Now *that* was interesting...

[rivka]

Partway through dinner, Alex announced that she was done. I briefly tried to suggest that her tummy might not be full and she might get hungry later. She assured me that, no, she was full. So, as is our custom, I let her get down from the table to go play.

She made it out of the dining room, through the foyer, and about two steps into the living room before she burst into tears.

And came back. And leaned against my side, sobbing, "DON'T LET ME GO!"

"Don't let you go?" I put my arm around her and rubbed her back. "Do you want me to tell you that you have to stay at the table?"

She sniffed. "Yeah."

"Okay. Alex, I want you to stay at the table with Mama and Papa, even though you're done eating. Climb back into your seat."

She scrambled happily back into the booster seat. And I figured that it was probably time for the "No matter how angry I get..." conversation. (She responded happily, "And I love you even when I'm angry!", so apparently that was a useful framework for her, too.) Because all I could think of was that that strange exchange must have been about needing us to prove that we're going to hold onto her no matter what she does.

---

She definitely chafed at being restricted to the house for the rest of the day. Not at first, but when Michael came home and I went out to water and fertilize the garden without her. And then after dinner, when I decided that just because she didn't get to go to the library shouldn't mean that I missed my trip to the library. She wanted to go, I explained in a gentle but firm and matter-of-fact voice why she couldn't, and she clearly remembered, and made the connection, and was sobered by it.

She told Michael that because she had run away from me, "I can't go outside for the rest of my life." (He corrected her.) And also: "I'm not going to run away from Mama anymore. I'm only going to run with her."

So ultimately I think it all ended well. My discipline was more effective than I feared it would be, and we had a chance to re-connect emotionally and talk about our love for each other. And I brought her home some special treats from the library.

Comments

[ratphooey.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to comment earlier, but I think you did just the right thing. I'm glad the rest of the day seems to have borne that out.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

"I can't go outside for the rest of my life."

Emo-toddler! Put away the scissors or she'll be cutting her bangs!

Seriously, this all sounds pretty good, considering.

[richtermom.livejournal.com]

Scooty girl is four and last year she caused her whole classroom to not have scissors available after she hacked at her bangs at school.

And she's a drama queen.

[going-not-gone.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it was effective, having read the earlier post I thought it would be.

I understand the urge to spank, but there are other ways to get your point across that can work just as well. It sounds like you made an impression, which is the goal, without the drawbacks of using physical violence.

In our house the phrase was "parking lot rules." That meant when crossing a parking lot--or any other place a parent deemed neccessary--they had to hold a parent's hand. After a few incidents, all I had to do was say the phrase "parking lot rules" and they'd reach for my hand. The corollary to parking lot rules was that if I was pushing a grocery cart, each of them had to have one hand on the cart.

Enforce it firmly now, establish a code phrase for when the rule is in effect, and it saves trouble down the road. At least, that's my experience, and both of mine are still alive. :-)

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Yep, ours was "car place!", and the rule was "you have to hold a parent's hand because you're little and cars might not see you, but parents are big and cars can see THEM!" (Also, if a car can't see you it might squash you.) Agent Weasel's ten now and doesn't have to hold hands in car parks or crossing the road any more, but it was an extemely useful and effective rule when she was little.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

That seems to have worked out well. I think you handled it all admirably.

[ex-serenejo.livejournal.com]

Loving correction for the win!

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

I think that worked. :)

[ailbhe]

awwww :)

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

I'm delighted that it worked so well -- and she showed some real maturity dealing with the repercussions.

[bosssio.livejournal.com]

Alex is hilarious. Quite a clever child.

I gotta say tho', you do realize she is not typical? I think you do - though I find it really hard to figure out what IS typical (and whether my kids are just plain weird).

My first thought with the running away story (after a "yep, been there, coulda killed the kid") was "wait, she is 3 1/2 and this is the *first time* she has run away without coming back? wowowowowowow"

I remember being 8 months pregnant with Liam and inventing the "let's chase mommy!" game because Anthony KEPT RUNNING OFF (he was nearly 2), and I physically couldn't catch up to him. Strollers were used a lot as child containment devices. I remember once, I had Liam (age 8 months) in the stroller and Anthony (age 2 1/2) kept running away at the mall. So I put Liam on the ground and put Anthony in the stroller, intending to put Liam on my back in the ergo. After strapping Anthony in (who was seriously protesting, screaming, the whole bit), I turn around, and LIAM IS GONE. He had crawled off, as fast as his little baby legs could push him. I yelled "NOT YOU TOO!" much to the amusement of passer-byers.

and they weren't nearly as bad as kids of friends of mine. I do enjoy hearing stories of other kids being naughty because it makes me feel like less of a bad parent... does that count as Schadenfreude? ; )

'Course, Anthony still periodically runs off without listening. He doesn't do it in parking lots, though (somehow, that lesson stuck).

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

What a mind picture!

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad this turned out so well.

[redbird]

That seems to have worked out very well, including that she has figured out the difference between running away from you and running with you.

[lizzibabe.livejournal.com]

I have nothing but admiration for how you handled this situation, and even though I've never met Alex, I am proud of how well she's made the connection between cause and effect.