(no subject)

[rivka]

Wednesday night, we had Alex's former nanny Dorian over for dinner.

Alex fell in love with Dorian instantly, deeply, and intensely. Dorian, for her part, seemed to be devoted to Alex and was very affectionate with her. Michael and I were pretty fond of Dorian, too - because of the loving care she gave Alex, and because she seemed like a cool person.

We had originally met her at church, and then gotten to know her better when we all had dinner after lobbying for marriage equality in Annapolis. We know her mother. So she was the person we called when we realized that Alex's first nanny Meaghan's "mono" was code for "I am quitting without notice." She jumped right into the job, knowing that it was part-time and short-term, and did so beautifully that I felt bad when Alex started nursery school and wouldn't have two days a week with Dorian anymore.

I wanted to continue the relationship, but I felt kind of delicate about it. I've had too many employers who blurred the line between "friends" and "employees," and it's always made me uncomfortable to be automatically expected to socialize with work colleagues outside of work hours. And, honestly, it's a criticism I've seen particularly aimed at women who hire nannies - that we delude ourselves into believing the nanny actually loves our kids, when she really loves our paychecks. The Nanny Diaries has a particularly vicious bit about how parents expect nannies to convey, during the interview, the impression that they'd happily come over and play with the kids for free because the kids are JUST SO GREAT.

So, you know. I didn't want to be That Parent, and so even with all the kissing and cuddling and Dorian's twin sister telling me "We hear Alex stories constantly", I was mostly thinking in terms of "We'll have to hire Dorian for evening babysitting." The problem is that we don't often go out in the evening, partly because money is tight and partly because I already don't spend quite as much time with Alex as I'd like. But Dorian invited our family to her graduation party (we missed it, because Alex threw up in the car on the way there), and Michael told Dorian that we really must make her New Orleans-style barbecued shrimp sometime, and the upshot was that we wound up scheduling a weeknight dinner together.

I went all-out with the cooking, because I thought that Dorian deserved some real food from us after all of the times she ate Annie's all-natural mac and cheese with Alex. We had the New Orleans barbecued shrimp, warm French bread, jicama-orange salad, and homemade lemon bars. Dorian came early, about an hour and a quarter before dinner was served, so she and Alex had a lot of time to cuddle and play. Alex couldn't keep out of her lap, and kept saying "I love you Dorian. I love you. I love your hair. I love your bracelet. I love..." We gave her a framed copy of this photo, which she really seemed happy about.

Over dinner and then after Alex went to bed, we had great adult conversations. At the end of the evening, just before Michael drove her home, Dorian said, "I'd love to have you guys at my house next time, so my Mom can hang out with you too. Maybe we could do something in July." Which was just absolutely the nicest thing to hear. We'll be looking for opportunities to hire her for evening babysitting too, but it's awfully nice to know that she also wants to pursue a voluntary relationship with our family.

(The evening was only marred by the fact that Michael got violently ill after he came back from driving Dorian home, and he spent half the night throwing up. I felt fine. I haven't had the guts to find out if Dorian got sick too - I would be so absolutely mortified.)

Comments

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

The look on Dorian's face in that photo is not that of someone who loves the money but not the child.

I'm so glad for all of you.