![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaAlex: What will the new baby say if it wants a toy?
Me: It might say "Uhhh!", or it might reach for the toy, or it might cry.
Alex: I would bring it a baby toy and say "Here, you can play with this!" And I would have a big bag of baby toys, and I would say, "You can have all of them."
Me: You have it all planned out, what kind of big sister you'll be. ...So, do you think you might ever get angry at the new baby?
Alex: No. Getting angry is Mama and Papa's job. My job is going to be giving toys to the baby.
(Here I have to interject something. I am fully aware that Michael and I don't come off very well when our poor innocent lamb describes our primary parenting role as "getting angry." But you must know that this is a child who, this very afternoon, responded to "I told you to stop biting the pillows" with "I'm not biting it, I'm just spitting on it."
...Go ahead. Try to tell me that your parenting role would subsequently be described as "smiling seraphically and exuding unconditional positive regard." I dare you.)
At any rate, the conversation continued:
Me: Well, suppose that you really wanted Mama to play dollhouse with you, and I said, "I'm sorry, I can't play right now because I have to feed the baby."
Alex: I would just play with my Dad.
Me: But do you think you might be a little angry, and think, "That baby is in the way!"
Alex: (sounding genuinely bewildered): Why would I think that?
I'm not trying to induce sibling rivalry, here. But when we talk about life with the Niblet, which is often at Alex's instigation, she paints an incredibly rosy picture of it. She thinks having a new baby in the family will be the neatest thing ever. Well, me too, except that I also know that it can be rocky for, especially, a previously-only-older-child to adjust. I want to at least open the door to the idea that her feelings may not be 100% positive 100% of the time, and that negative feelings are okay... without setting up the assumption that older kids automatically hate the baby, either.
Sibling advice, from parents of more than one?
Me: It might say "Uhhh!", or it might reach for the toy, or it might cry.
Alex: I would bring it a baby toy and say "Here, you can play with this!" And I would have a big bag of baby toys, and I would say, "You can have all of them."
Me: You have it all planned out, what kind of big sister you'll be. ...So, do you think you might ever get angry at the new baby?
Alex: No. Getting angry is Mama and Papa's job. My job is going to be giving toys to the baby.
(Here I have to interject something. I am fully aware that Michael and I don't come off very well when our poor innocent lamb describes our primary parenting role as "getting angry." But you must know that this is a child who, this very afternoon, responded to "I told you to stop biting the pillows" with "I'm not biting it, I'm just spitting on it."
...Go ahead. Try to tell me that your parenting role would subsequently be described as "smiling seraphically and exuding unconditional positive regard." I dare you.)
At any rate, the conversation continued:
Me: Well, suppose that you really wanted Mama to play dollhouse with you, and I said, "I'm sorry, I can't play right now because I have to feed the baby."
Alex: I would just play with my Dad.
Me: But do you think you might be a little angry, and think, "That baby is in the way!"
Alex: (sounding genuinely bewildered): Why would I think that?
I'm not trying to induce sibling rivalry, here. But when we talk about life with the Niblet, which is often at Alex's instigation, she paints an incredibly rosy picture of it. She thinks having a new baby in the family will be the neatest thing ever. Well, me too, except that I also know that it can be rocky for, especially, a previously-only-older-child to adjust. I want to at least open the door to the idea that her feelings may not be 100% positive 100% of the time, and that negative feelings are okay... without setting up the assumption that older kids automatically hate the baby, either.
Sibling advice, from parents of more than one?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-08-17 02:48 am (UTC)Kate was a high-needs baby; colic, nursing problems, some medical issues. She arrived at the end of April, and after the parents/parents-in-law had gone, and I was alone, things looked pretty dicey. Colin would be downstairs on a gorgeous spring day, banging on the door, yelling "Mummy! Out! Want to go out!" and Kate and I would be upstairs and she would be screaming and spitting out my nipple and furious and I would be in tears.
The solution: I used all my maternity Employment Insurance dole to hire for the summer the lovely young university student who'd been Colin's part-time babysitter, We used to all go off to the beach, and Kate and I would sit under a tree and Kate would yell at me, and Colin and R would build sandcastles and run in and out of the waves.
It gave me a *huge* amount of faith in the concept of a Mother's Helper.
I swear Colin never, ever resented Kate, because her arrival meant he got even more concentrated R time, whom he adored.
My two are 16 and 14 now. They've certainly had their share of squabbles, but they are very tight, they have each other's backs, and they got off on the right foot with each other.
Now obviously Alex is older, but the same principle might apply, for at least a couple of afternoons a week ... if there's someone whose undivided attention might be had, just to be an Alex Person.