Midnight anxiety theater.

[rivka]

Incredibly vivid menacing dreams, all night.



Dream 1: I was by myself at a party attended by a bunch of alt.poly people. I looked up and saw Trinker, turned around and Ben was behind me, about 25% larger than his already intimidating real size and glowering at me.

In the dream, I was so shocked that I lost the power of speech. My head buzzed and a metallic taste flooded my mouth. I wanted to get up, but I was frozen in place. I don't know why my reaction in the dream was so crazily disproportionate.

I remember thinking, very clearly, that I wished kalmn would notice that Kat and Ben were there and come find me.

Dream 2: It was the middle of the night, and I was on a bus to Boston. The bus was going very fast, and every time we hit a bump the back wheels would lift from the ground. The woman in the seat in front of me was very very ill, physically and mentally. She was trying to engage everyone around her in conversation, and I desperately didn't want to get sucked into talking to a crazy person all the way to Boston. I didn't want to listen to her either, but that was a hopeless case. At one point she slumped over so far that she was half on top of me. She was nearly unconscious, so she was just a dead weight and very hard for me to move.

Dream 3: This was the longest and most involved dream. I was part of the leadership of some sort of underground, and threatened, organization. I learned that there was to be a council meeting the next day, which I was obligated to attend. But in the morning, my bodyguard didn't show up to escort me to the meeting - which made me very nervous. I was waiting for him in the empty park near my usual light rail stop, at the top of a flight of stone steps, and he never came.

I went with Alex and someone else - a man, not Michael - to a ordinary ranch-style house where the meeting was supposed to take place. It was deserted. We went down to the basement rec room where we usually met, still looking for my bodyguard although by that point I was pretty sure that he was dead.

The rec room was a mess, and empty. Alex looked through a door that had been left ajar at one end of the room, and sidled away from the door looking nervous.

"Is Mr. Frank in there?" I asked her.

"Yes."

"...Is he okay?" I had a very clear mental image of Frank - my bodyguard - lying on the floor with his brains blown out, so I was surprised when Alex said yes again. I moved forward to where I could see through the crack by the door hinges.

Frank was sitting down, hunched over, lighting a cigarette with shaking fingers. And just beyond him was a man with a gun. They'd kept him there to trap us. I hadn't thought of that possibility at all.

I visualized myself shouting to my companion to boost Alex up and push her out one of the narrow basement windows set high in the wall, shouting at Alex to run run run. But I also knew that there was no time. And even if he pushed her out through the window, what would happen to her then?

Mercifully, I woke up right after that.

Comments

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

That sounds truly horrible. Ugh. I hope you have better dreams tonight.

[ailbhe]

Oh my god. Oh, Rivka, how *awful*. *shudder*.

I really must add a bit to my will about cher papa. I keep dreaming about what will happen to my girls if I die while they're too young to defend themselves, and I think that would help.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Our wills are meticulously clear about what should happen if I die, Michael dies, Michael and I both die, or Michael, Alex and I all die simultaneously. It was quite bizarre to sit down with a lawyer and work all of that out.

In my dream, I was trying to think of what would happen to her if she did manage to run away from the house and evade the gunman. I wasn't sure that he'd go after her if she ran - my companion and I were the ones he wanted dead. But then what would happen to her? If someone picked her up and called the police, she couldn't even tell the police what her father's name was. Michael might never be able to find her.

(Okay, completely crazy and irrational, but that's what I was thinking in the dream. Time to work on teaching Alex her phone number and her parents' full names, I guess.)

[ailbhe]

Our wills have all that, but nothing saying "under no circumstances is any of my offspring to be in the same room as my father [name] [last known address] or allowed to visit [members of my family who leave children alone with him sometimes]." And it really should, because although the nominated guardians know this, familial pressure might get strong.

And that sounds perfectly rational to me - your dream-worry. It's what I'd worry about. When I thought Linnea had got out the other day, I was sick to my core.

I should trust her - she never has run out of the house - and I should find a way to prevent her from opening the front door that doesn't also present a fire hazard. I wish we had a wooden door.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

And that sounds perfectly rational to me - your dream-worry. It's what I'd worry about.

Well, presumably Michael would file a Missing Persons report, and someone on the police force would say, "Hey, doesn't that sound like the little girl we picked up on the street and took into foster care?"

Or they would run her picture on the news and say "If anyone has information about this child..." and someone who knows her would see it.

Or, you know, something. That's what makes the "Michael would never be able to find her" worry irrational.

The big danger would be a car, or some other kind of accident. That's what would have absolutely made me sick with fear if I'd been in your situation.

[ailbhe]

OK, perhaps not rational, but *normal*. And "never find her" and "not find her for 24 hours" are just different points on a scale of godawfulness...

I was afraid Linnea'd decide to catch a bus, which would take her to the busy road nearby. She wouldn't of course, but I was afraid she might. Second to that, I was afraid she'd be picked up. There were two child-snatching incidents in this town last year, though neither was successful, and it's a particular button of mine.

[therealocelot.livejournal.com]

Well, presumably Michael would file a Missing Persons report, and someone on the police force would say, "Hey, doesn't that sound like the little girl we picked up on the street and took into foster care?"

Yes, that's basically exactly what would happen. Leif wandered off in the middle of the night one time when he was preverbal. He was picked up and taken to the local kid's crisis shelter. When we woke up and realized he was gone, we called the police, and got him back.

We live in a small city, but I expect they'd put out a report of some sort to all local police about a found child.

[redbird]

Yes. When a child was found toddling around on a Queens street a year or two back, her picture was put on the news, and she was identified within hours by her Head Start teacher, and returned to her mother's family.

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

My brother has been able to stop worrying that his kids might end up with our father. Dad is now in the locked ward for combative Alzheimer's patients and nobody would give kids to him.

We've always been worried that Dad would be able to convince a judge that he should have the kids (if my brother and sister-in-law both died) because they want the kids to go to a Chinese couple at their church. The kids are half-Chinese and this family has kids their age. I'm too sick to take care of myself, so I don't get kids.

As to opening the front door, I don't know that there's anything that would keep her from opening the door without fire and let her open it with fire, but if you're thinking about it opening for adults with fire, look at flip locks (http://www.safebeginnings.com/WebComponents/Catalog/Public/showproduct.asp?id=295). I used to have a cat who could turn doorknobs and open doors and I put flip locks on the doors to closets I didn't want him in. He probably could have flipped them, but I installed them high on the closet door/jamb.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

My brother had a thing sort of like that on his doors, when his kids were younger. They weren't very high, since lots of the responsible adults related to us are <160 cm tall, but higher than a toddler on a chair could reach.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Good lord. I wish you peaceful sleep tonight.

The only strange dream I've had lately involved one of our graduate students trying to go home (to South Africa, in the dream, even though that's not her actual country of origin / residence) for a visit, but she didn't have a passport because she'd come here with her parents when she was a small child, so I was trying to search Google for the nearest South African consulate to help her.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i'll be right there, sweetie. and then we have something important to do in the other room. and it will involve petting your hair until you feel better.

*hug*

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I think that if that ever happened in real life (which seems unlikely), I would be fine staying at the party with trusted friends who could join me in making snarky comments as warranted and possibly drinking large quantities of alcohol/eating large quantities of chocolate. I don't know why I was so frozen with shock and fear in the dream.

But hey, I'll never turn down head petting.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

I'd help ... but I love it that your dream self knew that kalmn would do the right thing, whatever was called for.

[ljgeoff.livejournal.com]

seems to me that all three dreams have themes of unwanted or menecing/dangerous responsibilities or interactions. With the added bonus of not being able to depend on what you thought would protect you, and worry over the ramifications to your family.

Doesn't sound like a fun night.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Not at all fun, that.

Also, it's probably not a good idea to take children to the Resistance meetings. Not that our dream selves have the slightest concern with good judgment...

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Also, it's probably not a good idea to take children to the Resistance meetings.

This is true. Particularly not when trying to track down your protection, whom you believe to have been killed by your enemies.

But it would've made for a much less potent anxiety dream.

[ailbhe]

Also, "I think there's serious danger about but I don't know where - I'll just leave my child where I have no idea what's happening to her." But that's extrapolating from my own dream-fears, which are probably quite different from yours.

[edschweppe.livejournal.com]

Also, it's probably not a good idea to take children to the Resistance meetings.
Maybe, although arranging babysitting would have its own issues - do you tell the sitter where the secret meeting is being held?

Of course, after you win, you should be sure to take your kids to the secret meeting places (which are now places of great historical significance). They need the chance to pay proper ohmage to the Resistance ...

[rivka.livejournal.com]

We weren't overthrowing the government. I'm not sure what we were doing, but both our group and the people threatening us were private citizens.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Oof. I wish you better sleep and more peaceful dream.

The deep reality and scariness of dreams can bug me, but I had a partial cure a while back. I'm including it in case it's good for a laugh.

http://johnpalmer.livejournal.com/80849.html

[beaq.livejournal.com]

YorCK!

Um, yes.

Also, I'd would help lj-kalmn bite them. Or follow whatever other orders henchpeople follow.

[lcohen]

ugh. i'm so sorry you went through that.

i have actually lived through a variation on dream #2--it was a train to new york, and i was seated next to a narcolept who kept slumping on me--at one point i had to rescue her before she went face down into burning hot pizza. it was not a restful trip :( .