Gulp.

[rivka]

Alex starts nursery school tomorrow.

When we first visited back in October, we thought the school looked great, but it was hard to imagine our little girl being ready for out-of-home group care. Eight months later... well, honestly, it's still hard to imagine our little girl being ready for group care.

Oh, she's showing signs of readiness. She is. Her ambition at church is to come into "Mama's class" and sit at the table with the preschoolers. (She doesn't interact with them, but oh, does she love to sit at that table and do what they're doing.) She's started to play deeper, more involved games on her own, instead of constantly wanting one-on-one interaction with us. And she really does love painting, singing, and group activities (as anyone who she has roped into repeated rounds of "all dance around in a circle!" can attest) - the classic nursery school stuff.

She wants to go to nursery school. We've been reading books about it (especially this excellent one) and talking about it. When we did a dry run of the walk to school after church one Sunday, she was devastated when she found out that we weren't going in. "Nursery school is closed," we tried to explain. At first she argued ("No, nursery school is open!") - then she tried, "I want to find a DIFFERENT ONE!"

We visited for a second time a couple of weeks ago, and it went very smoothly. This time we stayed for about an hour and a half, just in the two-year-old room. We arrived at clean-up time after morning free play, and stayed for circle, outside time, and snack. Alex really liked it. She didn't speak to anyone, but she did all of the activities. And she talked about it quite a bit afterward.

I'm not sure she really understands that we won't be going with her, though. The other day we reminded her, "You're going to be a Bluebird when you go to nursery school!" "Yes!" she said happily. "And Mama will be a Bluebird, and Papa will be a Bluebird." Ouch. Our nursery school books are all very clear on the "parents leave" part, but I think she may just be taking in what she wants to hear.

I think it will be okay. I really do. I guess. I am still ambivalent.

I think that two is young to start group care. Until now, Alex has always been able to eat when she is hungry, go outside when she is restless, get a lot of one-on-one cuddling when she is needy, and have the same book read six times in a row when she is really into it. Now she will be required to make adjustments to the needs of the rest of the group. Two seems young for that.

I am fretting a bit about the loss of control. When you hire a nanny, you make the rules. At nursery school, not so much. Obviously, their rules look okay on paper, or we wouldn't have signed up - but sometimes the map is not the territory, you know?

I am worried about some of the peer stuff - like, will Alex pick up gender stereotyping, and lose her current unselfconscious freedom to enjoy both pretty dresses and construction equipment? Will she pick up hitting and biting? So far she's been a very gentle kid, but.

I am worried that she will be unhappy. I am worried that she will drift along, kind of out of sync, and no one will know her well enough to notice or care. I am worried that we won't be there. I am worried.

But it will be okay. Right?

Right?

Comments

[tammylc.livejournal.com]

Right.

She'll do great, you'll do great. You'll all have your ups and downs, but it will be just fine, and she will come home saying and doing all sorts of fun and wonderful things, and eager to share them all with you.

[ratphooey.livejournal.com]

Right!

Of course there will be adjustments, on all your parts, but ultimately? It will be okay.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be surprised if she starts crying when you leave. For, like, forty-five seconds.

And then doesn't cry again all day until you show up to take her home.

[tammylc.livejournal.com]

Yep, that's usually how it goes.

Our daycare has a great trick for helping with transition, which is to have the kid physically push you out the door. They *love* it, and it makes it much easier.

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

She will be fine.

She's very advanced for her age verbally, so she can probably make her needs/wishes known. (She doesn't *sound* shy from your description, but that can shift in and out so fast at this age, depending on circumstances.)

The transition may be rough at first, but I'm sure she'll be fine. You'll probably be worse off (small comfort).

I was thinking earlier about Elena and school. None of the schools here take kids before 2y9m (which will = December for us). I think Elena will be ready, *more* than ready maybe. I'm looking forward to it already, at least in theory. But that's for my own selfish reasons.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

I think it's going to be OK. It'll be as much an adjustment for you as for her. A month from now I think you'll all be a lot more relaxed about this.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Parenthood is all about attachment... and then letting go.

She will be fine. You will be fine. But, oh, sometimes it's *hard*.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

It will be okay.

And even if she does cry when you leave, I bet, money down, that she stops within a day or two; possibly as soon as you leave.

My kids loved Montessori school; a whole bunch of other kids were much more entertaining than just Mom and Dad. And my experience is that you can send kids to a conservative Christian nursery school (in one case, that was all that was available) in a conservative Christian community and they will *still* grow up as liberal wackos like Mom and Dad. Kids raise themselves, but you're one of the people they use as templates.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i went to nursery school, and i turned out just fine.

hey! stop laughing!

;)

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

Right.

Speaking from the other side of things - having spent a couple of years teaching three years olds - there's a very good chance she will cry (heartbreaking wailing why are you abandoning me sobs) when you leave and then within half an hour be absolutely fine, interested in what's going on. Once you're out of her sight, she'll know that there's no way to get you to come back and, children being eminently practical, will settle right down. It is extremely rare for a child to be upset all morning.

This would be why many preschools have two way mirrors.

Also, if she cries, harden your heart and go quickly. There's no way to talk her into everything being all right.

Then, one miraculous day, she will cry in exactly the same way because you've come to get her and she doesn't want to go home just yet.

Or, she won't cry at all and everything will be wonderful from the first minute and you'll breathe a sigh of relief and then on the third day (aka the day they realize you really mean this to be permanent) there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

All, you know, entirely normal.

So, breathe. It's always hardest on the parents.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

There will be ups and downs but it will be fine.

Really.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

Oh, and also, you probably know this, but she won't know that you don't know what happened when you weren't there and you need to be told. That surprised me when Z started going to playgroup, that he assumed I knew, when I couldn't possibly because I wasn't there!

[samtosha.livejournal.com]

It is really going to be okay, hard to see that now, but it will be fine. Deep breaths. She is so acute aware of her surrounding that I will bet she dives right in. Be prepared for the day when she is so excited to be at school that she runs off to play with her friends without giving you a hug or a kiss goodbye :-)

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

She will be fine. She will learn all sorts of new skills, about sharing and playing with others, waiting her turn, all sorts of things. You guys will have a hard week of it, but I'm quite confident that Alex will be great.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Fortunately, Alex is good at answering questions. I don't know what parents of preverbal two-year-olds do.

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

I'm sure she'll be fine. There will be times of crying and times of happiness and you just have to expect that. At least she isn't likely to be expelled from nursery school, like I was.