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rivkaSomeone just came onto a message board I read, seeking guidance for a friend. Her friend, who is in her early 40s, just had a miscarriage when she was four weeks (i.e., just barely) pregnant and wants to try again. The poster is looking for a list of recommendations she can give her friend about ways to change her diet and do healthier things so she can prevent future miscarriages.
Here's my Public Service Announcement:
Don't ever do this.
No matter how well-meaning you are - and this woman seems to be very well-meaning - there is no loving way to say, "I figure that you probably killed your last baby. Please straighten up so you don't kill the next one, too."
Especially when you are probably wrong. The vast majority of miscarriages, especially early ones, are caused by profound chromosomal or genetic abnormalities in the embryo. That's even more likely for miscarriages in women over 40. Unless your friend is a crack addict, or something, the odds are overwhelmingly high that she didn't do anything to cause her miscarriage and won't be able to do anything to prevent another. Conception and embryo formation are high-error activities.
I know this woman doesn't mean to imply that the previous miscarriage was her friend's fault. But she's skating reeeeeal close to that, and vulnerable grieving people are awfully susceptible to guilt. It's just... yikes. Just don't.
Here's my Public Service Announcement:
Don't ever do this.
No matter how well-meaning you are - and this woman seems to be very well-meaning - there is no loving way to say, "I figure that you probably killed your last baby. Please straighten up so you don't kill the next one, too."
Especially when you are probably wrong. The vast majority of miscarriages, especially early ones, are caused by profound chromosomal or genetic abnormalities in the embryo. That's even more likely for miscarriages in women over 40. Unless your friend is a crack addict, or something, the odds are overwhelmingly high that she didn't do anything to cause her miscarriage and won't be able to do anything to prevent another. Conception and embryo formation are high-error activities.
I know this woman doesn't mean to imply that the previous miscarriage was her friend's fault. But she's skating reeeeeal close to that, and vulnerable grieving people are awfully susceptible to guilt. It's just... yikes. Just don't.
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Date: 2008-06-21 04:41 pm (UTC)Great tragedies are not a time for advice. Chronic illness is not a time for advice. Trust me, your friend has ALREADY CONSIDERED acupuncture, herbalists, homeopathy, ... It's irritating to have somebody tell you about Googlable wisdom; it's as if you can't Google for yourself.
But no, do not tell her what to do to avoid a miscarriage.