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rivkaAlex: What will the new baby say if it wants a toy?
Me: It might say "Uhhh!", or it might reach for the toy, or it might cry.
Alex: I would bring it a baby toy and say "Here, you can play with this!" And I would have a big bag of baby toys, and I would say, "You can have all of them."
Me: You have it all planned out, what kind of big sister you'll be. ...So, do you think you might ever get angry at the new baby?
Alex: No. Getting angry is Mama and Papa's job. My job is going to be giving toys to the baby.
(Here I have to interject something. I am fully aware that Michael and I don't come off very well when our poor innocent lamb describes our primary parenting role as "getting angry." But you must know that this is a child who, this very afternoon, responded to "I told you to stop biting the pillows" with "I'm not biting it, I'm just spitting on it."
...Go ahead. Try to tell me that your parenting role would subsequently be described as "smiling seraphically and exuding unconditional positive regard." I dare you.)
At any rate, the conversation continued:
Me: Well, suppose that you really wanted Mama to play dollhouse with you, and I said, "I'm sorry, I can't play right now because I have to feed the baby."
Alex: I would just play with my Dad.
Me: But do you think you might be a little angry, and think, "That baby is in the way!"
Alex: (sounding genuinely bewildered): Why would I think that?
I'm not trying to induce sibling rivalry, here. But when we talk about life with the Niblet, which is often at Alex's instigation, she paints an incredibly rosy picture of it. She thinks having a new baby in the family will be the neatest thing ever. Well, me too, except that I also know that it can be rocky for, especially, a previously-only-older-child to adjust. I want to at least open the door to the idea that her feelings may not be 100% positive 100% of the time, and that negative feelings are okay... without setting up the assumption that older kids automatically hate the baby, either.
Sibling advice, from parents of more than one?
Me: It might say "Uhhh!", or it might reach for the toy, or it might cry.
Alex: I would bring it a baby toy and say "Here, you can play with this!" And I would have a big bag of baby toys, and I would say, "You can have all of them."
Me: You have it all planned out, what kind of big sister you'll be. ...So, do you think you might ever get angry at the new baby?
Alex: No. Getting angry is Mama and Papa's job. My job is going to be giving toys to the baby.
(Here I have to interject something. I am fully aware that Michael and I don't come off very well when our poor innocent lamb describes our primary parenting role as "getting angry." But you must know that this is a child who, this very afternoon, responded to "I told you to stop biting the pillows" with "I'm not biting it, I'm just spitting on it."
...Go ahead. Try to tell me that your parenting role would subsequently be described as "smiling seraphically and exuding unconditional positive regard." I dare you.)
At any rate, the conversation continued:
Me: Well, suppose that you really wanted Mama to play dollhouse with you, and I said, "I'm sorry, I can't play right now because I have to feed the baby."
Alex: I would just play with my Dad.
Me: But do you think you might be a little angry, and think, "That baby is in the way!"
Alex: (sounding genuinely bewildered): Why would I think that?
I'm not trying to induce sibling rivalry, here. But when we talk about life with the Niblet, which is often at Alex's instigation, she paints an incredibly rosy picture of it. She thinks having a new baby in the family will be the neatest thing ever. Well, me too, except that I also know that it can be rocky for, especially, a previously-only-older-child to adjust. I want to at least open the door to the idea that her feelings may not be 100% positive 100% of the time, and that negative feelings are okay... without setting up the assumption that older kids automatically hate the baby, either.
Sibling advice, from parents of more than one?
no subject
Date: 2008-08-18 02:29 am (UTC)I think the person teaching the class would also talk to the parents while the sibling class was taking the tour and talk about tips to make things easier -- the only one I remember was something like "have small toys or stickers or something available as a 'new' thing to bring out if people bring presents for the new baby, the big sibling doesn't feel like s/he is missing out on presents."