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rivkaAlex: What will the new baby say if it wants a toy?
Me: It might say "Uhhh!", or it might reach for the toy, or it might cry.
Alex: I would bring it a baby toy and say "Here, you can play with this!" And I would have a big bag of baby toys, and I would say, "You can have all of them."
Me: You have it all planned out, what kind of big sister you'll be. ...So, do you think you might ever get angry at the new baby?
Alex: No. Getting angry is Mama and Papa's job. My job is going to be giving toys to the baby.
(Here I have to interject something. I am fully aware that Michael and I don't come off very well when our poor innocent lamb describes our primary parenting role as "getting angry." But you must know that this is a child who, this very afternoon, responded to "I told you to stop biting the pillows" with "I'm not biting it, I'm just spitting on it."
...Go ahead. Try to tell me that your parenting role would subsequently be described as "smiling seraphically and exuding unconditional positive regard." I dare you.)
At any rate, the conversation continued:
Me: Well, suppose that you really wanted Mama to play dollhouse with you, and I said, "I'm sorry, I can't play right now because I have to feed the baby."
Alex: I would just play with my Dad.
Me: But do you think you might be a little angry, and think, "That baby is in the way!"
Alex: (sounding genuinely bewildered): Why would I think that?
I'm not trying to induce sibling rivalry, here. But when we talk about life with the Niblet, which is often at Alex's instigation, she paints an incredibly rosy picture of it. She thinks having a new baby in the family will be the neatest thing ever. Well, me too, except that I also know that it can be rocky for, especially, a previously-only-older-child to adjust. I want to at least open the door to the idea that her feelings may not be 100% positive 100% of the time, and that negative feelings are okay... without setting up the assumption that older kids automatically hate the baby, either.
Sibling advice, from parents of more than one?
Me: It might say "Uhhh!", or it might reach for the toy, or it might cry.
Alex: I would bring it a baby toy and say "Here, you can play with this!" And I would have a big bag of baby toys, and I would say, "You can have all of them."
Me: You have it all planned out, what kind of big sister you'll be. ...So, do you think you might ever get angry at the new baby?
Alex: No. Getting angry is Mama and Papa's job. My job is going to be giving toys to the baby.
(Here I have to interject something. I am fully aware that Michael and I don't come off very well when our poor innocent lamb describes our primary parenting role as "getting angry." But you must know that this is a child who, this very afternoon, responded to "I told you to stop biting the pillows" with "I'm not biting it, I'm just spitting on it."
...Go ahead. Try to tell me that your parenting role would subsequently be described as "smiling seraphically and exuding unconditional positive regard." I dare you.)
At any rate, the conversation continued:
Me: Well, suppose that you really wanted Mama to play dollhouse with you, and I said, "I'm sorry, I can't play right now because I have to feed the baby."
Alex: I would just play with my Dad.
Me: But do you think you might be a little angry, and think, "That baby is in the way!"
Alex: (sounding genuinely bewildered): Why would I think that?
I'm not trying to induce sibling rivalry, here. But when we talk about life with the Niblet, which is often at Alex's instigation, she paints an incredibly rosy picture of it. She thinks having a new baby in the family will be the neatest thing ever. Well, me too, except that I also know that it can be rocky for, especially, a previously-only-older-child to adjust. I want to at least open the door to the idea that her feelings may not be 100% positive 100% of the time, and that negative feelings are okay... without setting up the assumption that older kids automatically hate the baby, either.
Sibling advice, from parents of more than one?
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Date: 2008-08-18 06:19 am (UTC)Jackie was within days of turning two and I was making a caterpillar cake for her birthday--one super sized cupcake and a long tail of regular sized ones, frosted green and with various candy decorations to make it more caterpillar-like. I had just taken the cupcakes out of the oven and they needed to cool. I didn't want Jackie to get burned, so I told her not to touch the cupcakes while I went to get something from another room. When I come back in the kitchen, I see Jackie up on a chair with her face buried in the cupcakes. "Hey! Didn't I say not to touch those?" I squawked.
With her hands on her little hips she replied: "I'm not touching them, I'm licking them."
I had to leave the room and laugh silently until I could breathe again.
As for sibling rivalry, I don't think it's inevitable. Colin ADORES his baby brother Zachary. He's been curious and excited about being a big brother ever since we told him there was a baby coming. He's been the best big brother ever, too. He's gentle with the baby, he helps me take care of him, he tells me when the baby wakes up and I don't hear him, he comforts the baby, and he can make that baby laugh like nobody else. The boys are the complete opposite of the girls. Jackie did not care and was pretty much oblivious to everything baby-related while I was pregnant and she actively resented Shannon from the minute she was born. They still have friction, but they have one of those 'no one but me is allowed to be mean to my sister' types of relationships. They defend each other from the rest of the world.