Alex update: first day of school.

[rivka]

Today is Alex's first day of school. It doesn't seem that momentous, because she spent the summer going to "camp" at the same place, but I think there actually are program changes. For example, she had to sign herself into class this morning by making a mark next to her name on a whiteboard. And this is the year they start the traditional nursery school thing of having daily jobs, like "line leader," "door holder," "fish feeder," "calendar person." Alex is starting to be very, very conscious of herself as a big kid (hilariously, she refers to the kids in the two-year-old room, the one she just left, as "babies"), so I think she'll love the extra responsibility.

She's a Yellowbird this year. It was fun to walk into the classroom and see most of the kids wearing yellow clothes for the first day of school. (The Redbirds, who were lined up in the hall when we arrived, had 100% participation... but then, there are a lot more red clothes out there.) Alex wore a bright yellow dress with white polka dots, and practically flew into the classroom. She looked so adorable and happy that I forgave her for wanting to wear a dress I had to iron.

I don't really know her primary teacher that well, but my impression is that she is no-nonsense and loved. We met for a 15-minute conference on Thursday, and two things pleased me: (1) when I told her that Alex never naps, she immediately said, "We'll put her cot in the Manipulatives corner, where she'll be right next to shelves with puzzles and small toys." (2) "If she comes in wearing shoes she can't run or jump in, I'm sending her home. Other teachers say that, but I will do it."

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You know, sometimes I think I'm a good, creative, resourceful parent, and sometimes I am just awestruck by how dumb I am. See, getting out the door in the morning is a constant battle for us. Our normal pattern on school days has been that Alex wakes up, we cuddle or read a bit if there's time, she eats breakfast in her pajamas while watching her one video of the day (while I shower and/or eat breakfast), and then I scramble to get her dressed and sunscreened and shod and out the door, at the last minute. The last bit with the ramped-up pace sometimes works, but more often she goofs off (running away from me, hiding her head so I can't put a shirt over it) or complains (I want to wear something else... I want to find a toy to take to school... I want a home lunch today...) and I wind up losing my patience. Every. School. Day.

So this morning, right after she woke up, I got her dressed. I sunscreened her and put on her sandals before I made her breakfast. She didn't fight me because she was sleepy and wanted orange juice and a video. When she was done with her breakfast, all we had to do was walk out the door. It was totally yell-free.

Easy, right? Obvious solution, right? So how come it took me literally months and months of being a shouty, time-pressured, frustrated, impatient mother in the mornings, before I hit on this idea? Instead I kept fixating on "I need to wake her up earlier," which never works, because (a) it means I have to get up earlier myself, and hello, pregnant, and (b) when I wake her up she is sluggish and needs to be cuddled and read to and so forth before she's up for going downstairs.

---

I leave you with a final Alex quote, from yesterday:

"I want to sit next to you on the radiator." She looks up at me confidingly. "Don't you like to have part of the radiator in your buttcrack?"

(For those of you unaccustomed to old-fashioned heating systems, our radiators look like this).

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I read the quote to deyo. He laughed. I asked, "How would our kid have turned out?" He said, "Probably similar." Also, bless the teacher for making sure she's wearing sensible shoes. Where I taught, we required the kids to have a full set of backup clothing (old, grotty, whatever) in case they got wet or dirty enough to change, but also sometimes, when we felt their clothing wasn't appropriate for what they were doing. They could go barefoot outside if it was warm enough, or change into more comfortable shoes otherwise, or we'd let them go topless or change into grottier clothing for messy activities if we thought they were wearing something that would cause problems to stain or damage. But we'd also make sure the parents knew that they needed to bring something better next time, and we'd just let clothing get trashed if need be, if they forgot.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Alex regularly comes home from school filthy: covered with paint, glitter, dirt, bits of lunch, etc. The school tries to use washable art materials, but they expect parents to understand that our kids will be playing hard. Which is one of the reasons why I like this school.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I've never had good luck with "washable" purple, black, or red, or depending on the brand, blue or green.

One mom once sent her child in a white turtleneck and asked, "Just this once, I need her to be clean when I pick her up (which was early that day), can you help her try?" I made sure she wore an apron to paint, and helped her get her sleeves way up. When some paint got on her hands, she closed her palms together, then stuck her hands under her apron and wiped them on her shirt.

Oh well.

The fun thing was that she'd been wearing the shirt backward, so from then on, she had green handprints on the back of her shirt.

[piqueen.livejournal.com]

Assuming your child had to be wearing a white turtleneck at the end of the day. Why wouldn't you bring it in and change her at the end of the day? I'm 26 and I can't keep a white top clean all day!

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Usually, this mother was sensible. This time, she had been called in to do something at, if I recall correctly, her husband's office party at the last minute, was planning to pick the child up early, and hoped two hours in school wouldn't be too much. Our mistake -- hers, and ours -- was that we didn't just go borrow a shirt out of the school's extra clothing stash as soon as she arrived, saving the white shirt for later.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Also: the big thing about the shoes, to me, is that I think that a significant portion of the male-female difference in large-motor skills and interest in active play comes from the fact that from toddlerhood girls are more likely to be dressed in shoes that impair movement.

Even parents who are sensible about play clothes don't seem to think there's anything wrong with bringing the daughters to the playground in flip-flops. And girls' shoes in general seem to have slick inflexible soles, narrow straps, etc. Alex wears sandals in the summer and Mary Janes or sneakers in the winter, but all her shoes are flexible and sturdy, and have rubber soles with treads. Sometimes that means shopping in the boys' department.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

We had girls coming in slip-on clogs (see how safe those are on the jungle gym!) or little plastic "jellies" shoes that, in sandboxes, cause incredible foot pain, even sores if it's in there long enough, as the sand sticks between the plastic and the foot. But they choose them, if they're socialized to Pretty Is Better. Fortunately, in warm enough weather, we were fine with bare feet (and required bare feet or waterproof sandals for water play), so telling a kid, "Those aren't safe for outside play, you can leave them in your locker" worked just fine.

I just found a few more photos from my teaching days, and now that the kids in them are mostly in high school or older, will start posting them.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Alex can choose to look feminine by wearing dresses (if they're unrestrictive - nothing tight or ankle-length), pastel colors, flowers and butterflies, lace trim, and barettes or ponytail holders. While she is still a small child, we will not permit her to choose to look feminine by impairing her ability to move.

I'm a total hardass about not going barefoot outside. We live in the inner city. Broken glass and rusty metal and the potential for hypodermic needles are part of our environment. Alex can take off her shoes in the sandbox or on the pool deck, but she has to put them on again when she leaves those areas.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

We didn't have our kids out in front, barefoot. Berkeley sidewalks aren't much better than Baltimore's. The school has a safe backyard.

[ailbhe]

Linnea wears shoes which impair her movement.

Not her *own* shoes, of course. Rob's.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Hee.

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

One of Mary Kay & Jordin's new kitties with Jordin's shoe (http://pics.livejournal.com/marykaykare/pic/00004axp/).

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Alex does that too. Which has sometimes caused excitement at 6:45am when Michael needs to leave for work and can't find his loafers.

[bosssio.livejournal.com]

So how come it took me literally months and months of being a shouty, time-pressured, frustrated, impatient mother in the mornings, before I hit on this idea?

Because inspiration is rarely conveniently timed. And of course, you are also tired in the am, so probably not at your best.

I find that my parenting skills improve when I remove opportunities for my frustration. My frustration triggers include being:
* late or delayed
* worried about safety or security
* worried about damaging someone else's stuff or bothering other people
* worried about being judged poorly by other people whose opinions I care about.

So I got MAD when Anthony decided to play "let's run away from mommy" at the playground when

a. andy was double parked in front of the playground on 3rd Ave in Manhattan and

b. I still needed to round up Liam who seemed to be intent on jumping off the tallest piece of playground equipment.

Didn't Anthony understand he needed to LISTEN TO ME AND DO WHAT I ASKED BECAUSE IT WAS IMPORTANT!?!?!

'course not. He isn't even 5. Didn't stop the shouting and anger at the time, though.

btw, Liam also now calls any child smaller than him a baby. I love it.

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

Elena moves to the next class up this week - her first day in the Lamb classroom will be tomorrow. She's mentioned it several times, so I think she's excited.

Also, when I pick her up from school, she is invariably the filthiest child there. :)

[ailbhe]

1. That sounds like a FABULOUS school.

2. Long may it continue.

3. I do! I do! But I'm too old to admit to it! I LOVE ALEX.

[kjersti.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth - I don't have children and I'm not planning to but reading your journal about you and Alex is the closest I've ever got to changing my mind.

dressing

[(Anonymous)]

For some months, years?, I put my twins to bed in their next-day play clothes, after their baths. It works even better than your current plan -- you don't even have to ask them to get dressed. Shorts and t-shirt, or pants and turtleneck were enough like pyjamas to be comfortable, and didn't need to look ironed or anything.

I recommend it for mornings where you really need to be on time, or think you might need to sleep in a bit more. It may yet come in handy.

So glad NBHHY. Be well
Emma

Re: dressing

[richtermom.livejournal.com]

This isn't something to broadcast, but K still occasaionally wets the bed. Plus she's not the neatest eater. So for us, it's still "get dressed at the very end."

I'm not sure how, but she finally figured out how to get dressed over the summer. The past couple mornings, I've had to get her to the sitter because D's school started before K's, so I've selected her clothes, put them in where she's still drying from her bath, and I'll go take a shower and she's up and dressed when I come out!

It's the most amazing thing!