. She's so awful that, on some level, she's entertaining; we've gotten quite a bit of conversational mileage out of her parenting advice, her decorating sense, her asparagus recipe. (Oh, my God...)

This time I don't have any fun Betty stories. Because she's moved on to direct attacks on Michael for not loving his dead mother enough.

Yeah. See? No entertainment potential there.

She blindsided him one morning in the kitchen, while he was giving Alex breakfast and I was still asleep.

"How come you didn't name her after your mother?"

Michael explained that he wasn't particularly fond of the name Nancy.

"Well, I think that Nancy Alexandra would have been really pretty. Your Dad was really disappointed - he was hoping you'd name her for your mother."

Later on, while we were all together, Michael was telling a sweet little anecdote about his relationship with his grandfather Crabtree, whom he called 'Big Crab.' (His grandfather called him 'Little Crab,' because Crabtree is Michael's middle name.)

Betty interrupted him. "Nancy? You don't call her Mom?"

We all looked at her in complete incomprehension. She spent the next several minutes insisting that Michael had referred to Big Crab as 'Nancy's father' - thereby referring to the woman who'd raised him, and whose deathbed he had faithfully attended, by her first name. Michael and I were united in our equally firm insistence that Michael hadn't said anything of the sort. Michael's father just looked nonplussed.

I can't think of any motive for this, except to try to drive a wedge between Michael and his father by implying that, because Michael is adopted, he doesn't really consider himself to be part of his father's family. (She also kept pushing Michael to talk about his birthmother.) Because Michael's relationship with his father is so loving and so solid, I guess she thought it would work best to tarnish the memory of his relationship with his mother.

So, yeah. No funny stories this time.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'd be so tempted to say, in response to Alex's naming, "Right. See, I just didn't love her enough," with an eye roll, but that's because I'm not there, and bringing about drama from afar is easier. Home, I avoid it, and would probably just cringe.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

The more I learn about Betty, the less I comprehend her.

[going-not-gone.livejournal.com]

What a horrid, nasty, malicious woman. I'm sorry you had to deal with her.

I'm surprised she didn't ask why you didn't name the baby Betty.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

Sucks to be her, ergo sucks to be around her.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

-J

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Maybe the Miss Manners response, "How kind of you to say that", over and over again?

[redbird]

Maybe a gentle mention to Michael's father that you're concerned that Betty's hearing, or mind, may be going, because she's hearing things nobody has said, and obsessing about trivia (what you named your daughter is trivial in this context)?

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

I wonder what her personal history with adoption is.

Did she or someone close to her ever give a child up for adoption, or have an abortion even though pressed to give birth and give the baby up for adoption -- or was she or someone close to her adopted?

All questions she is not likely to answer truthfully if she really does have a problem, but, you know...

[redbird]

For Michael to say "I loved Mom a great deal, and still do, but of course nobody could possibly love anyone as much as my parents loved each other," with a warm smile at his father because they were both lucky enough to know and love her, would probably be nastier to Betty than Michael would want, even though it's indirect.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Ooh, classic.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Ooh. I love this.

-J

[adrian-turtle.livejournal.com]

This is *brilliant*. Worthy of my grandmother in her prime, in backhand power.

[redbird]

Thanks.

I seldom (if ever) actually say things like this, and not just because I'm pretty fortunate in my ability to avoid situations like that nowadays.

[curiousangel.livejournal.com]

That's a perfect example of a "carriage retort" -- if I'd thought of it, I'd have gladly used it, but I didn't, so I had to make do with something else.

Instead, I just made sure that Betty got to come along and sit in the car watching while I brought Alex on a pilgrimage to her grandmother's graveside. Dad came along too, although he wasn't feeling well enough to get out of the car. Still, he saw that it was important enough to me to take time out to visit the gravesite with him, and to bring Alex along, too. Betty got to watch him watching us, and I feel certain that she had absolutely nothing to say during that time. If that was hard for her... tough fucking shit, I meant for it to be hard for her.

I went to the cemetery for me, and to bring Alex to her grandmother's grave, and to have a chance to go there with Dad. I'd have done it without Betty coming along, or without Dad... but having them both there, especially at the same time, was just icing on the cake. It was especially sweet to see the look on her face when I asked Dad when he'd like to arrange it for he and Alex and I to go, and when Betty squawked about him going out "in his condition", we opined that she could come along if she would like to.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Well done.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Wow. Isn't that... _precious_.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Argh! That *woman*.

-J

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

well, that's probably the one downside to michael's father's cancer going into remission, huh?

ugh. *hugs* for you both.

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

Argh.

Ptui.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Ick. Ick, I say.

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

She's so insecure. That's really sad.

*shakes head*

N.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

That just all sounds mean and draining to be around.

But I have to admit to wondering about the asparagus.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

On one of our first visits to Memphis after they married, Betty asked if there were any vegetables we particularly liked. We said sure, we both loved asparagus.

She took a bunch of asparagus and boiled it for about half an hour, until it was gray and the texture was a slimier version of cotton candy. Then she put some Velveeta ("processed cheese food") on top of it, and put it in the microwave to melt the Velveeta.

I had previously thought that I could eat anything, to be polite.

You'd think that I would've learned my lesson, except that a few years later, when we visited while I was pregnant, she asked me if I had any cravings and I told her yes, I craved red meat. The next day there was a roast of beef defrosting on the counter, and I thought "great!"

She baked it for four or five hours. It was dry and sawdusty, like an overcooked pot roast... only worse, of course, because pot roast is a tough and fatty cut that actually benefits from long cooking, and this was a lean and, originally, tender cut. And I had to eat every bite of my serving, because she'd made it just for me.

Michael's father told her how good it was. Then, the next day, he went out and bought a bunch of enormous strip steaks and cooked them outside on the grill. (This was at Christmas, too! But in their relationship, grilling is the only permissible situation in which he cooks.) Mine was juicy and red, just on the rare side of medium-rare, and juuuust what I was craving. I probably ate about a pound of meat.

My father-in-law isn't perfect, by any means, but boy do I love him. ;-)

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Oh, the dear man.



When our children were maybe 8 and 11 - soon after M was allowed to fly as an unaccompanied minor - they spent a week with grandparents. Their grandmother got out a notebook and asked them their favourite foods. M sighed and said "steamed broccoli". This astonished their grandmother so much she still repeats the story. We never told her the sequel, which is that M came home and reported that her grandmother overcooks broccoli.

[browse.livejournal.com]

I occasionally refer to my mother by her first name. I had no idea this meant I was less of a son or didn't care for her as much as I should have. Huh. Learn something new every day.

[submarine-bells.livejournal.com]

Sounds like Betty and my mother compare notes on a regular basis. I wonder if there's a club they go to?

Constant sniping like this is a big reason why I no longer seek out contact with my mother. The only way to minimise drama that I found worked in her presence was to try to shrug off her comments, or pretend she hadn't said them, which only worked in situations where she wasn't actively pushing to get a reaction from me.

Good luck in finding better ways of dealing with Betty. She sounds very stressful to be around.

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

Ah, I was thinking we should introduce Betty to my stepmother and let them snipe each other to death. Your mother would probably make it go quicker.

[pariyal.livejournal.com]

Oh yes! I'd bring my mother to join in if she hadn't died in 1998.

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

Some people just don't have enough to do, and are forced to go trying to stir up trouble. Feh.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Ick.

Sympathy.

B

[ailbhe]

At last I know that Linnea doesn't really love me! (She only uses my first name when she *particularly* wants a big favour).

[ex-helygen254.livejournal.com]

She reminds me of my mother: every time I think she can't get any worse, she manages it.