Gulp.

[rivka]

Alex starts nursery school tomorrow.

When we first visited back in October, we thought the school looked great, but it was hard to imagine our little girl being ready for out-of-home group care. Eight months later... well, honestly, it's still hard to imagine our little girl being ready for group care.

Oh, she's showing signs of readiness. She is. Her ambition at church is to come into "Mama's class" and sit at the table with the preschoolers. (She doesn't interact with them, but oh, does she love to sit at that table and do what they're doing.) She's started to play deeper, more involved games on her own, instead of constantly wanting one-on-one interaction with us. And she really does love painting, singing, and group activities (as anyone who she has roped into repeated rounds of "all dance around in a circle!" can attest) - the classic nursery school stuff.

She wants to go to nursery school. We've been reading books about it (especially this excellent one) and talking about it. When we did a dry run of the walk to school after church one Sunday, she was devastated when she found out that we weren't going in. "Nursery school is closed," we tried to explain. At first she argued ("No, nursery school is open!") - then she tried, "I want to find a DIFFERENT ONE!"

We visited for a second time a couple of weeks ago, and it went very smoothly. This time we stayed for about an hour and a half, just in the two-year-old room. We arrived at clean-up time after morning free play, and stayed for circle, outside time, and snack. Alex really liked it. She didn't speak to anyone, but she did all of the activities. And she talked about it quite a bit afterward.

I'm not sure she really understands that we won't be going with her, though. The other day we reminded her, "You're going to be a Bluebird when you go to nursery school!" "Yes!" she said happily. "And Mama will be a Bluebird, and Papa will be a Bluebird." Ouch. Our nursery school books are all very clear on the "parents leave" part, but I think she may just be taking in what she wants to hear.

I think it will be okay. I really do. I guess. I am still ambivalent.

I think that two is young to start group care. Until now, Alex has always been able to eat when she is hungry, go outside when she is restless, get a lot of one-on-one cuddling when she is needy, and have the same book read six times in a row when she is really into it. Now she will be required to make adjustments to the needs of the rest of the group. Two seems young for that.

I am fretting a bit about the loss of control. When you hire a nanny, you make the rules. At nursery school, not so much. Obviously, their rules look okay on paper, or we wouldn't have signed up - but sometimes the map is not the territory, you know?

I am worried about some of the peer stuff - like, will Alex pick up gender stereotyping, and lose her current unselfconscious freedom to enjoy both pretty dresses and construction equipment? Will she pick up hitting and biting? So far she's been a very gentle kid, but.

I am worried that she will be unhappy. I am worried that she will drift along, kind of out of sync, and no one will know her well enough to notice or care. I am worried that we won't be there. I am worried.

But it will be okay. Right?

Right?

Comments

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i went to nursery school, and i turned out just fine.

hey! stop laughing!

;)