I am way too young for this conversation with my daughter.

[rivka]

Alex and I were talking about growing up. She plans to grow as big as Sarah who dyed her hair blue (this is the teen we chaperoned at SUUSI), and then stop growing. She was asking how big I am, and how big her father is. Then I asked,

Me: Do you think you'll have a baby grow inside you someday, when you grow up?
Alex: No, I don't want a baby.
Me: You know, that's totally up to you. You don't need to have a baby if you don't really want one.
Alex: But someone might give me a baby. A boy might send some sperm into my uterus.
Me: (utterly dying): Only if you say it's okay. If you don't want a baby, you can say no.
Alex: What if someone wants to, and I don't?
Me: Then you say, 'No. I don't want to.'
Alex: Oh. Okay.

Oh. My. God. I know she doesn't... she doesn't know what she's implying. She really doesn't. But oh my God.

Comments

[pameladean]

I used to think like that, at a much more advanced age than Alex. It had nothing to do with adult notions of force; it was more like there must be some law of nature. It's hard to get your mind around all of how sex works until you get used to the idea. It's really pretty darn weird.

P.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure she doesn't have the slightest idea about how sex works at all. We have talked and read about how babies grow, and how they start out when a sperm from a man comes together with an egg from a woman and the sperm and egg grow into a ball of cells. How those two things come together seems to be totally uninteresting to her.

And I hope it stays that way a while longer, because, sheesh.

[puzzlement.livejournal.com]

I asked the relevant question at about age six, and then silently tried — and only partially succeeded until I reached puberty — to reconcile myself to the idea that this totally unpleasant sounding experience, contrary to pretty much every taboo I'd picked up, had been part of the vast majority of my adult acquaintances' experiences. It really made me dubious about growing up for a while there.

Fortunately, this didn't leave any lasting mental scars that I am aware of, and even at the time I think I realised it was something I'd understand eventually, but I still have no idea how to explain to a pre-pubertal person that sex could ever actually be something someone would want.

[ailbhe]

Babette Cole has illustrations involving balloons, cake, and candles.

[bosssio.livejournal.com]

when my brother was 6 or 7, he went through a potty mouth period. F--k this, f--k that, everything was f--ked. My parents and the teachers tried everything to get him to stop. Nothing worked, b/c he loved the attention.

He walked up to me one day (I was around 11), calling me an f--k, and I replied "do you know what that word means?" Realizing he had no idea, I proceeded to tell him in GRAPHIC detail what a f--k was.

He was so disgusted, he stopped using the word for several years.

when I was 7, I turned to my dad one day while we were watching TV and said "But daddy, how DOES the sperm get to the egg?" He very patiently (and in retrospect probably a little panicky) explained gently about penises and vaginas and so forth.

I replied "But that is gross!" He replied " Good. Keep thinking that way for at least another 10 years."

The good thing, though Rivka, is that you are a certified sex ed teacher! 'Course, if you feel lost at times, you can imagine how the rest of us feel when faced with these big questions about sex, personal empowerment, sexual relations, and kids.