For Sale *CHEAP* Toddler, EUC

[rivka]

Interactive mid-sized toddler with multiple speech, game, and random motor activity modes available now. Price reduced for quick sale! Bid now. All reasonable offers considered.

Advanced vocabulary combines with excellent throwing arm to produce hours of varied entertainment. Similar models may request and throw crackers, cookies, etc. This model is additionally capable of requesting and throwing pomegranate seeds, glass of milk, bagel cream cheese, and mango, among others. Hundreds of possibilities prolong game cycles, reduce boredom, & provide an excellent variety of cleaning opportunities.

Innovative 0-to-60 protest mode hones reflexes and promotes rapid motor function. Can YOU respond to increasingly complicated requests before nuclear meltdown occurs? Challenge yourself!

All behavior and speech routines guaranteed not to wear out through hundreds of repetitions. Each verse of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," each reading of "Five Little Monkeys Play Hide and Seek," and each closing of a box toddler is not capable of opening independently occurs just as if the previous hundred instances had not occurred! Ideal for the obsessive-compulsive buyer or the Korsakoff's Syndrome patient.

Proximity alarm sounds if toddler is more than 6 inches from base unit (you), ensuring that your valuable property is in no danger of loss or theft. Alarm sounds cycle through three settings: wail, MAMA MAMA MAMA, and UPPY UPPY UPPY. One volume setting (HIGH).

Long-lasting power source means many, many, many hours of operation without the need to recharge. For efficient operation, toddler is programmed to resist recharging until every last particle of energy has been expended.

Excellent used condition. Right knee slightly abraded. Some dirt & stains on face - should respond to thorough cleaning. Toddler is sold AS IS. No refunds or returns.

33.5" high, 24lb. Please specify preferred shipping method. 15% discount if toddler is picked up by COB today.

Comments

[geekymary.livejournal.com]

Hee.

Hug.

[eeyorerin]

If I act now, will you throw in some Ginsu knives?

Man, I didn't realize how much competition the gypsies would have for children now that we have eBay.

[thette.livejournal.com]

Many hugs. We've hit the first phase of separation anxiety, so I totally sympathise.

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

Me! I will give you a very good price. We'll have to arrange for shipping, though; I have a fedex number, and if they can handle racehorses, they can handle a toddler. Probably.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

My canonical threat, which I bequeath to you, was to turn her into a newt. It worked for years, until a child looked up at me, and laughing, said "you CAN'T!"

[cattitude.livejournal.com]

What kind of trade-in can I get on a cat that has earned the sobriquet "your rotten cat?"

[ailsaek.livejournal.com]

*grin* I know exactly where you're coming from. Want a twenty-year-old in trade?

[threeringedmoon.livejournal.com]

You need a Collie: good with kids, excellent at cleanup.

[ailbhe]

*howling with laughter*

Thank you SO MUCH for this.

Though I envy you her weight - Linnea was 20lb at 6 months and Emer is about 16lb at 4 months. My mother has backache.

[pameladean]

Oh dear oh dear. Steve Brust once offered to sell us several children for ten cents a pound. I am also reminded of the time that my college boyfriend encountered a mother, grandmother, and toddler outside the grocery store. The toddler was screaming, though still upright. He gathered that they were trying to forestall the moment when he flung himself to the sidewalk. "Would you like Grandma to carry you?" "NOOOOO!" "Would you like Mommy's cookie?" "NOOOOO!" "Would you like to ride in your wagon?" "NOOOOOO!" My boyfriend, activated by who knows what impulse, said, "Would you like to be made into soup?" There was a silence that lasted until he had gone into the store, but he never was sure that what he did was a good idea.

*hug*

P.

[huladavid.livejournal.com]

Or an Australian Shepard (I think that's the name of the breed...). One warm spring day when I was up at the "family" dairy farm my nephews (both still in diaper) were playing with a coupla calves that'd gotten out of their pen. I kept a half eye on all the little animals, and then noticed that Pepper (the Aussie dog) was herding them.--both those with hooves and those with opposable thumbs...

Ya know...

[huladavid.livejournal.com]

Ya know, my brother has this biiiiiiig barm just full'a cows that need milking. Should I check with him & see if he needs any more workers?

(This makes me think of the times my mother would look at me semi-disgusted--after all, this was the woman who stole a pig as a child--and mutter something about me being a "refugee from a fish factory". Being only a child at the time, I was unaware that fish needed to be assembled.)

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Thing is, at least I'm not allergic to the toddler.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh dear.

[riarambles.livejournal.com]

Perhaps we could do a swap of my almost-eight-month old for your toddler?

[baldanders.livejournal.com]

Oh dear.

[treadpath.livejournal.com]

I'd offer you mine as an exchange, but the setting is stuck on "wake up at 3 AM screaming for yogurt." I must've spilled something sticky on it at some point. And I can't seem to find a copy of the warranty anywhere! Hmm. Curious.

Hugs to you and Alex and I hope everything becomes a little more easy soon. :)

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

whether or not the above two posters were serious about their suggestions, i totally am. if you can talk to your local rescue agencies and find a three or four year old small herding dog that is known to be good with kids, a person might consider it. you will then have two small mammals who can entertain each other, you will never again have to pick a cheerio up off the floor, and the dog will keep the kidlet out of trouble.

at least this is how i'm hoping it will work. me, i got the herding dog *first*. ;)

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

(Offer of hugs, and commiseration (as much as a non-parent can offer), and, if desired, sending vibes of strength, patience, and courage.)

[jinian.livejournal.com]

Ha! A good idea, if only so you could tell us the story.

Loophole

[hal-obrien.livejournal.com]

"15% discount if toddler is picked up by COB today."

Of course, today's not a business day, is it?

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

A friend of ours came from a humongous family out in Nebraska -- many siblings, many, many cousins.

They had an English sheepdog.

The toddlers would all go out to play on the playground, and the dog would watch them, and keep them out of trouble. When it was time to go home, they'd send the dog out, and the dog would cut out all of its flock from the larger herd of toddlers in the playground, and gather them at their parents.

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

You know, it *sounds* like a really good deal, but I'm sensing a catch in there somewhere...

[writingortyping.livejournal.com]

We have a four-and-a-half year old sheltie that would suit your purposes. We could only do a loaner though - we like him too much.

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

I don't take human babies! Now, a cat baby....

Seriously, I hope things reach equilibrium soon.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I'm sure the salt mines are paying well.

B

[norah.livejournal.com]

One of those days, eh? May it be brief and the New Year be more generally merciful.

[kip-w.livejournal.com]

Hang in there. I'm sure that some day it'll be possible to be more than three feet from her. Sarah, I mean. So it'll happen with Alex too.

If only I could harness the energy that lets her hop for what seems like hours at a time. We could power the house from that.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I myself was partially raised by a Border Collie, so yes. I agree completely with your assessment.

However, most rescue agencies - well, okay, all the rescue agencies I've encountered - will not adopt to a family with an extremely young child.

[pariyal.livejournal.com]

Or a pair of eleven-year-old too-smart-for-their-own-good twins, bickering guaranteed?

[journeywoman.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I couldn't find your listing on eBay? Do you have a link?

Or maybe you listed her on Etsy, since she is a handmade item?

[saoba.livejournal.com]

Auntie Barbara's Boot Camp For Babies, while no longer open to the general public, would be willing to consider accepting your trainee, err toddler. Reasonable fees available on request.

Remember, the air holes in the shipping crate are required, not optional.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

I'll send the Press Gang around directly.

[redbird]

Mom says that he's only called that from our stories, because he always behaves around her. I think we need to be more careful of our publicity.

[cattitude.livejournal.com]

I am careful of his publicity. I like having a cat with an bad reputation.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

If I were a metaquotes person, I'd ask if I could quote you. As it is, I am laughing, but with the rueful laugh of someone who has watched her sister and niece go through exactly this stage. It doesn't last -- that's the best I can say.

[bosssio.livejournal.com]

that which does not kill us, makes us want to kill... ; )

In other words, I feel your pain. Liam has decided that he really wants to eat nuts and dried fruit - which are both choking hazards as well as potential allergens - and has gone so far as to FISH THEM OUT OF THE GARBAGE CAN.

I'd offer to trade, but I really don't know who'd get the better deal.

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

Shoot, close of business has already passed!

[lcohen]

um. does she throw with her left hand? she might have a career as a major league pitcher and make this all worth your while?

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Please post picture of toddler.

Re: Loophole

[rivka.livejournal.com]

If today's not a business day, how come I worked so damn hard?

[rivka.livejournal.com]

(http://www.flickr.com/photos/rivka/341937322/)

Let me know if you need to see any other views, and I will do my best. Wait! Here we go, documentation of her nascent engineering skills:

(http://www.flickr.com/photos/rivka/341942155/)

Re: Loophole

[hal-obrien.livejournal.com]

Devotion to duty? (...said the man who was just watching Hornblower)

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Come on, you're in Bowie! That's, like, 30 miles away.

[ladyvonkulp.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. The local gypsies are wise to me now, especially about the Elder Child and Yellow Dog.

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

You know, you could do this. Use something like a pedal for her to jump on.

[zanawake.livejournal.com]

I'd make you an offer, but it would have to be on a layaway plan for at least a few years. :)

[fredcritter.livejournal.com]

Oh, she's *adorable*! Hmmm. Let me talk with Susan--we had been thinkin' about another one of those. And Gavi's 14 now, they could probably amuse each other for just hours....