Back on the roller coaster.

[rivka]

NBHHY? SBHH? Who the fuck knows? I won't, until 2 o'clock, when I go in for yet another ultrasound. The balance of inferential evidence suggests that NBHHY, but there's no, you know, proof.

Edited to add 3:50pm: Ultrasound shows a beating heart and an active, healthy-looking baby. Whew.

I had my second prenatal visit today. For the past couple of days, I've been rehearsing my opening line: "Hahaha, this is silly and paranoid, but could we please check for a heartbeat first before we do the answering-questions part of the visit?"

This morning things changed fast. I was rushing around getting Alex ready for nursery school, and I dashed upstairs to pee. And froze, because there were several rusty-brown stains in the underwear I'd just put on after my shower an hour before.

Not my first spotting for this pregnancy. On the other hand: (1) several spots, whereas previously I'd had a couple; (2) no obvious precipitating cause (previously they had followed an internal exam or some exercise), and (3) it was happening just a few days after I stopped the progesterone supplements. Fuck.

I called the midwife on call. Fortunately, it turned out to be Kathy, the senior midwife. She asked how my 12-week ultrasound had gone, and then cheerfully said that she figured it was probably either leftover cervical friability from the progesterone supplements or a yeast infection. I should go ahead and keep my office appointment.

(I just went back and looked it up. That is not how Kathy responded to the bleeding that started my miscarriage. That time she said something along the lines of "everything could be all right, but we'll have to see.")

So I waited a very long hour until my office visit. I was seeing one of the new midwives, who turns out to be ZOMG younger than me. She looks to be in her mid-to-late twenties. I delivered my opening line about please-can-we-listen-for-the-heartbeat-first in a much less self-dismissive tone than I'd planned. She had me hop up on the table and pull my jeans down around my hips, covered me with Doppler jelly goop, and listened. And poked around. And listened. And she couldn't find the heartbeat.

She said that my uterus had barely peeked over my pelvic bone - and I could tell, because she kept digging around over the bone with the probe. She said that it was just the beginning of the time period where we'd expect to hear the heartbeat with Doppler anyway. When I volunteered the information that my uterus tips backward, she agreed that that could also make us less likely to hear the heartbeat at 14 weeks. I thought, but did not say: Plus, you're vastly less experienced at this than Julie or Kathy. I imagine she thought, but did not say: Plus, you're fat.

She told me she wanted to send me for an ultrasound to be sure, and she'd get the receptionist working on scheduling one right away. I give her major credit for what she said next: "Do you want to continue with this visit, or do you just want to get out of here and focus on the ultrasound?" I told her that I understood that nothing would be gained by saving twenty minutes. Which turned out to be the right decision.

She asked me some of the standard questions. I had weighed myself (lost a pound since the last visit) and checked my urine - no problems. She took my blood pressure - 98/70. She checked whether I'd had any extramarital sexual contacts since they'd tested me in January (no). She asked about cramping (no, although I had a little tenderness in my lower abdomen) and discharge. That turned out to be a key question. I've been dealing with those disgusting drippy progesterone suppositories so long that when I saw a little white discharge in my underwear yesterday, I thought nothing of it. She felt differently.

She got me back up on the exam table, this time naked from the waist down. She swabbed some samples and commented that my cervix was long and closed and not obviously bleeding, all of which are good signs. Then she let me get dressed.

A few moments later, she was back. The swabs showed that I had a double infection: bacterial vaginosis and a yeast infection. She wrote prescriptions for an antibiotic and a broad-spectrum yeast cream. She told me that the infections could certainly have caused irritation-related spotting, but that I should still have the ultrasound to be sure. And she warned me that I could have more spotting related to the internal exam.

So that's it. The baby might be alive, or the baby might be dead. In about two hours, I'll know for sure. Until then? I might have more bleeding or I might not. If I bleed more, it might mean something or it might not.

Oh, and she answered my question about "how do we know that the placenta will produce enough progesterone, if my body didn't?" The answer turns out to be not very reassuring: "it's not so much that we know the placenta will produce enough progesterone - it's more that, if it doesn't, taking supplements won't help." Ouch. Fair enough. (I firmly remind myself that I produced excellent placentas in my two previous pregnancies. In fact, the excellence of the placenta last time is why I carried an utterly nonviable pregnancy to almost 14 weeks.)

It's a good thing we found out about the BV now, apparently. According to Dr. Google (at the link above), BV during pregnancy can cause preterm labor or low birth weight. (Memo to myself: at next visit, ask the midwife how we can be absolutely, positively, 100% super-sure that the antibiotic cleared it up entirely.)

Comments

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i am holding my breath for you. you remember to breathe.

*hug*

[redbird]

I'll be thinking of you.

[erbie.livejournal.com]

Everything I've ever heard supports that rust-colored stains are old blood and nothing to worry about. I know that doesn't do squat to relieve any worry. I had that spotting when I was pregnant with my second child. I worried. U/S was fine, heartbeat was there. Yours will be too.

Good thing they caught the BV and yeast infection early!

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I know that about brown/rusty stains, yeah. Except that my miscarriage started with brown bleeding, and didn't progress to red bleeding until late in the day. But then, that was actual bleeding, as in, a measurable amount of blood. This was just spots.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

When we were trying to get pregnant, I had a high bacteria count when I got my pap smear, but with no symptoms of BV, and my doctor told me we could either let it go or treat it, but that if I got pregnant, she'd want me on antibiotics immediately, that you don't want to have untreated BV while pregnant. So I'm glad they're moving on it -- and yeah, it's early for a heartbeat, but I know you're scared, and I'm rooting for you.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

It's scary, because unless the spotting was caused by the BV - it seems more likely that it was the yeast - I had no symptoms at all. I might never have known. I wasn't due to have another internal exam until week 35, at which point BV could've already caused complications.

[mizchalmers.livejournal.com]

I had BV with my first. Hope yours resolves like mine did: completely and uncomplicatedly. Very best wishes.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Yikes. I'll be thinking of you, too. Long two hours, here.

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

Oh man. Yikes. How terrifying. I'll be thinking of you.

May this be the last scary moment for this pregnancy!

[acceberskoorb.livejournal.com]

*hug* thinking of you...

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

*hugs* offered.

[sistercoyote.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you. Sending vibes your way.

[eeyorerin]

Still hoping for nothing bad to have happened yet.

[bosssio.livejournal.com]

keep us informed.

[minnaleigh.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you and waiting for the ultrasound results!

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

Henry would sleep all the way through a non-stress test. He would then continue to sleep through a half-hour of a perinatologist staring at him through the ultrasound, watching for any movement. Looking back now, I can laugh that he took very expensive naps, but at the time it was absolutely terrifying.

I hope that you are able to laugh, or at very least, sigh with relief, soon.

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Sending supportive thoughts your way.

[txanne.livejournal.com]

Prayers continuing.

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking of all four of you. Please let us know how it goes?

N.

[(Anonymous)]

Fingers crossed, prayers sent up.
-nara

[ckd]

Thinking of you, and wishing you health and comfort.

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure, from the sound of it, that NBHHY, and it sounds like your cervix is being well-behaved, but ohgodohgodohgod *breathe* ohgodohgodohgod. Hope the U/S is entirely reassuring. I'm holding good thoughts for you.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

By my clock, your appointment should have just started. I'm crossing all available appendages on your behalf.

[netpositive.livejournal.com]

So... if it weren't for your (entirely understandable) additional fears, it would turn out that finding out about your infections _now_ was a _good_ thing. Hang in there with the NBHHY mantra. *hug* Breathe. *hug*

[glinda-w.livejournal.com]

GoodThoughts.

[going-not-gone.livejournal.com]

Thinking comforting and healthy vibes for you and your baby.

[tracicle.livejournal.com]

Fingers crossed here, too. I hope all is well.

[pameladean]

Thinking of you all.

P.

[windsea.livejournal.com]

Hopes and vibes your way ...

[juthwara.livejournal.com]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

I'm selfishly glad to be reading late enough to know NBHHY!

[tendyl.livejournal.com]

I'm glad they found the BV long before it could cause problems. And glad I read your other post before getting to this one - so I know Niblet is just fine.